Wife does'nt drive

KiKi

Ellejmorgan wrote: »

Some people just don't like driving and don't want to...
I think you are being unreasonable, you married her without her driving licence and knew what you were getting...

I wonder if there is more to this, I wouldn't think twice about offering the person I loved a lift, I wouldn't even question it..

I bet you'd think twice if you worked a late shift 5 days a week and were expected to get up early the following morning to take your partner to work every single work day, every week, every year. And if you got calls asking for lifts late at night with no warning. And was expected to drive every time you go out.

The occasional lift and on days out together is fine. But every single day, on top of shift work is taking the p*ss.

I appreciate she doesn't want to drive; I have my licence but HATE it, and haven't driven for over 10 years. But I wouldn't give my partner a hard time for not driving me to work every morning after he's been doing late shifts.

KiKi

balletshoes

I drive, my OH doesn't.
During our marriage we've at times worked very different hours/shift patterns.
ie I could be on Mon-Fri, 8am to 3pm, he could be on 4pm til midnight, Tues-Sat. He would not expect me to pick him up at midnight when he finished work, he will get the bus home. If he misses the bus, he'll get a taxi.
I will offer to take him to work if I haven't got anything else on, but again, its me offering, he wouldn't expect me to do it (he could get a bus).
He wouldn't expect me to collect him from a friend's house either, he'd make his own way home.

I would be irritated if my OH expected me to drive him here there and everywhere to be honest, because if I didn't drive, I wouldn't expect him to do it for me, if there was public transport available/I could get a taxi home.

xxlouisexx56

This could be me!!!

When DP and I met, I had a 2 year old dd. I lived in a nice 2 mile triangle of home, work and nursery. I could walk and get the bus everywhere me and DD needed to go.

Fast forward 3 years and DD number 2 is here and DD1 goes to a school a fair bus ride away. It's a nightmare, 2 kids, buggy, bags, buses

So last year I started lessons and I am taking my practical test next week



I never expect my DP to take me anywhere. Like today I went to the gym and got the bus there, we needed to go food shopping after so I got another bus to meet him and the kids there.

I can imagine I will kart the kids around in the week and pick DP up from the station when I can and he will do weekend driving

Ellejmorgan

KiKi wrote: »

I bet you'd think twice if you worked a late shift 5 days a week and were expected to get up early the following morning to take your partner to work every single work day, every week, every year. And if you got calls asking for lifts late at night with no warning. And was expected to drive every time you go out.

The occasional lift and on days out together is fine. But every single day, on top of shift work is taking the p*ss.

I appreciate she doesn't want to drive; I have my licence but HATE it, and haven't driven for over 10 years. But I wouldn't give my partner a hard time for not driving me to work every morning after he's been doing late shifts.

KiKi

Actually yes I do see your point...I can see why you have the hump..:)

What are her reasons for not driving, has she been involved in an accident ?? Is it a confidence thing ?? or is it she's just not independant...

What would she do if you wasn't around ???

Kynthia

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I'm no feminist - I champion equality
HBS x

Isn't that what a feminist does?

People have very strange ideas about the word 'feminist' nowadays as it was someone who felt women should have equal rights as men. It's not about being anti-men or wanting more rights.

Gloomendoom

Kynthia wrote: »

Isn't that what a feminist does?

People have very strange ideas about the word 'feminist' nowadays as it was someone who felt women should have equal rights as men. It's not about being anti-men or wanting more rights.

I feel that women and men should have equal rights/opportunities.

I would not class myself as a feminist.

cherylsurrey

Sometimes it is just impossible to learn and she may be to embarassed to say if she has a problem, which is what I was like.

I cant drive, I spent years and an absolute fortune trying with several instructors and got no where even though I was desperate to learn. I would not be safe on the roads, I couldn't do roundabouts safely, would get in a terrible muddle trying to figure out how they worked, anything involving reversing was a disaster. I could not work out distances, would pull out infront of people and almost caused a nasty accident when out on my last lesson, which left me in shock as well as my instructor and made me realise I would not be safe on the roads.

Also, my night vision is terrible and I cant see well enough to park a car or do much else when it is dark. I make sure that I live near to a town (walkable distance) and public transport (my local station), I can get everywhere I need, mostly by foot and train. If I needed to get anywhere else I could use a taxi and if you add it all up it still costs me less than running a car.

Marisco

That's fair enough cheryl, you are not relying on someone else to give you lifts all the time. I think that is the bone of contention with the op, the fact that she's not making an effort, and expects to be ferried around everywhere anytime!

jazabelle

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I feel that women and men should have equal rights/opportunities.

I would not class myself as a feminist.

But that is the very definition of a feminist. No man hating, no bra burning - just equal opportunities for both sexes, as you've said.

thegirlintheattic

euronorris wrote: »

I think the 'emergency situation' is a good motivator. Before I learned to drive, I was living at home with the folks. Late one summer evening, my Dad had an accident in the garden. He fell backwards onto a spade that he'd left stuck in the ground (he was busy tidying away all the tools, but hadn't got to that one yet). So, he both broke his elbow and cut it open pretty badly. There was blood everywhere, my Mum was in a right state, my Dad was in schock and my brother had already had a few drinks. Me? Didn't have a licence yet. I've never felt so helpless and useless in all my life. The only option I had was to get my brother to calm my Mum down enough to drive, whilst I administered first aid to my Dad, and got him into the back of the car for the drive to the hospital.

Whilst I get your point, you did have another option - an ambulance. Probably better than having your panicked mum behind the wheel of the car. If you are panicked you are more likely to crash. Of course if you live in the back of beyond having a car for medical emergencies is a good idea - but not needed in an urban area really.

OP if your wife doesn't really like driving or want to drive - that's her decision - respect it.

You do however need to talk about reasonable steps she can take to get herself around, and she needs to agree with them - e.g. public transport, taxis, asking mates for lifts. Although picking her up late a night once in a while is probably not asking much.