Issues with the in laws...

busiscoming2

I wouldn't want people I didn't know and who seemingly didn't even like me, staying in MY home. I suspect the Sister doesn't want them staying with her (she knows what they are like) and the parents have no scruples about what is the right or wrong way to treat people (is that why their daughter is spiteful?)

You have a long time till Xmas and would make sure you have some initial contact with them. Does your DH speak to/write to/Skype them much?

I am all for building bridges but I think having them jump straight in to stay is too much too soon.

KxMx

In the US my grandparents often visit an aunt/uncle and my cousins, bypassing my Dad (same state, about an hour away) and his wife/stepkids completely (although that may have something to do with Dads attituide that stepkids are their grandkids too, despite them having all 4 living who they see all the time). In fact they have never stayed over with Dad & his family.

Sometimes grandparents do put grandkids first, even if that means bypassing another child of their own.

And for what it's worth, Dad rarely makes the effort to travel to see them either (many states away) more than once in a blue moon. As step kids do about 20 activities between them- not kidding- and he's too busy acting as a taxi service. Doesn't have the common sense like the rest of us lol is all i'll say when it comes to that (ie wouldn't kill them to miss a few so he could go visit parents).

I'm not saying it justifies missing the wedding, but that things like OP described may be more common than people think.

clairec79

I know you said your DH split up (and divorced) his ex wife before you came on the scene - do his family know that? Just thinking if they split up to due to infidelity and his parents have cast you into the role of marriage wrecker and therefore coming between them and their grandchildren maybe that could explain things (also may have been fueled by SIL)

1886

I think there`s alot of (unfair) resentment aimed at yourself by your husband`s parents and sister. I think this is because they were probably big fans of the ex wife.
My mum and dad got a divorce, years later my mum started dating a guy. He was nothing to do with why my parent`s got a divorce. For years my brother refused to meet my mum`s new partner. He said that he thought/felt it would be disloyal to my dad. Eventually he did meet my mum`s new partner and they got on great, he`s a lovely guy. Slightly OT but kinda the same reasons behind it I think.
I think if you meet the parents they`ll see how nice you are and realise how stupid and unfair they`ve been. If they and the sister don`t change then you`ve done what you can.
There`s a few relations in my family who don`t speak to each other over the most stupid things that happened years ago. I just accept it and leave them to it. You can`t choose your family but you can choose your friends lol