reassure me please

cottonhead

Its not acceptable for someone to smash up plates and chairs because they dont like what they were told. Its also not Ok for you to slap him or pevent him from leaving. Drinking so much alcohol is worrying as is the pulling the handbrake whilst driving ! . Do you remember there was a similar case where that happened to a couple during a drunken row ? He died and she was jailed.........
I feel for both of you but I would leave well alone before one of you gets seriously hurt / killed / gets a criminal record ! Try to do what you can to help with his depression as a friend, but only if its safe to do that. But in all honesty it doesnt sound safe or beneficial to continue involvement with each other. Depression can make people act way over the top sensitive and he may have just been feeling low and like you were picking on him but the reality is its not safe for either of you.

jetplane

DylanO wrote: »

Another thread where a violent domestic abuser is excused because she's female and her victim is made out to be the devil. This is beyond disgusting.

OP you should be ashamed of yourself, as should all the posters claiming you as the victim of this situation.

DylanO I'm concerned because I agree with your principle.

He came to her house and cooked her tea while she played on the wii.


A couple of hours later she decided to wash up and shouted cos he had mucked up some papers that she had left lying around.

He tried to leave she stopped him, he threw some chairs and broke some plates, she slapped him. He got out of the house she followed him cos he can't walk 4 miles he got in the car he pulled on the handbreak (possibly trying to get away from her) she got him back home.


Is his behaviour a reaction to her actions? I don't think I can reassure you that your behaviour was justified. it sounds like a toxic relationship to me.

jetplane

purple.sarah wrote: »

Also the boyfriend sounds paranoid thinking that asking him not to mess up some papers was trying "to manipulate him and make him look like a c**t".

Your only paranoid if it's not happening.

jellyhead

purple.sarah wrote: »

Also the boyfriend sounds paranoid thinking that asking him not to mess up some papers was trying "to manipulate him and make him look like a c**t".

She didn't ask him not to mess up the papers though. As far as he was concerned she told him he could put the pan down there, then after the turned her attention away from her computer game she claimed not to have had the conversation.

Perhaps, as somebody who has seen children and adults utterly glued to a screen, losing all brain function and denying all knowledge of conversations I've had with them while they were giving the screen their full attention, I see it a bit differently to how some of you might.

DylanO

cottonhead wrote: »

Its not acceptable for someone to smash up plates and chairs because they dont like what they were told. Its also not Ok for you to slap him or pevent him from leaving. Drinking so much alcohol is worrying as is the pulling the handbrake whilst driving ! . Do you remember there was a similar case where that happened to a couple during a drunken row ? He died and she was jailed.........
I feel for both of you but I would leave well alone before one of you gets seriously hurt / killed / gets a criminal record ! Try to do what you can to help with his depression as a friend, but only if its safe to do that. But in all honesty it doesnt sound safe or beneficial to continue involvement with each other. Depression can make people act way over the top sensitive and he may have just been feeling low and like you were picking on him but the reality is its not safe for either of you.

If somebody attempted to prevent me from leaving a volatile situation, I can assure you that smashed chairs and plates would be the very least of their worries. I'd use whatever force necessary to protect myself. The OP is lucky that her partner is not as violent as she is.

passatrider

the_cat wrote: »

I don't care what his problems are, his behaviour is totally unacceptable.

It sounds like you were damn lucky not to be hurt. Next time you are unlikely to be so lucky. His behaviour will escalate and next time it may well be YOU he is throwing round the flat in a temper

GET RID. DO IT TODAY AND GET THE LOCKS CHANGED

There is simply no other advice to give someone in the scenario you describe

I have to agree with this one I'm afraid. When I read the bit where he yanked the handbrake up at 30 mph. It reminded me of a case recently where a woman did this to her OH and ended up killing him in the process.

You don't deserve this..

Tiddlywinks

passatrider wrote: »

I have to agree with this one I'm afraid. When I read the bit where he yanked the handbrake up at 30 mph. It reminded me of a case recently where a woman did this to her OH and ended up killing him in the process.

You don't deserve this..

Did her guy deserve the slap?

My advice to HIM is to get out as he also doesn't deserve the violence!

As to the handbrake incident - that was dangerous but he was, by then, probably pretty upset with what had gone on before.

GobbledyGook

Tbh you sound like a couple who would both be better off away from each other. Sounds like neither of you can control your tempers in rows and end up with you getting violent and him endangering both of you. Not healthy for either - or for those around you.

the_cat

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Did her guy deserve the slap?

My advice to HIM is to get out as he also doesn't deserve the violence!
.

Quite agree. Did post a comment saying very similar earlier on

Sadly we seem to have scared the OP off. Seems like we did not say what she wanted to hear

I just hope that we will not be treated to an escalated thread further down the line - for both their sakes

originator

Nobody's mentioned this yet but one bit that jumped out at me was the OP saying she didn't want to be on her own and no one else would want her.Men get well p*ssed off with clingy,needy women and tend to lash out when trapped.If she showed some independence he would undoubtably have more respect for her,although I think this relationships doomed,too many lines have been crossed.