Urgent help please...is he lying?

clearingout

Maureen43 wrote: »

Well, we have had a long chat, and lots more stuff has come out, so that is it now, marriage over.

We are now talking separation and divorce.

I have a feeling like burning in my chest, constantly now for a week. I shake constantly. Am I having a breakdown?

No, hun, it's a normal reaction to a crappy situation. Your life as you knew it has been blown out the water, everything you thought was good and OK and normal and honest and decent in your life probably isn't....you don't 'get over it' in an instant. In the early days of my separation I can remember literally screaming for seconds...minutes... at a time, just to let all the hurt out. I couldn't have stopped it even if I'd wanted to. Agree that wikivorce is a great place to be when this happens - do go and have a look on that site as soon as possible. More than anything you'll realise you're not alone and for me, that meant just about everything at the time.

Take comfort in the knowledge that there are plenty of us here who have been there, done that and have lived to smile and say 'what on earth was all that fuss about'. Just hang on in there.

BitterAndTwisted

Maureen43 wrote: »

I have a feeling like burning in my chest, constantly now for a week. I shake constantly. Am I having a breakdown?

Very doubtful. Your typing is much too coherent for a start. You've been suffering anxiety about your suspicions, you've had a terrible and unpleasant shock and are now having to deal with the prospect of an unknown future. Frankly, I'm surprised that those are your only symptoms. But it will all pass, I assure you.

FatVonD

Maureen43 wrote: »

I have a feeling like burning in my chest, constantly now for a week. I shake constantly. Am I having a breakdown?

Of sorts but it's stress-related, see your doctor and get signed off work for a week or two (if you are working?) to give you some time to get your head round what's happened, you've had a huge shock.

emtsuj

Maureen43 wrote: »

Well, we have had a long chat, and lots more stuff has come out, so that is it now, marriage over.

We are now talking separation and divorce.

I have a feeling like burning in my chest, constantly now for a week. I shake constantly. Am I having a breakdown?

I'm so sorry that this has happened, even when you suspect it's still heartbreaking to find out you were right.
I know it feels awful now but at least you know, at least you're not tearing yourself apart trying to find out what he's up to.
You can move on from this and be happy, it will take time and things may get better before they get worse but you can get through this.

C_Mababejive

Maureen..you did the right thing. This guy has jumped the rails,obviously has psychological issues for one reason or another and you need to press the EJECT button and move on. Once the mist has cleared,you will be glad you did.

Maureen43

Again, thanks for the replies. I will look at Wikivorce. I also confided in a real life friend who was lovely and supportive and let me blub all over her.

Funnily enough I am not at all angry, just sad and very, very scared of what the future holds for me and my kids.

I am scared of really silly things i.e. he has always done all the DIY and "fixing" stuff. I can't even use a drill and am not entirely sure I could change a ligh tbulb. AFAIK there aren't any workmen in yellow pages who you can call to change light bulbs...I know how pathetic that is and I know I should have been more independent. But what to do about very basic things like that? Also, dh is the techy one and I know nothing about how to sort out broadband or PC issues.

Likewise though, I have always managed the finances, and I doubt my dh knows how to run a bank account and a budget. I bet he doesn't even know who our mortgage is with.

Oh, and I'm terrified of telling the kids and my mum.

I would really like to stay on good terms with my dh and hope that's possible, even once solicitors are involved. After all, we share two children together.

I'm rambling I know...........

msb5262

Hi OP,

You are not rambling, just worrying about lots of different things which is quite natural!

Don't get too hung up on the "can't use a drill" thing, it's not going to be an issue. I could use a drill but haven't for at least 10 years, and have been on my own for the past 8 years. Luckily I decided that any drilling should be done by someone more experienced/competent/interested than me, and whenever small jobs need doing I either ask a friend to help out (and give them home-made cake in return or buy them a drink) or pay someone to do them. There are actually lots of people about who do odd jobs for a small payment and the best way to find them is by personal recommendation.

You are very lucky that you're the person who understands and manages all the money stuff. This will make life much easier and less stress-inducing for you.

Try not to get too anxious about telling people as they are people who love you and will share your sadness.

Best wishes and lots of luck

MsB

Maureen43

OMG it just gets worse. Lots more revelations last night about his sordid past going back at least eight years.

I think I need to get tested for STDs......

I have been awake all night with panic attack symptoms. I am just terrified of the future. I am in so much pain I think I will explode.

emtsuj

Maureen43 I'm so sorry that you're going through this, it's awful when the person you thought you knew turns out to be someone else.

Please try not to worry too much but do make an appointment to get checked out asap, for your own piece of mind.

NickyBat

Maureen, if you have found out more things and these things have put you at risk do get to your local STD clinic asap.

I imagine you are in shock at the moment which is why you are having the reactions that you are, it must be truly awful to find out the person who you thought you could trust has led a completely different, secretive life to what you thought.
My heart really does go out to you, but you will cope and you will come through the other side of all of this with your head held high..............which is more than your husband can do.