Urgent help please...is he lying?

Maureen43

Hello All,

In need of a bit of support tonight.

Since my last post we have told the kids and got the divorce process going. Our house is also on the market. I have been coping pretty well (so I'm told!) although with ups and downs.

However dh is moving out later this week and the enormity of it all has hit me like a ten tonne truck. I feel absolutely terrible again. It is just so sad and I can't bear it. I also have to witness his suffering as he is also devastated. I know it is his fault but it is just too much to have to see his pain too.

Plus, I have to paste on the happy face with my kids who need me to be normal right now.

It is just all so hard.

coinxoperated

Hi Maureen,

Didn't want to read and run. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. But this is the last really hard step to take and then it's all about concentrating on you and your kids.

Don't feel sorry for the cheating scumbag. Don't show him your upset if you can.

My mum n dad split after 14 years (when I was 14) and my sister was 11. He cheated on my mum and I found all the messages on the PC. The worst part for me was knowing and not knowing what to do. The first time I found them I told him to stop or I would speak to my mum about it. I then found them again had had to tell her. She cried for a week after he left. She then picked herself up and was honestly a happier person after.

You will be ok. Deep breaths, late nights watching love films and sobbing, and of course, now you can fully enjoy an Adele album! X

Yorkie1

It's OK to feel like this Maureen, horrible though it is. You're grieving for a relationship that you had such hopes for a few months ago. And having to be strong for your children will be making you exhausted mentally.

Do you think a really decent cry would help? Could you get a babysitter for them one night, and go round to your good friend's for an evening?

If you do need to let off steam some more, there will always be people on here who will be there. Also, don't forget the Samaritans. They are not just there for people who are suicidal. You can contact them through email as well as phone.

the_pink_panther_2

I can only imagine what you're going through right now. I'm so sorry that this is happening.

Regarding the impact of the divorce on your children; I know every situation is different, what I can say is that my parents divorced when I was small, my experience is that my parents were happier separated and that counts for a lot. I'd much rather have happy separated parents than unhappy 'together' parents.

The DIY stuff, seriously, you will surprise yourself how well you'll be able to cope. I'm a single lady, DIY poses no problems, less of a challenge than catching big hairy spiders.

If you do get stuck with this sort of thing, you tube might be a good place to get tips, if not some other website.

If you need other practical advice then just ask. I'd like to help, I guess I don't entirely know how that's all.

go_cat

Remember none of this is your fault...be strong for your children but you also need time for you when you can let it all out.

Sending you hugs x

Eager_Elephant

Maureen43 wrote: »

Hello All,

In need of a bit of support tonight.

Since my last post we have told the kids and got the divorce process going. Our house is also on the market. I have been coping pretty well (so I'm told!) although with ups and downs.

However dh is moving out later this week and the enormity of it all has hit me like a ten tonne truck. I feel absolutely terrible again. It is just so sad and I can't bear it. I also have to witness his suffering as he is also devastated. I know it is his fault but it is just too much to have to see his pain too.

Plus, I have to paste on the happy face with my kids who need me to be normal right now.

It is just all so hard.

I'm not convinced your DH is suffering like you are - I have been here before with trust issues and finding profiles etc and my DH cried for ages and got all dramatic - I'm sure it was over the fact he had been found out and could no longer have his cake and eat it and not for the fact that he nearly lost me and the kids.

My DH blames his depression for him trying to create a new persona and to meet other people

You will be fine Maureen - although it does not feel like it now.

Not sure if you work but if you need help with benefits to claim etc give us a shout.

deb68_2

i didnt want to read an run
i am so sorry you are going through all this
all i can do os send ((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))

TAKE CARE
love deb
xx

themull1

Ive been through the same, and it does get easier, the chest burning does go away. my husband left january 2011, now when he comes to see the kids, he's like a stranger to me, i don't even think about him. Oh, and i met my current partner on Plenty of Fish too. They're not all married looking for affairs.!

HeadAboveWater

Just wanted to send you a *hug*

Welshwoofs

Maureen43 wrote: »

I have a feeling like burning in my chest, constantly now for a week. I shake constantly. Am I having a breakdown?

No, you're not. What you're experiencing is perfectly normal shock and grief. Extremes of feeling are natural for the human condition and it'll probably take you a long time to work through all your feelings and pass through those stages of denial, anger, sorrow and finally acceptance and moving on.

Look at it like having a rotten tooth pulled out - it's horrendous to do and it aches afterwards....but one day you wake up and wonder why you didn't have it out sooner.

You'll be fine - you've found out what you needed to know and now you can move on with your life.