Let the fun and games begin...

Dunroamin

Ames wrote: »

See the posts above between me and Gingernutty. I think that would get complicated and expensive.

I think it's just going to be easiest for me to hand it all over to the solicitor, then I can sit back and relax.

Sorry, that was more of an ironic than a serious suggestion.;)

Ames

Well, things have got worse.

I'm currently in crisis. Something happened and I had to go to A&E on Thursday night because of feeling suicidal, and I'm going to the acute service at the hospital every day.

Dad and sister have used this to take advantage even more. Which has really brought home to me how bad they're being over it all.

They came over and went in to see the crisis team with me. When he asked about the events that had triggered me going there, dad and sister chimed in with 'well mum died last year and she's been struggling with dealing with the estate but it's ok cos we'll take over'. They both then very kindly [/sarcasm] offered to open bank accounts for the money from mum's estate to go into before being disbursed.

Dad even started going on about his crap job and how stressed he is!

Neither of them even bothered texting or anything on Friday morning to see how I was, if I was still alive... Eventually I sent a text to sister because I wanted to talk to her about a few things, get someone elses opinions etc. She couldn't talk though, she was far too busy. Dad phoned when he got home from work, and when I said I'd been at the hospital, he said 'what hospital'. Err, the mental hospital. 'What mental hospital', err the one the crisis guy said he'd refer me to. 'Oh, I thought that was just a day centre'.

He called again tonight and carried on moaning about being full of cold, having a crap day at work, and having money troubles.

Now, maybe I'm being selfish (I don't think I am), but a little bit of sympathy and concern would be quite nice right now, and I don't have too much of it to dish out to others - and what I do have is going to the people in the hospital who are struggling far more than dad and sister.

Anyway, the solicitor has answered my queries about payment, so on Monday I'm taking in the forms, and my ID and everything and they can deal with it. Hopefully dad and sister'll go back to not talking to me then. If not there's a real danger that next time they whinge at me about something (relatively) trivial I'll just scream that I'm suicidal and have enough to deal with myself and can they just kindly f off. But maybe not quite so polite.

On the up side, at least I can rant at the people at the hospital. In fact it's encouraged (I think this may be that 'counselling' thing I've heard about). And hopefully the problems I've been having for a while with my meds can be addressed. And I get free coffee there. And the other crazies are nice people.

Savvy_Sue

Not sure what to say, but I'd agree that getting this into the hands of solicitors ASAP is the best thing for you to do.

And I hope you're feeling better today, and that you feel better the day after.

Ames

Thanks Sue. I've just had all the stuffing knocked out of me. All I can do is take each day as it comes right now, concentrate on getting through each day.

Constant_Gardener

Is there any other sh** life can throw your way? Somehow you need to find strength - and you clearly have a great deal of this to have got this far in spite of your relatives - it may have been temporarily misplaced but you can find it again.

So we have a mortgaged house at risk of repossession and associated utility debts, plus a car that has been knocked about a bit by your sister as the main assets of this estate and some sort of bank accounts. Have you / solicitor done the maths to see the provisional figures of what the estate is actually worth, related to the stress and angst involved? I suspect that Dad and sister think it is many more £££ than the reality and maybe putting things in this context might actually calm things down a bit for everyone.

You have my very best wishes, and as others have said stick to your guns - and your solicitor.

MrsCrafty

Ames wrote: »

Well, things have got worse.

I'm currently in crisis. Something happened and I had to go to A&E on Thursday night because of feeling suicidal, and I'm going to the acute service at the hospital every day.

Dad and sister have used this to take advantage even more. Which has really brought home to me how bad they're being over it all.

They came over and went in to see the crisis team with me. When he asked about the events that had triggered me going there, dad and sister chimed in with 'well mum died last year and she's been struggling with dealing with the estate but it's ok cos we'll take over'. They both then very kindly [/sarcasm] offered to open bank accounts for the money from mum's estate to go into before being disbursed.

Dad even started going on about his crap job and how stressed he is!

Neither of them even bothered texting or anything on Friday morning to see how I was, if I was still alive... Eventually I sent a text to sister because I wanted to talk to her about a few things, get someone elses opinions etc. She couldn't talk though, she was far too busy. Dad phoned when he got home from work, and when I said I'd been at the hospital, he said 'what hospital'. Err, the mental hospital. 'What mental hospital', err the one the crisis guy said he'd refer me to. 'Oh, I thought that was just a day centre'.

He called again tonight and carried on moaning about being full of cold, having a crap day at work, and having money troubles.

Now, maybe I'm being selfish (I don't think I am), but a little bit of sympathy and concern would be quite nice right now, and I don't have too much of it to dish out to others - and what I do have is going to the people in the hospital who are struggling far more than dad and sister.

Anyway, the solicitor has answered my queries about payment, so on Monday I'm taking in the forms, and my ID and everything and they can deal with it. Hopefully dad and sister'll go back to not talking to me then. If not there's a real danger that next time they whinge at me about something (relatively) trivial I'll just scream that I'm suicidal and have enough to deal with myself and can they just kindly f off. But maybe not quite so polite.

On the up side, at least I can rant at the people at the hospital. In fact it's encouraged (I think this may be that 'counselling' thing I've heard about). And hopefully the problems I've been having for a while with my meds can be addressed. And I get free coffee there. And the other crazies are nice people.

Ames, I am so sorry for the crap that you are going through right now. Your Dad and sister sound like dreadful greedy people and hopefully, you as the eldest child will carry on and divide what needs to be divided.

One thing I want to say is that death brings out the very worst in people. They all want a bit. Not a care for the person who died or how they treated them in real life, they just want a bit.

Keep your chin up love and keep talking on here. Lots of support babe.x

Ames

I feel like my life is a twisted version of the chumbawamba song - I get knocked down, I get up again, and they knock me down harder.

I had to get figures for the probate form. Personally I'm not sure any amount of money is worth all this angst! But yes, there is a fair amount in the estate - the mortgage is pretty small. About a fifth of the value of the house, based on the estate agent estimates from last year. Obviously if it gets repo'd then the estate is tiny.

If anything dad and sister are underestimating what it's worth, or at least when they're talking to me about it. But then, they keep contradicting themselves. Houses aren't selling (so it's worth less than dad was offering), but it's worth spending thousands on doing it up. The estate's worth so little that a solicitor will take a big dent out of it, but worth so much that when the solicitor realises how much it is they'll increase their fees. They'll say whatever they need to at any particular moment to put me down and argue against me.

If there's one good thing to come out of this weekend it's that I've finally realised what should have been clear years ago, which is the truth about them. I've always made excuses - they don't understand, it's hard for them to accept my illnesses, they're clueless rather than malicious. But when they used me being suicidal to get what they want I saw it in a different light. They really are just selfish and out for themselves and don't care how it affects me. And most importantly - I need someone in my corner.

Constant_Gardener

Sounds like there is a fair bit of equity in the property: repo means they get back what's owed plus lots of costs but there would still be equity - maybe 60-70% as long as not sold at knock down price. Stop listenining to the cr** from Dad / sister they are undermining your best intentions to do the right thing re mother's estate. Try and distance your-self - you have employed a solicitor so let them earn their fees, firstly by trying to prevent repo, freeze possession procedings or whatever is needed and get the house on the open market as you will almost always get a better price, once clear of the clutter - unless Dad / sister want to make a commercial offer for the house, not grab it at a cut-price?

Good luck - stay strong, and get someone even closer to you than forum posters in your corner

Ames

The person in my corner is the solicitor. And the doctors, nurses, etc.

As far as I'm concerned now crap to do with the estate is nothing to do with me, and anything I hear/receive about it will be handed to the solicitor.

I need to concentrate on my more immediate problems.

Constant_Gardener

"As far as I'm concerned now crap to do with the estate is nothing to do with me, and anything I hear/receive about it will be handed to the solicitor."

You are now distancing yourself - hard I am sure, but good for you, and best wishes for the rest of what you are dealing with.