Partner wants me to pay all the rent?

msrisotto

By the way, anyone know why f r e e l o a d e r is replaced by exclamation marks like an expletive?

floss2

msrisotto wrote: »

Well, it sounds like he just can't afford to move out of his parents house.....

I would have written "won't" rather than "can't".....if he wants it enough he will cut back on his personal spending - just as we have all made sacrifices at times to do / get what we wanted.

floss2

By the way, OP, can I ask 2 questions that I think I know the answers to? Does he do his own laundry, and can he cook?

Tiddlywinks

McKneff wrote: »

..... It doesnt matter whether he earns less than you, why should you pay for half of his share...........

And yes, he is taking the proverbial. He must think you are stupid,
I wouldnt want to live with someone who thought I was that stupid and who was going to blag off me

I think that bills etc should be apportioned according to earnings - otherwise the pain is felt more accutely by the lower earner.

SnowBoarder wrote: »

Re the 50/50 arguement - I suggested this but he said it wasn't fair because I earned more. He knows that I could cover the whole cost myself but I don't want to enter into this with him living off me...I would end up hating him for it.

Why?

de1amo wrote: »

i got this !!!! about face!--if your the female he should foot the bill!

Again, why? If the OP is female then what's different? She earns more, so should contribute more to the pot.

jd87

The thing I have found most shocking about this thread is the number of people who seem to be splitting their finances anything other than 50/50 with their partner.

Lots of people saying "I earn more so I pay more, it's not his/her fault that they earn less".

I earn less than my partner and we have never considered anything other than paying 50/50. We both made our own choices to end up in the positions we have, and it's entirely my fault that I earn less! I don't want to sponge off my partner.

Person_one

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I feel really sad when I read these posts.

Call me old fashioned but if you make a committment to each other then I honestly feel that it is a case of sharing finances.

It seems that people almost move in together with the assumption that it may not work out and they should keep their finances separate.

I can understand this and I know people keep their finances separate even if they are married. (Judge Judy would certainly agree with that!)

When I got married my husband earned a great deal more money than me but it was all put into one pot. In later years he has had to rely on my money when his business went belly up and vice versa. Never felt it was my money or his money - just our money.

Sorry, don't mean to start a big discussion. Just seems a not very good basis for a realtionship if you can't even work out the money bit.

OK, will stop now!

The problem is that you don't know when you first move in if its going to be a lifelong commitment, that's part of the point of moving in, to find out!

I don't believe that true partners should have massively different lifestyles, and I don't believe in 50/50 regardless of earnings, but it is hard to find a 'halfway' stage between completely separate and completely intertwined.

HappyMJ

jd87 wrote: »

The thing I have found most shocking about this thread is the number of people who seem to be splitting their finances anything other than 50/50 with their partner.

Lots of people saying "I earn more so I pay more, it's not his/her fault that they earn less".

I earn less than my partner and we have never considered anything other than paying 50/50. We both made our own choices to end up in the positions we have, and it's entirely my fault that I earn less! I don't want to sponge off my partner.

It takes into account the fact the one partner may lose their job through no fault of their own. If their income then falls to zero how are they expected to continue paying 50% of all the bills. What about children? All these questions must be answered prior to moving in.

For example...If I split the household bills (£2,000 a month) 50/50 with my partner then I would have £500 a month disposable income and my partner would have nothing. That isn't fair. I used to earn £1,500 and my partner earnt £1,000 a month. So we pooled it (on paper not in a joint bank account) paid the essential household bills then split the remainder 50/50 so we both had £250 a month each to spend on whatever we wanted.

floss2

jd87 wrote: »

The thing I have found most shocking about this thread is the number of people who seem to be splitting their finances anything other than 50/50 with their partner.

Lots of people saying "I earn more so I pay more, it's not his/her fault that they earn less".

I earn less than my partner and we have never considered anything other than paying 50/50. We both made our own choices to end up in the positions we have, and it's entirely my fault that I earn less! I don't want to sponge off my partner.

It's going off topic, but if I paid 50% then after I have saved my regular (same as DH) amount, I would have precisely £42 left to my name for a month. DH would have considerably more than this as he brings home double the amount that I do. That's why we work out our contribution to the bills based on the percentage of income calculation, which works for us.

Person_one

jd87 wrote: »

The thing I have found most shocking about this thread is the number of people who seem to be splitting their finances anything other than 50/50 with their partner.

Lots of people saying "I earn more so I pay more, it's not his/her fault that they earn less".

I earn less than my partner and we have never considered anything other than paying 50/50. We both made our own choices to end up in the positions we have, and it's entirely my fault that I earn less! I don't want to sponge off my partner.

Most people don't think equal partners should have massively different lifestyles.

Not everybody can earn the same, but if you're in it for the long haul then its just not right for one 'partner' to have a huge disposable income to spend on Xboxes or handbags or luxury holidays while the other scrimps to pay their half of the bills with no money even for a decent haircut or a nice work suit.

Hermia

jd87 wrote: »

The thing I have found most shocking about this thread is the number of people who seem to be splitting their finances anything other than 50/50 with their partner.

Lots of people saying "I earn more so I pay more, it's not his/her fault that they earn less".

I earn less than my partner and we have never considered anything other than paying 50/50. We both made our own choices to end up in the positions we have, and it's entirely my fault that I earn less! I don't want to sponge off my partner.

But, would the richer partner be prepared to live the lifestyle of the poorer partner? For example, I have a friend who is very highly paid and his wife is a nurse. He earns about £60k more than her. The only way they could have a 50/50 relationship is if they bought a tiny house in the worst part of town and had cheap holidays. He wants to live in a nice house in a safe area and have a nice lifestyle so he has to contribute more.

OP - I wouldn't move in with him yet. BTW, has he told you that he will up his contribution when he reduces his debts or gets a better job or is he assuming you will pay everything forever.