Very worried of how my partner will react

FATBALLZ

themull1 wrote: »

Why doesnt she pay off the 2.5 grand with some of her 30 grand savings then its all over with?!

Because bailing her partner out of his overspending and lies would cause him to learn nothing and is not the issue. I can see why this is very hurtful to the OPs partner, she thought her partner had finally overcome his debt issues and started managing his money like an adult and he has admitted to her he lied about it and still has issues. Clearing £27k does not make this continued lying and borrowing without her knowledge ok.

She probably feels like she got to a stage where she could trust the OP with money and has had that rug of trust pulled out from under her. Maybe she'll get over it, maybe she won't. She certainly isn't to blame for any of it and her reaction is completely understandable.

skypie123_2

I think I'm in the minority here.
If my partner had had £30k debt and cleared all but £2.5k and not told me until 3 weeks before the wedding, I would have no issue with it.
Blimey some of you lot are harsh.:mad:
He has done amazingly well, is £2.5k worth a relationship??
I'd say he learned his lesson a while back re debt so if it was my partner who still owed £2.5k I would pay it in a heartbeat because it would clear it then we could start out married lives debt-free!
It is NOT a big sum and NOT a big deal!
As far as I know, David did not cheat, he isn't about to become a woman, he doesn't have a severe gambling addiction, nor is he on hard drugs, he hasn't developed an unnatural affection for the dog, he just owes £2.5k :eek: These ^^^ are bombshells, owing £2.5k is not.
The poster a few up from me that said something is wrong with the balance here is spot on David.
I am 4 weeks away from getting married myself and if my hubby to be walks in now and says he hadn't told me he owed £2.5k it would never enter my head to cancel our wedding.
Maybe you should cancel your wedding anyway because your partner seems to be controlling you and you seem to be walking on eggshells when you've hardly committed the crime of the century.

Blackpool_Saver

There is no way on earth I would marry that woman, but like I keep saying we are not hearing the whole story here, she is like his mum not his fiance, I think either he has done many other bad things too, or she has had a previous very bad scare within another relationship or with a family member.....

Anubis_2

emweaver wrote: »

Good luck telling your fiance but if she calls off the wedding over £2.5k after all the debt you've repaid she clearly does not love you.

This. ^^

If anyone puts debt before love, then you have to question if their love is real. After all they will be marrying for better or worse and the debt is in your name.

Money cannot buy or replace love and being debt free should not be a prerequisite to agreeing to marry anyone really in the great scheme of things.

The fact you have paid such a huge amount off should count for everything.

FBaby

Ha ha I put love before a small debt and some alarm bells, resulted in worse debts and lies over the years and a painful separation 5 years later. Learnt my lesson! Not saying it would be a no go but would certainly think it over before diving in again.

londonsurrey

It's not the debt that is the problem, it's the lies about the debt that should make any sensible person think twice. She's entirely within her rights to have a good hard think.

Better to do it now and then marry when she's clear in her mind about it than to simply go ahead with the wedding simply because of societal pressures - that would simply make her a sheep with no backbone, and yes, I'm aware of what a fate would await such a creature!

Anubis_2

londonsurrey wrote: »

It's not the debt that is the problem, it's the lies about the debt that should make any sensible person think twice. She's entirely within her rights to have a good hard think.

Better to do it now and then marry when she's clear in her mind about it than to simply go ahead with the wedding simply because of societal pressures - that would simply make her a sheep with no backbone, and yes, I'm aware of what a fate would await such a creature!

IMHO the reasons for not revealing the debt were valid. It's not as if he lied about it because the debt was caused by lose women and casinos from what he says. He was frightened of losing her.

I agree it's best to let her know now though.

Pee

You told the truth before you got found out. If you are destined to have a good marriage, as opposed to just getting married, it will all work out. If it doesn't work out, you missed one lovely day and a lot of hassle further down the line, possibly when you had children to fight over and harm.

Bear in mind that your views about money are going to be different, if they are different, at every turn that you take through life. Financial compatability is an important part of a relationship, but it doesn't matter too much until after the honeymoon period.