Partner wants me to pay all the rent?

FBaby

Do you know the extent of his debts? If he doesn't pay rent and bills, how can he be left with only £150? Is it a case that he wastes his money away every month, or the size of his debts is crippling, or both (most likely!). Whatever it is, it sounds worrying, especially if he shows no sign of concern.

Are you sure you want to move in with him? Money matters are very important in a relationship, not just who pays the bills, but making plans and savings for them, who pays for what when going out, who pays for unexpected bills...

Tomby1

SnowBoarder wrote: »

Did you work it out as a % or just guessimates?

Well, I earn 5 times more than her, but 20% seemed a bit one-sided and she didn't want to feel like she was freeloading.

So we decided that I would pay 2/3 of rent, electric etc. (so all the main bills) and then I would pay for the majority of the non-essentials like Sky.

HappyMJ

SnowBoarder wrote: »

He is with family, rent/bill free other than electric...

How does that not suprise me....

If he really wants to move in he will have to consider going onto a debt management plan for his debts.

pmlindyloo

I feel really sad when I read these posts.

Call me old fashioned but if you make a committment to each other then I honestly feel that it is a case of sharing finances.

It seems that people almost move in together with the assumption that it may not work out and they should keep their finances separate.

I can understand this and I know people keep their finances separate even if they are married. (Judge Judy would certainly agree with that!)

When I got married my husband earned a great deal more money than me but it was all put into one pot. In later years he has had to rely on my money when his business went belly up and vice versa. Never felt it was my money or his money - just our money.

Sorry, don't mean to start a big discussion. Just seems a not very good basis for a realtionship if you can't even work out the money bit.

OK, will stop now!

GobbledyGook

Do you know how much he earns and how much his debts are (and what the debts are from)?

Either way I wouldn't be moving in with him until his financial position is clearer, but there is a difference between someone earning £500 a month being left with £150 and someone earning £2k being left with £150. You need to know before you start making financial ties with him.

CH27

Don't move in with him until his debts are cleared & he is willing & able to pay his own way.

VfM4meplse

You're not his mum. I bet if you raised this with his parents they would be furious at his suggestion, no responsible parent raises their child to take others for a ride.

He should stay at home until he finds himself a sugamamma.

msrisotto

Well, it sounds like he just can't afford to move out of his parents house. I wouldn't be comfortable paying more than my fair share (unless children and child care was involved, totally different kettle of fish) proportionally. As you said, you would resent him for it. In a way you can't blame him for trying it on.. Must be nice to have your money for yourself and not have to worry about rent and food etc but it sounds like he's got too comfortable with his parents and isn't ready to grow up and take responsibility for himself.

floss2

Does he have £150 a month left AFTER his debt repayments and "pocket money" are taken out, and he's living rent-free? How much does he think he should have to spend on himself and what does he spend it on?!

Personally I would suggest that he finds somewhere on the budget he thinks is reasonable (which will probably be chez mummy & daddy) and you will continue to stay where you are!

HappyMJ

CH27 wrote: »

Don't move in with him until his debts are cleared & he is willing & able to pay his own way.

Don't have to be cleared as such just manageable. I will never clear some of my debts due to the super low interest rate that applies...i.e 0% forever. They are very manageable debts and I would be mad to clear them any quicker.