Wife does'nt drive

annie_d

I accept the 'emergency situation" but thats what it is...an emergency. If it was ongoing I would put something in place.

Marisco.. He drives and cooks. I garden and tidy. We both clean. We pay for car/home maintenance/ironing as we are both rubbish at those sort of things.

I am quite handy in a taxi and I GUARANTEE that taxis I have got over the years when I was single cost me far less than driving lessons/car buying/car maintenance would have done.

Gloomendoom

jazabelle wrote: »

But that is the very definition of a feminist. No man hating, no bra burning - just equal opportunities for both sexes, as you've said.

So you can be a man and be a feminist?

Bangton

I have driven for years now but earlier in my relationship, I didn't. To be honest it was laziness and cost that made me stop and start learning. Then my dad got cancer and was treated miles from home. I could never go see him on my own and always relied on everyone else to get me there. Unfortunately he died too quickly for me to start and finish lessons but following his death I started learning and finally got the kick up my butt that I needed to keep going.
Prior to that I relied on my partner way too much...assuming driving was no big deal and taking for granted the copious lifts he gave me. Now I drive I do appreciate what a pain it can be. Mostly I enjoy driving but when the traffic is manic (eg..when giving lifts to work in rush hr) it does get frustrating. I do empathise with your situation. Personally, I had driving lessons once a week and drove with my partner as often as I could in between. We did row but I passed first time so it was worth it. I think I was 23 or so when I finally got through it and regret leaving it that long! She needs a firm talking to. Life is so much easier when you can drive and do things for yourself ( i know it isn't the be all and end all but she seems to rely on you a little too much)

Gingham_R

Gloomendoom wrote: »

So you can be a man and be a feminist?

Of course. Most of the men I know are feminists.

Steel_2

I don't drive, my husband does.

I have the opposite problem to the OP in that I can't get my husband not to pick me up and ferry me around. He's a petrol head and loves driving.

I like walking (in fact it's the only exercise I get at the moment) and have no problem getting on public transport and hopping around on my own. I was brought up in London and we had no family car. However my husband insists on taking me everywhere, even times when I've said no. Suddenly he has to get something from a shop nearby where I'm going or he has a good reason to be going to the same place. He laughs when he does it and it's a bit of a standing joke between us.

Don't get me wrong, he doesn't hang around or be silly watching me, it's not a jealousy thing - he drops me then goes straight away. Just for some reason he's been brought up with an idea from his dad that you do this, and he is a very chivalrous person. After 8 years he will still lean across and open the car door for me for example. Personally I think he's very kind and very thoughtful, and has always strived to try and make my life easier without being asked which I'm very appreciative of. He's told me he hates to think that I might be struggling home tired with bags or feet hurting when he can do something about it.


In terms of how I feel about learning, I got to a point with my lessons where I was parallel parking. I've got to this point twice and twice I've stopped. I actually dislike driving immensely and are left with a blinding headache after every lesson.

I hate the way people treat learners. I've been 'bumped' from behind to get a move on, I'm cut up and then had people 'peck' at their brakes once they get in front of me to frighten me, I've been sworn at, and had things chucked at the car by nutters overtaking. In general I find a lot of people out there are poor drivers with no patience and an awful lot of attitude.

At the moment I have no desire or incentive to learn.

I don't need one to get to work, as hubby works a few minutes around the corner from me, and thinks running a second car for me to get to work or getting public transport is a false economy. Personally I can get to work no problem on public transport and have in the past.

We pass by a supermarket on the way home from work so the shopping can be done easily and he likes to take an interest in what goes in the trolley (and fill it full of snacks!!!).

I have asked him whether he would like to me to finish the driving so I can drive if he wants to drink on a night out, and he said personally he's rather get a taxi if he knows he's going out somewhere and will be drinking.

If anything happens to my husband and he needs someone to drive him if he becomes ill, I've decided I will finish my lessons then. If I need to do an intensive course to complete it within a couple of weeks I'll do that.

At the moment, that is the only circumstance under which I will drive.

Having been brought up without a car I don't believe that cars give you freedom or independence. You have that anyway. What they give you is convenience.

Idiophreak

jazabelle wrote: »

But that is the very definition of a feminist. No man hating, no bra burning - just equal opportunities for both sexes, as you've said.

It's interesting....Every dictionary definition of "feminism" you'll read backs up what you're saying, but that doesn't seem to be played out in real life. I spend more time than I should (as a man) listening to Radio 4's woman's hour and it's quite clear that feminism is about far more than equality...

Take, for example, Harriet Harman (well documented feminist...) and her insistence that at least one of the top three positions in the labour party should be held by a woman. This has nothing to do with equality and everything to do with inequality.

Scarcely a day goes by where there isn't some kind of man-hating, bra-burning agenda presented in the name of "feminism"...

Personally, I don't mind massively...and quite enjoy it to listen to...but I imagine if I were a "feminist" in the purer sense, I'd be quite frustrated by these people undermining the cause so frequently.

heartbreak_star

Steel wrote: »

In terms of how I feel about learning, I got to a point with my lessons where I was parallel parking. I've got to this point twice and twice I've stopped. I actually dislike driving immensely and are left with a blinding headache after every lesson. This is because you've stressed yourself out about the lesson.

I hate the way people treat learners. I've been 'bumped' from behind to get a move on, I'm cut up and then had people 'peck' at their brakes once they get in front of me to frighten me, I've been sworn at, and had things chucked at the car by nutters overtaking. In general I find a lot of people out there are poor drivers with no patience and an awful lot of attitude. This is rotten, I'd never do any of these to a learner I really feel for you.

At the moment I have no desire or incentive to learn. Hope you don't have family miles away that you have to get to late at night if your husband's not well.

And with regards to all the girls who have queried my feminist comment, the term has sadly evolved from "person who believes in equal rights for women" to "bra-burning hypocritical man hating pain-in-the-backside" in far too many cases (I speak from experience, one of the many examples I can give is my OH's ex - she referred to herself as a feminist and lectured him about so-called "women's rights" every time he called her hun or sweetie, though when he stopped doing it she accused him of not fancying her).

I believe the correct term is now equalitarian. In the words of one of my many male friends to a girl who'd been bought drinks in rounds all night and bellowing about feminism... "You want equality? It's your round." She looked shocked, got uppity at her bf, and he shrugged and said he'd already bought his round and it was hers. She went home. The relationship didn't last as he "didn't treat her right and all his friends hated her." Incidentally, I'd bought my round .

Incidentally, I hope all your feminists go halves on dates, buy men drinks, and don't expect them to drive you everywhere? Or is that just "chivalry" (hypocrisy)?

Sorry for the off-topic rant but this is a subject that drives me mad. Maybe I have just had a bad experience of "feminists".

HBS x

moneypuddle

I drive, my OH (male) doesn't.

It doesn't really bother us. At the minute he is working far from home, so I get up at 6am to take his to the train statio, come back home for 630am and get back into bed for an hour, then drive myself to work. At the end of the working day I drive home from work at 5pm, then go back to the train station at 745pm to collect him. I wouldn't dream of sitting at home, and letting him walk home, expecially not in this heat.

If he goes out to his friends on a weekend, I'll usually drop him off, and he'll walk back later (maybe a mile tops) because I'll have normally gone to bed (I'm pregnant and need my sleep!).

heartbreak_star

moneypuddle wrote: »

I drive, my OH (male) doesn't.

It doesn't really bother us. At the minute he is working far from home, so I get up at 6am to take his to the train statio, come back home for 630am and get back into bed for an hour, then drive myself to work. At the end of the working day I drive home from work at 5pm, then go back to the train station at 745pm to collect him. I wouldn't dream of sitting at home, and letting him walk home, expecially not in this heat.

If he goes out to his friends on a weekend, I'll usually drop him off, and he'll walk back later (maybe a mile tops) because I'll have normally gone to bed (I'm pregnant and need my sleep!).

See I think this is OK as you're offering to do it - he's not demanding it or guilting you into it

Me and my OH do the same for each other.

HBS x

Mojisola

moneypuddle wrote: »

I drive, my OH (male) doesn't.

It doesn't really bother us. At the minute he is working far from home, so I get up at 6am to take his to the train statio, come back home for 630am and get back into bed for an hour, then drive myself to work. At the end of the working day I drive home from work at 5pm, then go back to the train station at 745pm to collect him. I wouldn't dream of sitting at home, and letting him walk home, expecially not in this heat.

If he goes out to his friends on a weekend, I'll usually drop him off, and he'll walk back later (maybe a mile tops) because I'll have normally gone to bed (I'm pregnant and need my sleep!).

heartbreak_star wrote: »

See I think this is OK as you're offering to do it - he's not demanding it or guilting you into it

Me and my OH do the same for each other.

As heartbreak says, while it suits both of you, that's fine. What's going to happen after baby arrives? Are you going to get you and baby out into the car at 6am to take him to the station?