It hurts when I breathe.....even after 9 months

moneypuddle

You're doing amazingly well marshmallow. Take some time to just be proud of what you have achieve so far. I am the same kind of person as you and know exactly what it takes to not act the way that comes naturally to you.

Stephb1986_2

High five girlfriend!! it's about time you got some balls about you now well done!!!

Steph xx

Gingham_R

Mashmallow wrote: »

This so isn't me..

It so is you. :T:T:T:j:j:j

Sambucus_Nigra

What are you hoping to sort out exactly?

determined_new_ms

Mashmellow there r likely to be many setbacks over the coming months, its ok learn from each setback, be forgivivg to urself- ok so I did xxx that wasn't ideal, I now realise after 4 days i'm vunerable nd might let my gaurd down. So from now o every 4th day I'm going to be extra kind nd caring to myself, spend some time with my mum or best friend, have a bath, go for a run, whatever makes u feel special, that is what having dignity means to me. You may be too raw to discuss these things face to face at the moment, thats why I suggested emailng.

U haven't failed u r just starting a journey that isn't what you wanted so it will take time.

Re access sadly we cannot control others only ourselves. If he wants his girlfriend to be with him, unless u have reason to believe she is a concern umay just have to accept this too

kj*daisy

I feel for you but TBH you can't dictate who he sees when he has the kids, you may not think its right but you are simply torturing yourself over this. You really need to talk to someone about how you feel because he has done what he's done and that isn't going to change and you need to live with it without it destroying you for ever, and I think you need help to achieve that. Take care.

Caroline_a

Marshmallow, like many many women before you, you are trying to force a relationship with your children and your ex. Yes, I know that it should happen, yes, I know its the best for the children, but you cannot force it. He has to initiate the contact, and then it has to be if it fits with your life and the children's lives.

If agreement cannot be reached then the court decides for you. Additionally, if he has made his life with this woman, there is little you can do to stop contact with her - you are unfortunately going to have to accept that your ex is now her partner. Yes it will hurt, but this is how things will be in the future, and it's not the way you want it to be.

I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you have now to let him go. I feel you are using the children's contact to contact him yourself. Please don't do that, it does them no good, or you.

jetplane

Sorry this is not the popular view but you really need to look at your own behaviour here ....

It's 9 month how long do you want him to keep things separate? You are trying to control him and you are trying to manipulate him.

He is not coming back and, if he did it, would it only be because you had harrased and manipulated him into submission?

Why do you think you have failed and resorted to texting and ringing him? Could it be becasue you didn't get the reaction that you wanted by ignoring him?

Don't play games, arrange access times and stick to them, accept that you can't control what he does and who they see. When he rings his children why don't you give them the phone and say your daddy would like to speak to you?

Your children are suffering here. Do you think that perhaps your children wanted to pick the phone up off the table but were too frightened of your reaction if they did?

Read seanymphs post again.

Sambucus_Nigra

I agree. 9 months of this? I know he left but it would drive me crackers so no wonder he is funny about contact.

We can't control other people's behaviour. If they don't want to be in a relationship - marriage or not - then it's very hard to keep them. So you have to come to terms with this or you will get ill.

Your kids will meet and have relationships with other people. Unless you keep them in a bubble, that's part of life. Keeping them from dealing with relationships no matter who is unhealthy. You have to let go...

moneypuddle

I see your point marshamallow. If OH and I split, I would feel horrendous about any of woman having any contact with my kids and acting in a 'mother/stepmother' role whilst spending time with their father, but that is just the way it has to be, unfortunately

And in the grand scheme of things a couple of people may have said you have to move on now, so dont be offended by what they have said. In my opinion they are right. You're always going to get views you like and don't like, but you've received so much support on this thread, it would be a terrible shame to all those who have supported to you to decided not to update because you didn't like the way something was worded.

Chin up