Let the fun and games begin...

sunnyone

Ames wrote: »

I have told the solicitor about the car. I'm not sure about the value though because it'll have gone down now with time, and sister's had a couple of small bumps in it. So I'm not sure how we can find the value as of when mum died. It's probably in the paperwork somewhere.

I am trying to look after myself as well as I can, that's part of the reason for handing it over to a solicitor.

As KFB said it wont be hard for the solicitor to get the value of the car post your mums death to apply it to the estate and good on you for making sure it will be taken into consideration because the way your sister has rai lroaded you is shameful.

Is she closer to your dad than you are?

Is that why she wanted your dad to have the house so much?

Im pleased you are trying to look after yourself, I know this thread is a release and even if you do get to a bad stage just remember you are not alone and there are people here 24/7.

Ames

I'm not sure closer's the word, she manipulates him very easily. He feels guilty about leaving her with mum when they divorced, even though he tried to get custody. Mum was an alcoholic who pretended sister was ill so she could get benefits for her, which obviously has scarred her.

Dad's 'lent' sister thousands, and even took out a loan when he ran out of cash. He moans about it and how he can't afford it but still does it.

The reason she's so desperate to have him buy the house is that she doesn't want to lose the 'family home'. It doesn't make sense for me, it's where mum abused us all. Plus, it's a big family home, a family should be living in it building their own memories. We all used to criticise mum for rattling round in it on her own, I don't see that it'd be different for dad.

Plus there's the financial aspect. The idea was that dad would buy it and do it up, then when he dies we'll get the profit. Except now he's saying he wants to do it up and downsize in a couple of years and pocket the profit himself.

That's where it gets complicated and silly. Basically, he was shafted in the divorce and wants to get back what he lost.

I'm a bit hurt that I haven't heard from them yet. One of the things I said to dad in the email was that I know he's ashamed of me but could he please not dismiss the things I do that I'm proud of out of hand. I guess I was hoping he'd reply straight away with 'don't be silly, of course I'm not ashamed of you'.

I suppose that there's a small chance that they're both thinking about what I said, but certainly in sister's case I doubt it.

Ames

Well I've just had a phonecall from sister. First of all she said she wasn't going to discuss my email, but then went off and kept doing that. Basically saying I'm either wrong about things, or that they're just not important (that was about her assuming I'll go out of my way to help her without her even saying thank you). I think she managed to miss the point of everything I said.

She did say a couple of things about the solicitor though.

Firstly, she suggested we ask someone neutral to do it, someone who we trust who isn't a family member. As I understand the process though, the money goes to the administrator who then dishes it out to the beneficiaries. Which is a hell of a lot of trust to place in someone. It's also a hell of a responsibility to take on for nothing in return. What really annoys me too is that the person she's suggested is someone mum wanted to leave money to if she'd got round to making a will. Sister has said no to that, and instead will let her have an ornament or something to remember her by.

Secondly, she says that it's better to have a solicitor near where the house is in case there's any problems. I think it's better to have one near where I live (sister's currently living with dad but when her new job starts she'll be moving to Leeds, so it's near to where we'll both be when things get moving).

She also says I should have shopped around instead of seeing the first one I met. But I felt really comfortable with her, her rates are reasonable, it's a small family firm (which I trust more than a big national one that just happens to have a local office) and comes with high personal recommendations.

I've told her that I'll think about it, but my first impressions are that it's just not fair to ask someone to do it for us. Especially for no pay!

She's also planning to write to the solicitor if I go ahead and say that she's not paying half the bill. I'm not sure how I can get through to her that legally she has no choice, and by being awkward about that and other stuff the bill's just going to get bigger!

She's done some reading online and says that it's only complicated estates that need a solicitor, but doesn't seem to grasp that it's her and dad that are complicating things so that it needs one.

Anyway, I'm starting to rant so I'll stop here.

RAS

Well, really this is none of her business because she wanted you to adminster the estate in the first place and you are only doing what is required of you in law.

Ames, you could have done every single thing she suggested and guess what? She would have suggested that you did the opposite.

You know the serenity prayer? Well you cannot change your sister and you can never be right with her, so let go and enjoy the weekend.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

NAR

Right Ames, she is not listening, time for YOUR solicitor to issue the letter to your father and sister.
Maybe then she will realise you will not be browbeaten any more.

Caroline_a

She needs to understand the the solicitor's fees come out of the estate... so if the estate is worth £50k, and it is to be divided equally between (say) 2 people, then it will be worked out as:

£50k - £3k (sol's fees) divided by 2, so in this case would be £47k divided by 2.

Your sister cannot challenge this at all as far as I know, unless she thinks that the fees are unreasonable.

Ames

I've tried explaining that to her, and that she has no choice in the matter, but she's still saying she wont pay and she's going to challenge the solicitor on it. Which'll add a couple of hundred onto the bill.

It's not that this solicitor's fees are unreasonable, she thinks that paying anything is unreasonable.

In sisterland, what she wants is more important than the law.

She did though say that she owes me half the value of the car, so it's good to know that's one issue I don't have to fight.

RAS

Well I reckon her half of the car will just about cover "your half" of the administration fees.

Caroline_a

I would just ignore her. If she thinks she knows better, let the solicitor put her right. Then if she goes to another solicitor to ask the question she'll have to pay more. Idiot...

Ames

Ok, I've spoken to sister again and she was quite reasonable.

She seems to have accepted the idea of a solicitor but is annoyed that I didn't involve her in the choice, and says I was stupid to go with the first one I saw.

She wants us to look for one together, and thinks it should be in Scarborough, where the house is, rather than Leeds where I live. She says it'll cost a fortune if the solicitor has to travel to Scarborough for anything. But I can't see that being neccessary.

What do people think, is it a good compromise? As I said, I'm very happy with the one I found (she has excellent references from people I know too), and I don't really want to have a three hour round trip everytime I need to see her, or sign anything.

Could there be problems with the distance?