reassure me please

SunnyCyprus

DylanO, his behaviour was violent, was it not? you dont have to hit someone to actually be violent. throwing chairs about, smashing plates.., dangerously pulling up the handbrake??
both violent towards each other.

Tamsin_Temrin

Ive got a bit of an ishoo with flight/fight reactions. Stopping me getting away from an angry situation to calm down wouldnt lead to smashed chairs, it would lead to four pages in the Sunday papers, just sayin.

And women can be abusers too. They just dont usually use violence (though it happens more than is admitted) so it is harder to identify. The usual way is to use verbal abuse and manipulation. Stopping someone from leaving a room to get away from an argument is absolute classic dv indication.

OP - you dont come out of this looking pretty. How do you feel about people pointing the finger at you? And btw, he should get the hell away from you for his own benefit. just mvho

coolcait

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

....
And women can be abusers too. They just dont usually use violence (though it happens more than is admitted) so it is harder to identify. The usual way is to use verbal abuse and manipulation. Stopping someone from leaving a room to get away from an argument is absolute classic dv indication.

....

I agree with all of the posters who have pointed out that the OP's behaviour needs to be examined just as critically as her BF's. I also agree that it would be better for both of them to have - at the very least - a timeout from the relationship until they can each address their own issues, and learn some relationship skills.

Tamsin's point, which I've quoted, is a very telling one. I think that a lot of domestic abuse by women goes under the radar because it's 'just' verbal.

The seriousness, and impact, of verbal domestic abuse is less likely to go unnoticed when a woman is on the receving end of it.

The OP said this:

Lilly11a wrote: »

... which I did moan ( not shout) about .

He has then stormed out , i 've eventually picked him up in my car ... I 'm driving him to the station and he pulls the handbreak up to stop the car at 30 mph!

We don't know what the content of the 'moan' was. A sustained tirade (not shouted) about the general uselessness of the person being moaned at can be very damaging. Nore damaging than being shouted at.

And, what was happening in the car at the time the BF pulled the handbrake? I don't condone or justify the fact that he did it - it was an extraordinarily stupid and dangerous thing to do.

But, the OP is very sparse on the detail of how she persuaded him to get into the car, and what, if anything, was said - or done - once he got in.

shegirl

purple.sarah wrote: »

Also the boyfriend sounds paranoid thinking that asking him not to mess up some papers was trying "to manipulate him and make him look like a c**t".

I'd say someone who prevents their partner from leaving the home to cool off is quite likely to be someone who is manipulative.

shegirl

passatrider wrote: »

I have to agree with this one I'm afraid. When I read the bit where he yanked the handbrake up at 30 mph. It reminded me of a case recently where a woman did this to her OH and ended up killing him in the process.

You don't deserve this..

Oh for gods sake,what the hell is wrong with you lot.

SHE stopped him from leaving the house after 'moaning' (probably more than moaning).He threw things (angry,couldn't leave and was trying to get out) SHE slapped him.He managed to get out so she followed him.He pulled the handbrake when she picked him up.

Maybe she should've let the guy alone rather than have him trying to physically escape her.

This board is a joke at times.She wrote what she done to him and you think it's all him and that she doesn't deserve it/should run?Pathetic

BitterAndTwisted

They both sound bloody horrible so they probably deserve each other. At least while they're together they're not messing up any other people's lives.

shegirl

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

They both sound bloody horrible so they probably deserve each other. At least while they're together they're not messing up any other people's lives.

That is something!!!

I just find it ridiculous that people instantly lock in on what the guy has done and ignore the causes and what the woman done.Like the thread a few weeks back where the female poster threw her husband over her shoulder and hurt him because he insulted a TV programme -he put his fist up in defence(didn't hit though) and it was all 'omg what a horrible man,he's a violent abuser,I hope you're safe' fgs.

The mind boggles.It really does!

Dunroamin

originator wrote: »

Nobody's mentioned this yet but one bit that jumped out at me was the OP saying she didn't want to be on her own and no one else would want her.Men get well p*ssed off with clingy,needy women and tend to lash out when trapped.If she showed some independence he would undoubtably have more respect for her,although I think this relationships doomed,too many lines have been crossed.

Actually, she didn't say this, she's saying that's what he said to her.

"He then says a lot of horrible thing about me , ie I'm manipulative like above, I just don't want to be on my own and no one else would want me anyway."

Dunroamin

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

They both sound bloody horrible so they probably deserve each other. At least while they're together they're not messing up any other people's lives.

Apart from her two young children!

shegirl

Dunroamin wrote: »

Apart from her two young children!

I didn't realise the op had kids.That makes it all worse and should've been mentioned really,as it's pretty darn relevant when things like that go on in the household!