Urgent help please...is he lying?

Maureen43

I am an established user on here but have come on under another id as my dh comes on here regularly.

Dh and I have always had issues with trust. In the past he has used dating sites (and other stuff) which we have got through.

I have been suspicious of him for a while and last week I discovered he has been accessing Hotmail on his phone, despite us only having Yahoo accounts. He said he was thinking of setting up a new free email account as his Yahoo account is heavily spammed.

He has his laptop (which only he uses) set up not to record any history. Yesterday I changed the settings so it stores 1000 web addresses. This morning I can see he has accessed Facebook (he says he hates Facebook and certainly isn't registered on there under his real name) and, even worse, Plenty of Fish.

The Plenty of Fish addresses were something like:
POF.com / message sent
POF.com / inbox

That implies to me that he has been receiving and sending messages on this site. Is there any innocent explanation for this? I know the answer really but he can argue the hind legs of a donkey and I want to be absolutely sure.

If this can't be argued away then my marriage is definitely over - I simply can't trust him. Devastated.

Emmarillo

I don't want to be hurtful but I don't think there's any way he can explain this away, although he'll probably try. Nobody deserves to be lied to, and that's what your husband is doing to you - you're worth more than this.

londonsurrey

There could be innocent explanations for it. However, he has a history, and has shown you what steps he was going to take to reassure you.

For him to be sidestepping those illustrative "safeguards" is inconsiderate at the very least, and stand extremely low odds of being innocent actions.

Browntoa

if you want to be 100 %

http://download.cnet.com/Free-Keylogger/3000-2162_4-10419683.html


The program produced a text document logging the time, window, browser, user name, and keystrokes. We could generate a report of any day's activities simply by selecting the date in the scrolling calendar and clicking either Keystrokes & Clipboard or Visited Websites (links).

Read more: Free Keylogger - CNET Download.com http://download.cnet.com/Free-Keylogger/3000-2162_4-10419683.html#ixzz1ue9maSD5

bluebird

A relationship is built on Trust,if you havent got that then the relationship is heading for a downfall, don't put up with His lies you are worth more than that.

Have it out with him,if he continues to lie then pack his bags.

I wish you a happy outcome.

Maureen43

Browntoa wrote: »

if you want to be 100 %

The program produced a text document logging the time, window, browser, user name, and keystrokes. We could generate a report of any day's activities simply by selecting the date in the scrolling calendar and clicking either Keystrokes & Clipboard or Visited Websites (links).

Read more: Free Keylogger - CNET Download.com

Would he be able to see this on his laptop? He is quite technically savvy.

How long does it take to download and is it legit?

I really really don't want to snoop but I need answers and I don't think I am going to get them from him.

McKneff

But dont you see, you dont trust him even now before you have found out anything.

Even if he is innocent you will still spend the rest of your married life spying on him and not trusting him.

Is that what you really want. Or do you want to have a proper life of your own without all this anxiety all the time.

You said DH and I have always had trust issues, or is it just you who has the trust issues.

Teenie_D

I agree with Mcneff. If you already have trust issues, he is not helping with the fact that he has his laptop which only he uses (his idea?) and he has changed the history settings on it which actually suggests he doesn't trust you either? Even if there is nothing in it, it doesn't seem that he is trying to gain your trust, especially with his past history.

You either need to work at gaining each others trust or tbh the relationship can't survive. It must be awful for you not being able to trust him and wondering what he is up to.

Browntoa

Maureen43 wrote: »

Would he be able to see this on his laptop? He is quite technically savvy.

How long does it take to download and is it legit?

I really really don't want to snoop but I need answers and I don't think I am going to get them from him.

its legit and is invisible , do not down load to the laptop purely choose "run" from the options rather than "save". its a very small file so will not take more than a moment to download

direct link is here

http://dw.com.com/redir?edId=3&siteId=4&oId=3000-2162_4-10419683&ontId=2162_4&spi=efe7f712332193b44062ceb500971201&lop=link&!!!!!tdw_dltext&ltype=dl_dlnow&pid=12259680&mfgId=6272544&merId=6272544&pguid=T65KvQoOYI0AAEvWjS0AAAA2&t!!!!!dl_dldirect&destUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fdownload.cnet.com%2F3001-2162_4-10419683.html%3Fspi%3Defe7f712332193b44062ceb500971201%26dlm%3D0

as its a bit confusing

Li0nhead

Any relationship has to be based on trust.

Sounds like the trust has gone here.
He has broke the trust by accessing the sites but the OP has also broken it by accessing his laptop and phone unauthorised which itself is a breach of trust even if we all understand why you did it and no doubt would do it ourselves in the same position.
You could always simply ask 'so which websites do you tend to go on these days'? as part of as general conversation to see what he admits to.

Another idea would be to simply go on one of the sites, set up a dummy profile and simply search for men of his age in his area. If he pops up then theres a problem.

the_cat

Does it actually matter whether he is lying in this instance or not?

You know he has lied in the past. You clearly don't trust him now and even if you cannot prove he is up to something right at this moment, will that mean that going forward, you will no longer be suspicious and mistrusting?

Are you prepared to stay in a relationship where these dynamics are in play for the rest of your life?