Issues with the in laws...

Bennifred

missprice wrote: »

I think that you need plenty of excuses as to why they cant stay at all/the full week/part of a week/the weekend.
personally I would be tempted to go for the new bathroom being installed that week and if you have a spare that one too is being decorated. plus the new sofa is delayed so there is nowhere to sit. or the oven/hob has a problem and you will be unable to cook until its repaired/replaced or even just say no you dont want them there but that can be hard to actually say:)

Wouln't it be easier to be away that week?;)

POPPYOSCAR

duchy wrote: »

I find it quite incredible that after three years of marriage plus however long before the wedding you were together your husband never took you to visit his parents. It seems to me that the distance he put between himself (and therefore you) and his parents is odd and either they aren't as close as you imagine (and may not have been when he was married before -before grandchildren came along-and in fact they are paying to see the grandchildren not the ex visit them)

His sister just sounds ike an immature and jealous cow-who yes has probably been stirring the pot.

Could you not visit them on their home ground this summer first -and then if arrangements in your home need to be changed there is time -but hopefully you'll all like each other far more than you expect to and will be looking forward to December.

I agree.

Have they ever asked your OH to take the grandchildren to see them? Seems strange they would ask his ex and not him?

Sambucus_Nigra

Bennifred wrote: »

Wouln't it be easier to be away that week?;)

Why should she run away from her own house? They don't like it - they know where the door is.


I'm sure this is all down to either the SIL telling stories or upset about not meeting the OP before the wedding - but surely the OP should be honoured with finding this out before she welcomes them into her house? With so much bad feeling, it's not going to be a comfortable week is it? Hubby needs to clear up whatever has occurred well before they start travelling over to visit.

msnigella

OH and I were together for 2 years before we married. His parents live in New Zealand, we couldn't afford a trip there before we married as I was a student. His parents have not been back in the UK since we met.

It's hard to work out what their problem is when they've previously insisted to OH that there isn't one.

Sambucus_Nigra

msnigella wrote: »

OH and I were together for 2 years before we married. His parents live in New Zealand, we couldn't afford a trip there before we married as I was a student. His parents have not been back in the UK since we met.

It's hard to work out what their problem is when they've previously insisted to OH that there isn't one.

So what did they say when he asked 'why didn't you come to my wedding then, if you can afford to pay for the kids to come over surely you could have attended - and if not, why didn't you send a card?'?

msnigella

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

So what did they say when he asked 'why didn't you come to my wedding then, if you can afford to pay for the kids to come over surely you could have attended - and if not, why didn't you send a card?'?

He did ask this when they announced their plans, the response was that they wanted to see their grandkids - which is fair enough but they could have come over and seen their grandkids and attended our wedding.

They didn't send a card because 'the post is unreliable'.

I'm not sure if they are rude or just thoughtless.

Amanda65

It sounds to me as though this is one of those situations that has been allowed to 'evolve' and everyone probably has opinions about each other than are completely unfounded. I think it also depends on why OH and ex split up - did their son (in their eyes) leave his wife and children so they maybe feel a little guilty? Do you think they feel 'disloyal' if they seem to be supporting your relationship? Are they perhaps concerned that if they don't keep ex on side they could lose their relationship with their grandchildren ?

Also I wonder if you have made any effort to contact them in the past? They may be thinking (not helped by stories from SiL who sounds like a spoilt brat) that you don't want much to do with them.

How do your OH and his parents have contact? Is there any chance that between now and Christmas you could both set up Skype so you could at least 'see' and speak to each other prior to then arriving? If I were you I would want to at least attempt to get to know the in-laws and then if they don't keep up the contact you can at least say you tried and may open you OH's eyes.

Sambucus_Nigra

msnigella wrote: »

He did ask this when they announced their plans, the response was that they wanted to see their grandkids - which is fair enough but they could have come over and seen their grandkids and attended our wedding.

They didn't send a card because 'the post is unreliable'.

I'm not sure if they are rude or just thoughtless.

Not as unreliable as his parents it would seem.

I think it's best if you enthusiastically welcome them and make your own impression on them of being totally fabulous and let them make their own minds up about you.

londonsurrey

msnigella wrote: »

He did ask this when they announced their plans, the response was that they wanted to see their grandkids - which is fair enough but they could have come over and seen their grandkids and attended our wedding.

They didn't send a card because 'the post is unreliable'.

I'm not sure if they are rude or just thoughtless.

But the post is reliable enough for them to send letters with.

The wedding attendance is a red herring, as although it is the ideal scenario, it's the total absence of sending of good wishes of any kind, in any form(phone call/card/singing parents-in-law telegram act), that is the actual snub.

I'm quite curious as to why they're staying with you for a week. Is there a convention nearby, are you closer to the airport or a hospital, have they suddenly realised the error of their ways and are going to clasp you to the bosom of the family, have they decided that you're not real?

Bennifred

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Why should she run away from her own house? They don't like it - they know where the door is.

.

I meant both the OP and her husband, not just her......and as an alternative to all the shennannigans missprice suggested.

I think I would go along with love-bombing them to prove that any nasty things they may have heard are untrue Starting with a letter saying how much you are looking forward to finally meeting them and having them as guests in your home, blah,blah.