Lost my mojo

Gingham_R

It let me see it that time!?! Thanks for the link.

I really recommend going down this route. It sounds like you both want things to change.

sexlesswonder

Hi all. Well, things have gone from bad to worse. I think we're on the verge of splitting up.

I saw another GP, who basically agreed with the first. The Trust don't generally want to intervene until a family is completed as as there is a small chance I may want another child that's enough for them to say no. Plus there's a strong chance a new scar would be worse than the first.

We're further apart than ever. Our only interaction these days is to argue. He shouts at me a lot, and has resorted to calling me some horrible things. He threatens to leave me regularly, and I don't have it in me to want to stop him.

I blame him for causing this to happen to me. I can't get past the insults and inertia to change to want to be in the same room, never mind the same bed. There has been no sexual contact of any form since I last posted.

I don't know what to do.

sexlesswonder

Oh well. Thanks anyway.

claire16c

Could you see a private doctor/plastic surgeon? did you try Relate?

BitterAndTwisted

How many honest conversations have you had with your husband about this awful situation since you started this thread? Did you ever manage to impress upon him how painful full intercourse was for you?

I may be totally unrealistic but I would have thought understanding that causing you pain would not be what a loving husband would want to willingly inflict upon his loved and cherished wife.

esmf73

SW, I know you waited an hour, but people will come along. All I can suggest is next time, try telling him how much it does hurt. Give him a graphic example. Think you sound a little down. Try telling your OH you need to feel special and take time to go to a beautician / hairdressers. You also sound a bit post natally depressed. Speak to your doctor, and go and see a female one, even if you have to change practices to do it. This level of scarring isn't right. Hugs xxx you might come round. You sound like a tired, stressed out mum and you won't feel sexy until these things are addressed first.

So can you sleep more - even if at odd times of the day? I do!! Can you have a pamper night once a week where you lock yourself in the bathroom? I don't do this often, but I should as it always de-stresses me. Get checked out by a doctor and make sure you are taking a multi vitamin as that can sometimes help if you're feeling a bit ugh. To and make a fuss at the gp. I did when my first was 5 months old and I now have a low thyroid. Your body has changed massively, so get everything checked out.

Feel free to pm me.i am only just coming out of the other side and my youngest is almost 7, so I urge you to not delay. X

Miss_Havisham

I know your baby is a toddler now but could you be suffering from post-natal depression which is hindering your emotional wellbeing, making you stressed and creating physical tension "down there" ? Vaginismus is a real possibility but can be relaxed with the right method (dilators, GP's help).

Have you shown your hubby this thread ? Tbh this is something you both have to work on, perhaps you could sit down one night, read the various links on this thread and plan a course of action and timescales.

I do wish you luck, you sound so unhappy. xx

sexlesswonder

So 18 months on and things are no better really. We've attempted sex twice. The first time was agony, the second our toddler woke up before we could get very far. Have finally had my appointment with a consultant, who says that I wasn't cut "the normal way" and she can see that it's extremely tight and sore. I had missed a smear, so she attempted it at the same time. It was agony and she split part of the scar as she did it. . She's suggested we try some injections before surgery as surgery may not fix the problem.

In the meantime my husband and I have had a few ups, but also a lot of downs. He really seems to sap all of the joy from my life (apart from our child, of course). He's threatened to leave 3 or 4 times and has gone do far as throwing things into bags and into the car, before coming back.

I just can't imagine another 5/10+ years of this.

Pickle29

So sorry to hear that you are no better and your relationship is as it is!

I can't imagine what you are going through but wanted to say that you can't take another 5/10 years of this, if splitting up is the answer - sad as it is, it be the better option than the constant rowing and the awful atmosphere you are living in.

You need to talk to him and tell him you can't take any more. Continue with trying to get your scar fixed, but you are still very young. But if your husband can't wait or be there for you ... Maybe he ought to go and allow you to rebuild your life!

Take care, xxx

lostinrates

You poor thing.

It seems to me there are a lot of things here all snowballing into one big lump of insurmountable yucky ness for you.

I think you are doing well to tackle the physical issue separately. What kind of time scale has the consultant given you for the treatment and recovery? Did your husband come with you to the appointment? If not did you relay the information to him?


Before the scar and baby there was the loss of libido, I think you need to tackle that as a second issue, both physical and probably emotional now. (I think your consultant should also be told of this too). If you worked on things like diet and exercise for well being anyway, this would be helpful to you regardless of what the future holds, and might turn the corner.

Both you and your husband sound stressed and frustrated. I hope you can try and talk to each other about ways you can help each other through this.