Partner wants me to pay all the rent?

Going4TheDream

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Couldn't have put it better myself and it was this aspect which was ringing the loudest alarm bells for me, and not the money side of matters.

OP - when someone comes out with manipulative stuff like "if you loved me..." it is the clearest possible warning of their thinking. It ought to be telling you that this man is a schemer, and in your shoes, I'd be doing a great deal of careful thinking.

Thanks, I think that I picked up on it because I once had a guy that used the same sort of phrases and I unfortunatley fell for them. It cost me a lot more than just money, supporting him (and his two children) and things were never good enough no matter how hard I tried. The more I tried/did for him or paid the more he expected.

I am quite a strong person but my self esteem was on the floor by the time I plucked up the courage to move on.

Looking back it was a form of abuse but at the time I didnt see it.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing

londonsurrey

Going4TheDream wrote: »

Thanks, I think that I picked up on it because I once had a guy that used the same sort of phrases and I unfortunatley fell for them. It cost me a lot more than just money, supporting him (and his two children) and things were never good enough no matter how hard I tried. The more I tried/did for him or paid the more he expected.

I am quite a strong person but my self esteem was on the floor by the time I plucked up the courage to move on.

Looking back it was a form of abuse but at the time I didnt see it.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing

I understand that, and although it wasn't a partner, it was my mother who did that to me.

Does anyone understand the mechanics of it, because I would love to have exactly how it works spelt out. It's almost like those fake auctions, where the victim is promised rewards are just about to happen, so they jump through one more hoop to get there, only to have another hoop presented.

Dinah93

Don't move in with him, you'll only be moving out again.

The only way £600 spends a month makes sense is if the missing piece of the puzzle is that he's spending £400 on commuting or some such thing. But that wouldn't make sense on such a low wage.

It's about priorities, his are his toys not his relationship, otherwise he'd be cutting back in order to be able to spend more time together - he only wants to live together if it's easy and you pay his way instead of his parents, otherwise he's not really that bothered.

You talk about sacrificing your partner over money - that's exactly the same decision he's been faced with and he's decided clinging onto his cash is more important. He has valued your relationship at £150 a month, as thats how much he's willing to give up to make it happen.

JustinCredibleGillespie

Dinah93 wrote: »

Don't move in with him, you'll only be moving out again.

The only way £600 spends a month makes sense is if the missing piece of the puzzle is that he's spending £400 on commuting or some such thing. But that wouldn't make sense on such a low wage.

It's about priorities, his are his toys not his relationship, otherwise he'd be cutting back in order to be able to spend more time together - he only wants to live together if it's easy and you pay his way instead of his parents, otherwise he's not really that bothered.

You talk about sacrificing your partner over money - that's exactly the same decision he's been faced with and he's decided clinging onto his cash is more important. He has valued your relationship at £150 a month, as thats how much he's willing to give up to make it happen.

Exactly!

OP if you look at it from this prespective, it rings true.

Great post

JCG

xx

Saturnalia

shegirl wrote: »

Anyone who uses that term seriously (I point out 'seriously' as I used to put on a kids childish voice,!!!! my head, exaggerate fluttering eyelashes or do a sad toddler face with wobbling lip and take the pee out of said friend,jokingly saying it to ex and a friend of ours:rotfl:) is emotionally bullying you and it's not something you want to get yourself into.It'll just wear you down and leave you used as a doormat trying to prove yourself.

Yes, that.

Anyone who says "If you loved me, you'd [do something you've already told me you aren't happy with]" doesn't respect you or your boundaries at all and doesn't even really like you all that much, never mind love!

He's a chancing cheapskate, an overgrown child, and now he's inching into emotional blackmail too! What are you getting out of this relationship?

Lotus-eater

Saturnalia wrote: »

He's a chancing cheapskate, an overgrown child, and now he's inching into emotional blackmail too! What are you getting out of this relationship?

Have you not been listening..............he's hot and he cooks! :rotfl: