reassure me please

Lilly11a

Massive arguement with bf last night. he came over and cooked , while i was playing the wii.

A couple of hours later I went to wash up and he had put the dirty grill pan on top of a pile of my paperwork, which I did moan ( not shout) about .


He says that he asked me and I said it was fine to put it there but I honestly don't remember this. And that I am doing this to manipulate him and make him look like a c**t ( his words not mine)


This was then quickly esculated to him throwing my dinning chairs and smashing my plates because i wouldn't let him just walk out.( I did then slap him unfortunatly but I wanted him to stop smashing my plates).


He has then stormed out , i 've eventually picked him up in my car ( we are about 4 miles from nearest train station so not walkable), I 'm driving him to the station and he pulls the handbreak up to stop the car at 30 mph!


He then says a lot of horrible thing about me , ie I'm manipulative like above, I just don't want to be on my own and no one else would want me anyway.


I eventually got him back home after which he had drank half a litre of brandy and fell asleep. I left for work this morning so not sure if he is still at mine or has left as is not answering his phone.


It should be noted he is signed off at the moment with long term depression.


Basically, can you guys reassure me that I am not this horrible person and its the depression talking. He can't see his kids and not talking to his parents at the moment and this cuts him up.


Sorry don't know why I have posted this- just feeling very emotionally drained at the moment. don't know what else I can do

Acc72

From the limited information given, it sounds as though you would both be better off apart.

However, there are plenty of people out there in similar relationships who constantly go from such drama's to making up, on to the next drama, then making up before the next drama etc. etc.

thorsoak

He wants to go? Let him! You may feel emotionally drained at the moment, but it doesn't sound as if you are in a very healthy relationship, to be honest.

the_cat

I don't care what his problems are, his behaviour is totally unacceptable.

It sounds like you were damn lucky not to be hurt. Next time you are unlikely to be so lucky. His behaviour will escalate and next time it may well be YOU he is throwing round the flat in a temper

GET RID. DO IT TODAY AND GET THE LOCKS CHANGED

There is simply no other advice to give someone in the scenario you describe

spartacusthe1st

Jeez it sounds like he is very frustrated at the mo what with not seeing his kids and not talking to his parents and he is taking it all out on you!
I don't have any advice really but didn't want to read and run,I hope you are ok (((hugs)))

GlynD

In his current state he must be kept away from you. Ask him to leave until he is better or at least get assurances this will not happen again. If it does, put him out!

SunnyCyprus

maybe best to separate for a while.. he shouldnt have kicked off, and you shouldnt have slapped him.

if it were a girl posting about throwing chairs and plates etc, then the boyfriend slapped her, the Forum would be telling you to get rid, asap.

do each other a favour, and have 4/5 weeks apart xx

londonsurrey

He sounds like he's in 3 year old temper tantrum mode, but dangerous as he's a fully grown man and doing deliberately dangerous things like the pulling the handbrake.

I'd vote for taking a serious look as to whether you want to allow him access to your flat, your car (for lifts). He's attention seeking, and really letting himself go with you.

This is not healthy. Even if he eventually "gets well", he will have crossed these fundamental boundaries with you, which means that he will find it easier to cross them again.

For your own immediate good, and for the chance of a healthy relationship with him in the future, establish those boundaries, FIRMLY. This includes picking up the phone to call the police, telling him he has three seconds to stop, get out of your flat now, carrying his shoes(he can put them on outside) and meaning it.

fluffnutter

Get another boyfriend. This one's broken.

londonsurrey

4 miles is not a long way to walk if you're not handicapped and have no time constraints, and it does sound as though walking it off was the best thing for him.

And it's a better option than him being driven to a place where he could numb his emotions with tons of alcohol.

scooby088

Same old advice here get rid when we only see one side of the story, I am sure the OP is less from being an angel and probably gave as good as she got in the argument.

Can't say you are a bad person or a failure in any kind of way as I don't know you.