Let the fun and games begin...

Ames

OK so I know she can't do what she's threatening and if she tries she'll lose in court. But on the off chance she does find some schemer happy to take the case knowing they can't win, what does that mean for me? Will my solicitor be able to carry on doing stuff or does everything have to go on hold while sister goes to court?

What are the steps for her to get herself added as administrator?

dancingfairy

Ames. Hi. I can't believe all this stuff you are having to go through. Hugs. I can understand you are worried (I would be too)- maybe a word with your solicitor would reassure you? Other than that do you really need to spend any time with your sister/father at all? They have shown time and time again their true colours - maybe you need to try and forget about them, let them get on with their crazy messed up ness and try and build a life for yourself away from them. I understand you want them in your life and you want them to be supportive etc but as far as I can see they are doing you no good whatsoever. Hand everything over to your solicitor and relax. Focus on your therapy and your time to get yourself back on an even keel.
Whatever crazy scheme your family dream up you will cope, just as you always have done.
Take care
df

troubleinparadise

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. Martin Luther King Jr.

OK, that's being flippant, but the stuff your sister spouts at you just about fits, I think.

Keep reminding yourself that you are following the protocols, you have a professional to advise you, and everything else (ie, your S & D's issues) is nothing to do with you.

Whilst you may be in need of medical help with your health issues, it does not call into question your mental capacity to make decisions, especially not without professional assessment. None of your decisions are questionable either, from what I read.

Yes, I agree with you that it sadly all too often takes a crisis for the help you need to be offered; the perennial problem I suspect, and no, it isn't the right way but appears to be the current way.

Try not to take to heart your sister's rantings; I'm always amazed at how much time is devoted to that sort of thing rather than doing proper research and acting with correct knowledge, or working together to achieve something.

Keep focussing on your wellbeing, and let the professionals take the strain.

Ames

She texted me today to ask for the solicitors details. She has some paperwork to send, including saying what she is and isn't prepared to pay for. She says she's looking after my best interests.

So I've decided from now I'm just not going to answer the phone to her or reply to her texts.

I've made it clear that the solicitor is now involved. I've made it clear I'm not going to let her bully me. She's still trying it on though. So it's best all round now if we just don't communicate anymore.

RAS

Ames wrote: »

She texted me today to ask for the solicitors details. She has some paperwork to send, including saying what she is and isn't prepared to pay for. She says she's looking after my best interests.

So I've decided from now I'm just not going to answer the phone to her or reply to her texts.

I've made it clear that the solicitor is now involved. I've made it clear I'm not going to let her bully me. She's still trying it on though. So it's best all round now if we just don't communicate anymore.

She really has a cheek. You have engaged the solicitor. The solicitor cannot even take instructions from your sister.

Agreed. Can you get her number blocked?

Yorkie1

Try to let your solicitor know fully about what she is trying to get up to. Also ask your solicitor for confirmation about whether she can actually get herself added as administrator. I don't think she can, but best get it from the horse's mouth so to speak.

The monies come from the estate and not your sister so she really doesn't have a leg to stand on re consent to expenditure.

Ames

I will do, I need to write to the solicitor with a few updates so I'll ask about what sister can do.

I've tried to explain to her about consent to expenditure, she just wont listen. She's adamant that she doesn't want the solicitor to deal with paying the bills because 'we' can do it ourselves. Except, neither of us have a spare couple of grand lying around to pay the bills. I could kind of see her point when I thought it'd be a couple of hundred, but since I found out dad and her have run up £1400 in gas and electric we just can't afford it.

I think she honestly thinks we should wait to get our money from the house and then pay the bills. Which is another perfect example of why she shouldn't be let anywhere near it all - legally the bills come out before we get our share. I think she's thinking of it as 'our' house and 'our' money from it, whereas it's the estate's house, and we come bottom of the list after the creditors.

Oh and dad's going to be putting in his receipts for the kitchen he put in. Where he comes in the list of creditors I don't know. In fact, I don't know if he's even on the list at all!

Oh, and just to keep a tally, this is day 5 of me going to the mental hospital and day 5 without sister asking how I am, day 3 of dad not asking how I am. Says it all really.

Ames

Got woken up this morning by a social worker phoning to ask when I'll be discharged from the hospital, if it'll be this week or next. So went into a bit of a panic because although I know I can only keep going there for weeks, not months, I thought it'd be a bit longer than that. After speaking to one of the nurses it'll be the week after next at the earliest. So that's made me a bit happier.

Then wonder of wonders dad called me tonight. He asked how I was, if the hospital's helping, then launched into his own problems. He's going for equity release on his house because he's skint, told me how much he's looking forward to his holiday in a couple of weeks, told me all about his new fancy TV.

Oh and got on about how I need to get mum's house sorted and emptied because it'll affect the valuation that there's a few pots and pans still there. On the other hand, he's not going to be able to finish the kitchen for a few weeks, but that wont affect a valuation.

And of course the solicitor is a waste of money blah blah.

I mentioned that the hospital have said about him coming to a review, he said that there's only one day he can manage it.

Oh and a bit of a moan about how expensive it is phoning me.

I think it's him as well as sister that I need to stop speaking to, because I was down again after he'd finished.

KxMx

I know it's hard Ames, as much as we persist with toxic family members and guilt ourselves into maintaining relationships, it will be so much better once you stop speaking, should you so choose.

I have absolutely no regrets about severly curtailing contact with my own Dad, best thing I could ever have done for myself.

Constant_Gardener

"As far as I'm concerned now crap to do with the estate is nothing to do with me, and anything I hear/receive about it will be handed to the solicitor." You are now distancing yourself - hard I am sure, but good for you, and best wishes for the rest of what you are dealing with.

I said this a few days ago and am saying the same again - they WILL try and suck you into their personal dramas, you have to look after yourself. Tell them that the more they 'muck about' the more things you will have to refer to your solicitor to deal with, which will add to the costs and reduce the net estate so everyone who is a beneficiary will be affected. If they can see their share reducing they might (if they are not self-destructive) see some £ reason to back off.

We here hope you are doing ok, even if your family forget to ask.