Partner wants me to pay all the rent?

BitterAndTwisted

SnowBoarder wrote: »

Just thinking that!!!!

Feel a bit stupid now! :-o

Daring you're not stupid at all.

One: you were uncertain enough in your own mind to start this thread and ask the question. Very astute.

Two: you appear to be paying attention to the opinions given. Very smart.

Stupid would be to ignore your inner voice, ignore opinions and just go ahead do it anyway.

Judith_W

Assuming he has £600 'spends' and nothing essential like car, then he could easily contribute half to the house - £600, you £1200, leaving him £150 a month for spends still - loads!

I would suggest you ask him to either put £600 in savings if it is true that he isn't allowed to pay off his debts quicker, or wack the £600 extra on the debt while he is still living at home for say 3months.

Otherwise you will find he just doesn't have the cash if he agrees to it and you move in together.

shop-to-drop

Please don't move in with him even if you get him to agree with a fair split. Do you really think he will pay his way every month?

shegirl

zagfles wrote: »

To the kids it's just one of Mummy/Daddy's "friends". The harm occurs if/when the kids develop an emotional attachment to the step-parent, that's not going to happen with someone who's only around for a few weeks, anymore than it would happen with a visiting relative from Australia who stays a few weeks.

There's nothing wrong with a trail run as a step-parent, from both the parents' and kids POV. The kids may not get on with the step-parent as well as vv.

Apologies to the OP for derailing the thread...I'll butt out now:o

Is it really?I disagree.And although I would argue about it forever this isn't the thread for it!

thegirlintheattic

You haven't given enough information really.

If the amount of money left over is for essentials then you have to decide if living with him is worth paying his share. If it's just for spending money tell him where to go. Just bear in mind that if you do go for a 50/50 spilt you may have to lower your lifestyle expectations if you want him to, for example, go on holiday with you and he can't afford it.

We split the household bills/rent 1/3 me and 2/3 OH. OH earns more than double I do, does no housework and has a really short commute and very low living expensive. I have lots of car expenses, a long commute and do all the housework. We decided it was fairer for me to pay less.

krlyr

Judith_W wrote: »

Assuming he has £600 'spends' and nothing essential like car, then he could easily contribute half to the house - £600, you £1200, leaving him £150 a month for spends still - loads!

Exactly. OH and I were saving for a house and now have a mortgage and overpayments to make and manage with £100 spending money a month each. He doesn't need £600 spending money for toys etc. - he may want it but many adults would love to have £600 to spend instead of paying rent, but they don't have the luxury. He has to decide what he prefer, spare cash but living with his parents, or to commit to living with you and accept that it comes with financial sacrifices.

Going4TheDream

SnowBoarder wrote: »

there is always the "look, do you want to live together or not" or the "if you loved me you would just pay for it" cr*p. (crikey how bad does that sound!)

I am sure we would all love to live rent/mortgage free but in the grown up world it isnt like that and we have to live within our means and pay our 'fair' share of things!

Seems he wants to jump from living rent free with his family to be living rent free with you.

The only difference will be the person who is paying for his lifestyle choice

Sounds a bit like 'emotional black mail' to me and that alone would make me run a mile.

paddy's_mum

Going4TheDream wrote: »

I am sure we would all love to live rent/mortgage free but in the grown up world it isnt like that and we have to live within our means and pay our 'fair' share of things!

Seems he wants to jump from living rent free with his family to be living rent free with you.

The only difference will be the person who is paying for his lifestyle choice

Sounds a bit like 'emotional black mail' to me and that alone would make me run a mile.

Couldn't have put it better myself and it was this aspect which was ringing the loudest alarm bells for me, and not the money side of matters.

OP - when someone comes out with manipulative stuff like "if you loved me..." it is the clearest possible warning of their thinking. It ought to be telling you that this man is a schemer, and in your shoes, I'd be doing a great deal of careful thinking.

sharnad

How he wants you to be his new mammy. Hes 38. How long do you think. It will take him to grow up.

londonsurrey

I'm guessing he's probably quite good natured and good fun, but TBH most of us would be probably good fun company if we didn't have most of our responsibilities.

The good thing about this is that he's actually been upfront about what he's willing to contribute towards the rent/mortgage, so you are making your decision based on his real attitude towards what he's entitled to.

This fundamental attitude is unlikely to change in the long term, even if he's persuaded/browbeaten into paying his fair whack. He'll harbour some resentment, and tend to veer towards trying to pay this kind of percentage for things or get out of paying for them because he's already laying out so much more than he intended for the monthly outgoings.

For instance, what happens when incidentals like a bed, curtains, a bit of carpet, linen, replacement washing machine need to be purchased? It might not be these particular items, but something always comes up. Will he be ok with paying an extra £100-£300 that month, or will he throw his hands up in horror?