Savings Accounts and Children (Step Family)

tea_lover

moneybags13 wrote: »

Who said that the two children even had to know what the other received?

It's quite a gamble to take to assume that they won't.

gonzo127

moneybags13 wrote: »

Do you not think this comment is slightly unfair??!!

If it weren't for me, my step daughter would have no savings as her dad would not go and set up a savings account, her mum certainly won't, and alone, neither of them could afford to save anything anyway. I was the one saying to my husband that we should save for his daughter as well as our own, and it was only when we spoke about the % cut that we then had this issue.

It has nothing to do with how much I value one child compared to the other...but you cannot get away from the fact that one child is my own and one is not. One child lives with us, and one child doesn't.

Who said that the two children even had to know what the other received?

it might be unfair but it is exacly how the children will see it,

and do you honestly believe the children will NEVER speak to each other about their savings? kids love to brag, and even more love to get one up on siblings

really the simple truth is your child will get more EVERYDAY from you due to the fact they live with you, they will get more stuff, more days out, more time with both their parents, and probably a better overall lifestyle as living on benifits does not give the bets lifestyle.

so how much difference will it make to you to put the same amount of money into a savings account for your step child as you do for your own child?

moneybags13

jungle_jane wrote: »

I would expect that your husband has his own life insurance that provides for both of his daughters equally and for you.

Yes he does, but then if we both died, and the policies were paid out together, our child would have a payment from mine and her dads, and my step daughter would have a payment from her dad.

This is my point with regards to the savings account.

moneybags13

gonzo127 wrote: »

it might be unfair but it is exacly how the children will see it,

and do you honestly believe the children will NEVER speak to each other about their savings? kids love to brag, and even more love to get one up on siblings

really the simple truth is your child will get more EVERYDAY from you due to the fact they live with you, they will get more stuff, more days out, more time with both their parents, and probably a better overall lifestyle as living on benifits does not give the bets lifestyle.

so how much difference will it make to you to put the same amount of money into a savings account for your step child as you do for your own child?

I see your point. I suppose the real issue is how the money will ulimately be spent. I have control over my daughters life and how she will grow up, and not so much over my step daughters life.

My worry is that we will save for the girls equally and when we hand over the accounts, my step daughter will not spend her money wisely. As a step parent, I can only have a say when it suits her parents.

With my daughter however, I will have control as the account will be in my name and she will have the money when I know she is responsible enough to spend it wisely.

fluffnutter

moneybags13 wrote: »

If it weren't for me, my step daughter would have no savings as her dad would not go and set up a savings account, her mum certainly won't, and alone, neither of them could afford to save anything anyway.

I think this is important to you. You also mentioned in your first post that you earn twice the amount your husband does. Your first post has an interesting oxymoron: you're keen to tell us you share everything but immediately say "This has always worked well for us as I have always earnt at least double the amount that my husband has, so it saves any uncomfortable discussions on who can afford to pay what.". Why does earning twice what your husband earns means it 'saves any uncomfortable discussions'? I would have thought it would potentially create them. Surely it's easier if you both earn the same? Do you feel resentful that 'your' money is being used to pay for a child whose own mother can't be arsed to save?

On the face of it, this is something that people may sympathise with but, at the end of the day, you're married to someone and any talk of 'his' money and 'your' money is irrelevant now. Moreover, your husband has another child and by dictating which of his children gets what you're asking him to make unpleasant choices.

Ask yourself this: would this bother you so much if your husband was the big earner and you depended on him? I doubt you'd be so worried about things if this were the case. Be careful that you don't start believing you hold the power simply because you hold the money.

FBaby

I have noticed meant times on this forum that there its an overall attitude that strip parents should treat their strip children as their own financially and emotionally. I think our its a very simplistic approach when in reality circumstances are not so straight forward. As a whole I don't agree with out kids are the responsibility of their own parents and out its not because one moves in with one parent that they should take on the same role. Sometimes it comes naturally especially in the case of the step dad when the kids are still very young and the father its not so much in the picture but that its a complete different scenario than that of the OP. I do feel sometimes parents have very high expectations of their partner treating their children as if they were their own. I certainly don't have that expectation of my partner neither does my ex of his new partner and it its working very well for all of us.

FatVonD

OP, normally I would agree with this...

Wine_of_the_World wrote: »

I wouldn’t worry whether her mother choses to save for her daughter or not – she will have a different life to your daughter – her mother is around all day, to benefit her that way, whether as you chose to work and benefit your daughter in a different way IYSWIM.

but in this instance I also agree with this...

gonzo127 wrote: »

really the simple truth is your child will get more EVERYDAY from you due to the fact they live with you, they will get more stuff, more days out, more time with both their parents, and probably a better overall lifestyle as living on benifits does not give the bets lifestyle.

If you're really looking for a way round it you could save the child benefit you receive for your own daughter into an account for her.

gonzo127

moneybags13 wrote: »

I see your point. I suppose the real issue is how the money will ulimately be spent. I have control over my daughters life and how she will grow up, and not so much over my step daughters life.

My worry is that we will save for the girls equally and when we hand over the accounts, my step daughter will not spend her money wisely. As a step parent, I can only have a say when it suits her parents.

With my daughter however, I will have control as the account will be in my name and she will have the money when I know she is responsible enough to spend it wisely.

so maybe have this as your compromise?

same amount of savings so long as you get a say in how/when the savings account is given/spent
ie house/flat deposit, car/driving lessons, uni fund?

jungle_jane

moneybags13 wrote: »

Yes he does, but then if we both died, and the policies were paid out together, our child would have a payment from mine and her dads, and my step daughter would have a payment from her dad.

This is my point with regards to the savings account.

I think that's understandable though - as long as his other child was adequately looked after. If your SD's mum died and she had an insurance policy I wouldn't expect her to leave anything to your DD...

What you could do is leave a few things in your Will that would mean something to SD, but I don't think that you are expected to provide for your stepdaughter in the event of your death - that's the dad's job.

shoe*diva79

Persoanlly i would open a savings acc for your daughter and start saving and let your husband sort out your step daughters acc...