Very worried of how my partner will react

LandyAndy

Frugalista wrote: »

If you are both trying to clear debts and save for a house why on earth have you already spent "over ten grand" on a wedding?????

You may well ask.:(

david_1982

We're not both in debt!!!!

She's never had any debts! I have around 30k and paid off 90% of it over the last three years. She's got 100k equity in her house and 30k in cash ISA's, she the opposite of me with money.

We're paying over 10k for a wedding, but earn nearly 80k between us so it's not that big a deal. After we're married we'll be working towards moving house so will be saving up cash for the moving costs.

NAR

david_1982 wrote: »

We're not both in debt!!

Don't get exasperated David, quite often people don't read posts properly and just make d**ks of themselves.

skypie123_2

I can't believe the amount of people on here that would make this man wear a hair shirt over £2.5k of debt!!
The comment about 'I would not marry a man who had gotten into £30k of debt' was a classic!
This is a moneysaving site yes but FGS he has paid off £27k in 3 years!! He has learned from his experience. Most of us on here have had a similar attitude to money in the past so get over yourselves!
Op if your girl dumped you for this then she has some serious issue and you shouldn't be marrying someone who would do that any way. It isn't a huge amount especially given what you've paid off and if she does dump you it could be the best £2.5k you ever owed!
I think you will be just fine though and congratulations on getting your debt down!

LandyAndy

NAR wrote: »

Don't get exasperated David, quite often people don't read posts properly and just make d**ks of themselves.

TBH I just get exasperated by people who spend five figure sums on weddings.:)

LandyAndy

david_1982 wrote: »

We're not both in debt!!!!

She's never had any debts! I have around 30k and paid off 90% of it over the last three years. She's got 100k equity in her house and 30k in cash ISA's, she the opposite of me with money.

We're paying over 10k for a wedding, but earn nearly 80k between us so it's not that big a deal. After we're married we'll be working towards moving house so will be saving up cash for the moving costs.

So why are either of you giving even a moments thought to a 'small change' debt of £2.5k?

You get stressy, she gets ars*y and over this?

What are you going to be like when something serious happens?

podperson

david - just wanted to say that clearing that amount of debt in a short period of time is very impressive and you should give yourself more credit for it. I'm glad that your fiancee, while understandably upset, seems to be willing to work things through with you.

I would say as a word of warning though, I imagine the past debts have left your credit rating in a bad condition, if you get a joint account with her then her credit rating will then be linked to yours and it could affect hers adversely. Maybe you could look at another option, eg she could look at your accounts online if she is worried about your spending, or you could have an account just in one of your names that you both into for bills etc.

Best of luck with it!

NAR

LandyAndy wrote: »

So why are either of you giving even a moments thought to a 'small change' debt of £2.5k?
You get stressy, she gets ars*y and over this?
What are you going to be like when something serious happens?

Doh, read post #37, this is about lying and trust.

marisco_2

I am glad it is all out in the open for you now and you can look forward to the wedding. Having joint accounts may help ease her worries over things.

Can I make a suggestion though. It would not hurt to have a joint account and also your own single accounts, credit cards and savings. Being married does not equate to being joined at the hip and having some financial independance of each other is a good thing.

When I was married we had two joint accounts. One for all the bills, the other for all the monthly spends. We earnt around the same amount and so contributed equally to the monthly budget.

Then we had our own seperate single accounts, credit cards and savings accounts. This meant if I really wanted something, not a huge purchase just a treat, I wasn't always having to ask my husband if it was ok with him first. It came out of my independant budget. Cant understand women who sneak in half a new wardrobe of clothes and then swear black is white that they have had it all for years. I could not be done with living like that.

Marriage is a partnership and open communication and honesty are vital. So is keeping a bit of independance though and trusting the other person to manage their finances as an adult.

LandyAndy

NAR wrote: »

Doh, read post #37, this is about lying and trust.

Yep. You finally spotted my point:T:T:T.

You'll go far.