It hurts when I breathe.....even after 9 months

mumofjusttwo

I agree with fighting for your marriage but I believe that you can only do that if it is what you both believe. My marry was difficult over 3 years ago and when I said my vows I meant them. unfortunately my husband did not seem to think the same after 10 years of marriage and left. He did not love me anymore and if he had stayed then I do Believe it would have been detrimental to us and also to our children. Five years ago I would never have thought that. I would be a single parent family but I would much rather been I. He situation I am now than be a mother to my child where the saw lack of trust and love between the adults in the house as the norm.

themull1

My husband left me and our two kids in Jan 2011. I cried for a week, then i redecorated the whole of the upstairs!, took the kids to the library, to museums, generally kept really busy.

I bought my husband out of our house. I never once asked him to move back, even though sometimes i craved what i had been used to. I initially didnt like the change in my life, didnt like being alone. Keeping busy was the key. i couldnt even sit and watch a tv programme, i was constantly doing something in the house.

I got over him. I met a lovely man on plenty of fish dating website last July, and he has moved in with me.
:T
My husband has moved in with his girlfriend, everyone has moved on with their lives.

I look at my husband now when he comes to pick up the kids, and i think ' did i really know this person', he seems like a stranger now. I did feel really bad that the kids had a 'broken home' but to be quite honest, they like my new partner, and my husbands girlfriend, and are fine. Although the worst part was telling them daddys not coming home.

I also never slag off their dad, i have always told them he loves them, and that we just couldnt live together. To the OP, it will all work out in the end, keep it together, and dont get in touch with your ex, it makes getting over him much more difficult.xx

Caroline_a

Brilliant!!! Well done you :T:T:T

londonsurrey

Mashmallow wrote: »

Well.....I did it! He rang and for the first time in 9 months, I answered the phone cheerfully, he said hi and I said "it's your daddy boys and girls.....mummy is away for a shower, I'll leave the phone here for you", I put the phone down on the kitchen table (they were watching tv in the same room) and left the room.

I stood in the hall for a couple of minutes, and true to form, none of them picked up the phone. I left it for around 5 minutes....(didn't actually have a shower) then went back into the room and listened to the handset and he had hung up. I left the phone off the hook for another 5 mins, then replaced it but he never tried to call back......I hoped he wouldn't so I wouldn't have to do that again tonight!

I didn't mention anything to the kiddies.....just carried on as usual. Small achievement I know, but it's a start!

Well done! You were positive, AND you're not beating up yourself about it not going well for him. That's a massive step forward.

Person_one

Mashmallow wrote: »

Sometimes, I stand at the kitchen sink and think no much wonder he left....what kind of life did he have living with me??

Nope, stop that, stop it right now!

You've made a brilliant step in the right direction, don't you dare start going down this self-flagellating and doubting road and undo all the good you just did.

You did brilliantly, enjoy it, pat yourself on the back and make it the first of many.

londonsurrey

It might only be a small thing, but what makes is such a breakthrough is that you took control of the situation. I can empathise, as I've been there with different situations, and different bullying stalkers/family members.

Mara69

I know it must have been a shock and you're desperately sad, but you really need to move on. It's been nine months. I really think you need counselling, it sounds like you have some self esteem issues. You need to learn to be happy for you, not to please someone else.

mumofjusttwo

Well done.

I would suggest that you give the phone to the children then leave it up to them to make the choice as to whether to speak to him. that way you know that your children have heard you and the choice not to speak to their father is theirs.

my husband did not see our children for five months when his girlfriend was I'll but when he did call to speak to them I would always try to get my children to speak to them (although I would not have forced them to).

determined_new_ms

Hi mashmellow just read your thread through and it really spoke to me as like others I have been there too. My world fell apart 7 years ago when my ex ended it with me, out of the blue by phoning me to tell me he didn't love me after all. To say I was devastated is the understatement of the decade. The following day my best friend came round as I was in my dressing gown sobbing, I had run out of cigarettes at 10am and only forced myself to go to the shop at 5.55. I ook at my friend and said "I just don't know how I'm going to carry on with my life now" and I really didn't. I did all the weeping and wailing, calling him at all hours of the day and night begging him to give us one more chance. When I did begin to move on (and you will at some point when you're ready) I felt total humiliation about those calls.

So what I'm saying is try not to do that.

Re your thoughts about why the relationship ended, only you over time can look at that, although I would take it with a pinch of sat at the moment while you are so raw and as you say depressed. We are our harshest critics and often so hard on ourselves. There may be things about how you were in the relationship that going forward you would want to look at/learn from but there may have been justifiable reasons for you behaving that way.

Incidentally my ex told me when we split up he wasn't right for me for so many reasons. Now looking back I can see he was right and I went on to meet a wonderful man who is so much better for me so so many ways.

You will get through this, relish every victory no matter how small, congratulate yourself massively for coming this far, buy yourself some flowers, shower love on yourself and your babies and a greater time will come x

Seanymph

Well done you!

I too would actually hand the phone to one of them and then walk away - but that will come.

As for why he left? Well, there are men who would value your commitment to money saving, and gently manage to add spontenaity to both your lives.

It wasn't a you thing, or a him thing, it was a combination thing.

Be gentle with yourself, you are such a special person.

Smile today, it's lovely out there - you just have to remember how to dance It'll come.