It hurts when I breathe.....even after 9 months

Mashmallow

...........

balletshoes

how do you get your life back?

from an outsider's point of view - take it back, make the choice to not text, send emails etc unless it specifically to do with access arrangements which are out of the ordinary for your children and their Dad.

If you stop putting so much effort into the one-sided contact you're doing now, you'll have more time to think about building up the other aspects of your life (ie without your ex in it and without all the energy you're currently putting into trying to keep a non-existent relationship going).

I don't mean this to sound harsh, you do have my sympathy, but if you really want to do the best for yourself and your kids, you need to step back, stop contacting your ex, and find your own way in life.

shegirl

You need to find something to occupy your mind.

Have you had a good night out with friends since he left?

balletshoes

Mashmallow you're allowed to be sad, you're grieving for what you've lost, and thats natural.

Hopefully at some point you will realise its gone, and its not coming back. When that happens (and I hope for your sake it happens sooner rather than later) you'll start getting your life back, yours, as mum and Mashmallow, but not longer ex-Mashmallows wife.

nearlyrich

I recall having this conversation a few years ago with a close friend who's husband left her 5 months pregnant with a much wanted child 3 days before Christmas. She was totally heartbroken as you can imagine and longed for him to come back even though he left for someone else. I said to her that from my experience , which was similar, she would go from heartbroken to hurt to what did I ever see in that loser?

I had lunch with her last week, she said the words " I wonder what I ever saw in him"..

Hold your head high and build a new life for you and your children, only converse about the children, don't tell him anything about your life, separate any parts of your life that are still entwined, finances, house etc become independent.

It's not easy but he is not worthy of you and you have to move on, take care.

geri1965_2

You are grieving for the person you thought he was - a better person than he actually is, and one day you will come to realise this. As for Facebook, delete him - there is no reason to have him on there as a friend if it is going to upset you.

balletshoes

I think you know the answer to a lot of those questions really Mashmallow - no, he doesn't care, he's moved on. You are the ex, you are part of his past. You will always be part of his life, but only as the mother of his children. Not his partner, not someone he has consider in his future actions and future relationships.

Asking yourself why why over and over again won't help you, as your ex won't engage in any conversation with you over it. He's done.

nearlyrich

i got married to my first husband thinking we would be together for ever we had a child and he started to go out on his own, when I was 7 months pregnant with my DD I found out he was seeing someone else, she rang me to tell me. I even took him back after he left to be with her and it didn't work out , he got made redundant and she kicked him out. a year later he was seeing my ex best friend. I was in bits with 2 babies, no job no money and he though he had all the power, I got a job and he lost his power.

It's OK to be sad but you need to stop showing him your sadness and let him think you have moved on, get him to have the children overnight and be dressed up to the nines when he comes for them, don't tell him anything about where you are going etc

If it's meant to be it will be and if not you need to sort your own new life out keep posting we will be here to listen and support you xxx

meritaten

sweety - you are grieving hun. you have had a loss - but, the loss is compounded by the fact that he hasnt died - he is alive and well and doing very nicely thank you!
you cannot go through the stages of grief because he hasnt died! you have lost him but he is going about his life and tbh hun - he isnt deserving of your grief.
he is though deserving of you getting angry - and using that anger to pull together your life and your kids lives. you may think you are alone here - but believe me your kids are grieving as much as you are if not more. for thier sakes - you need to make them happy and if that means you cut this waste of space out of your thoughts - then do it. or do you mean to mope about after him for the rest of your life? I dont want to be harsh hun - I know what rejection feels like - but, you have kids and you have an obligation to them.

balletshoes

Its not the mentality of everyone - its not your mentality, and its not mine. But it clearly is your ex's mentality. You can't save a marriage on your own, and you ex doesn't want to save it.

balletshoes

what are you blaming yourself for? it was your ex's decision to leave and then start another relationship soon after, wasn't it?