Urgent help please...is he lying?

geckofabulous

Maureen43 wrote: »

I am incredibly touched by all your replies and support. It has made me feel quite tearful!

I AM scared of the changes to my circumstances that will happen if it all comes out into the open. My children will surely suffer so much? My ds is very sensitive - it will break my heart.....

I have decided that the only way to know for sure is to either do the keylogger (which I am unsure about because I am not very techy and I am scared dh will know I have used it) or hire a private detective to do a keylogger for me. I need to know for CERTAIN what is going on - I simply can't agonise over it any longer.

Please can those who have used the keylogger give me an idiot's guide on how to use it and remove it afterwards so no trace is left. An added complication is that dh has a password on his laptop which I do not know.

Might be worth running a key logger first on your own pc to get familiar with it

C_Mababejive

No..this is no good. You need to quietly assemble as much evidence as possible. If you confront him now,he will produce a plausible explanation and you will want to believe him so..err..you'll let it slide.

I'd prepare to dump. You cant live like this.

Darlyd

Set up your own POF account in a different name using a fake picture and search for him and then start chatting see where that gets you..

There is a way you can get onto his laptop without the password, just follow the instructions on forgotten password or I am sure going on in safe mode?

You need to find the truth and when you do, prepare for him to have explanations including to be very sorry etc but how an earth can you trust him again if your intuition is saying he is up to no good?

Your call.

Maureen43

Browntoa wrote: »

if you want to be 100 %

The program produced a text document logging the time, window, browser, user name, and keystrokes. We could generate a report of any day's activities simply by selecting the date in the scrolling calendar and clicking either Keystrokes & Clipboard or Visited Websites (links).

I only have the option to open or save - not run. What should I do? Do I need admin rights as well? I don't think I have these

YoungBaker

Maureen43 wrote: »

I only have the option to open or save - not run. What should I do? Do I need admin rights as well? I don't think I have these

If you dont want the install file actually saved on the harddrive, just to be installed you press open.

Personally I think you should have it out with him though.

Maureen43

I can't get the keylogger to work on my PC. AVG keeps saying it is a virus threat.

Ok - so to get a professional to do it I think. Where do I start?

In hell at the moment and just want some resolution.

C_Mababejive

Forget about keyloggers and all that malarky. YOU know whats going on.Thats all that matters. Formulate your plan and stick to it.

Horace

It is time to forget snooping and checking up on him - the trust has gone. Now it is time to start planning for the future, squirrelling money away in a separate bank account so that you have funds to live on when you are no longer attached.

It is horrible being with someone who is looking elsewhere but then it is equally horrible being the snoop. Think is it better to stay in a relationship where neither of you trust the other for the sake of the kids or do you decide to be the adult and leave again for the sake of the kids because it is no fun growing up in a household where there is no trust. Kids are quite reslilent and may actually be happier when he is no longer around although they should remain in contact with him.

Yes it is possible to be on your own and unmarried - think of it as a time to do the things you want to do. I am not saying that it isnt scary but it is a good thing to do as you start to become yourself again.

If you are constantly feeling fearful maybe it is time to visit your GP as you may actually be depressed and depression messes with your head and makes you paranoid. (I know, I have been there and got the t-shirt - thankfully I never had kids).

Maureen43

Horace wrote: »

It is time to forget snooping and checking up on him - the trust has gone. Now it is time to start planning for the future, squirrelling money away in a separate bank account so that you have funds to live on when you are no longer attached.

It is horrible being with someone who is looking elsewhere but then it is equally horrible being the snoop. Think is it better to stay in a relationship where neither of you trust the other for the sake of the kids or do you decide to be the adult and leave again for the sake of the kids because it is no fun growing up in a household where there is no trust. Kids are quite reslilent and may actually be happier when he is no longer around although they should remain in contact with him.

Yes it is possible to be on your own and unmarried - think of it as a time to do the things you want to do. I am not saying that it isnt scary but it is a good thing to do as you start to become yourself again.

If you are constantly feeling fearful maybe it is time to visit your GP as you may actually be depressed and depression messes with your head and makes you paranoid. (I know, I have been there and got the t-shirt - thankfully I never had kids).

I am so so scared of the future. Scared of lack of money but, more than anything, so scared about what this will do to my children and my mother. My mother has been through so much. And...do children ever get over their parent's divorce?

I haven't told a living soul what is going on at the moment and want to, desperately, but feel I should speak to dh before anyone else, and I am not ready to do that.

I know I sound pathetic but I am extremely grateful for all of your support on here.

Horace

Maureen - I have every sympathy with you. My parents had a terrible relationship and I remember mum kicking dad out once and he stayed away for a while until she relented and let him return home - it would have been so much better if they had divorced because the atmosphere at home was toxic.

I caught my husband at a motorbike rally supposedly having coffee in a girl's tent, it was just a pity that she didnt know how to light the tent properly so there it was in glorious silhouette what was going on and coffee didnt come into it:mad: I vowed then to make my plan to leave and kept a separate bank account, I then became seriously ill and was forced to stay at home whilst I got better - I had tried to leave then but couldnt. Things didnt get any better and the mind games started so after being made reundant and being extremely depressed I upped and left and got myself a flat. We are now in the process of getting a divorce - I waited until I felt well enough and strong enough (considering I left in 2007). Our divorce is amicable thank goodness.

Yes, there are days when it is incredibly scary - e.g. how am I going to make ends meet but I usually do. I eventually admitted to my parents that I was in a pickle which was a huge deal for me because I was hugely independent and they paid off my one major credit card debt, gave me money for food and petrol, give me regular food parcels and are now in the process of buying a small house for me to live in rent free - I will still have bills to pay but I will at least be happy and feel safe.

I think that if you put your mind to it and started planning then you can take the right steps to ensure that you are happy and your kids are happy. It is no fun growing up in a household where parents constantly shout at each other. As for my parents they never got divorced and now my mum is my dad's carer and niether of them are happy as both of them are ill. Sometimes I wish they had gotten a divorce because they would have been so much happier and maybe I wouldnt have made the mistake of getting married because I wanted to leave home.

Draw up a statement of affairs for yourself and keep it somewhere - this will give you an idea of what you have coming in by way of money (don't include his wage in it) and what you have going out - this will give you an idea of what you can live on. Divorce's don't cost much either and if you are on income-based JSA then you don't need to pay and you can get the divorce yourself without having to involve solicitors.

Good luck - I am sure you will be fine.