Savings Accounts and Children (Step Family)

kj*daisy

Your husband is right - how could he ever explain to his daughter that she only got half what his other child did. You would be storing up a whole lot of trouble with that one. I assume you will stop saving when they hit 18 so you are likely to be paying into your joint daughters account for longer anyway.

You have to remember that your husband will love both these children the same as they are both his.

moneybags13

fluffnutter wrote: »

Take an average household of three kids, two are 'hers' from a previous marriage, the youngest is 'theirs' from the current marriage. Daddy decides to buy some christmas presents or take the kids to the zoo. What does he do? Spend twice as much on his 'real' child? When he's handing out some cash at the zoo so that they can all buy something in the gift shop, does he give the older two a fiver and the youngest a tenner?

You can't go through life like that! You have kids in your life, you look after them.

It is mad to think that anyone would do that! The girls are treated to the same when they are together, and neither one would ever be made to feel that they are the 'real' child!!

We aren't talking about some pocket money at the zoo, and I don't have an endless supply of money to save. If my husband and I can afford £40 per month to save, then I want as much of that to go to my daughter as possible. She is the one that lives with us, that we are completely financially responsible for. My step daughter has a seperate family to help provide for her. If she lived with us then it would be different.

For example, I have a life insurance policy which would be payable to my husband and my daughter in the event of my death. Should I then change this to state that my step daughter should be entitled to the same as my daughter? I see the savings in the same way.

gonzo127

i can see both sides, although i feel the father is right and shouldnt be made to choose between his children (i am a step parent as well and do understand that my step children do get more because of their dad buying for them but not 'mine', but thats just part of life)

personally i think a good compromise would be the arbetary age limit when the saving stop as presumably your step child is older than your own, and therefore would mean your own would get more years input into her savings

the other option would be to split your finances into a 'yours and his' set up and base the bills etc on a % of household income,

so for example you get double his wage so you would contribute 2/3 of the bills and he puts in 1/3 of the bills, then for the savings he could put the same amount into each childs account and then you can top your your childs account with any extra - this will show the children that their dad values each the same, and that you value your child more than your step child

barbarawright

Do you want opinions or agreement? I'm with most people on this thread - you should treat both children equally. Anything else is telling your stepdaughter she's not as important as *your* child.

jungle_jane

I assumed that most step parents paid for things for their step children and savings is just another expense. And if money is 'ours' in the relationship then all expenses are paid out of the collective pot then that's where the savings should come from.

The children should be given the same regardless of who their mother is - your OH is their father and he should treat both of his children equally. Imagine how awful that poor little girl would feel awful if she ever found out that you begrudged equal savings for them both?

Even worse, imagine if you and OH got divorced and he went on to marry and have another child - you would want your child to be equal in his new household, right?

I speak from experience as the major breadwinner in a house with 3 teen stephchildren. Most of our collective disposable income is spent on them and I wouldn't dream of cutting back because I am not their mum. To me, it's just not how a family with collective money behaves. If that's how you feel you may be better off separating your money as this issue is only going to get worse in time as they both get older and more expensive to raise!

Thing is, kids get more and more expensive as they get older - especially when they hit their teens and start wanting trips away, gadgets, clothes etc. You and OH really do need to sit down and talk about how that will be approached and whether you are going to differentiate further down the line.

Acc72

barbarawright wrote: »

Do you want opinions or agreement?

I agree.

In post 1, the OP asked for help. However, after receiving a number of replies (the majority suggesting that all children should be treated equally) in post 13 they appear to be trying to justify their original opinion.

I guess that the OP did not expect the replies they received.

My only advice would be to talk this out with your husband and come to an agreement, whatever that may be - ie what is right for you/husband/children, and not what is right for a bunch of randoms on the internet.

Otherwise, this issue may cause long term problems with your relationship with your husband and/or with your step daughter.

Bluemeanie_2

It depends how you view your money as a couple though. I have always kept complete financial independence from my Husband and always will. Works for us.

moneybags13

gonzo127 wrote: »

this will show the children that their dad values each the same, and that you value your child more than your step child

Do you not think this comment is slightly unfair??!!

If it weren't for me, my step daughter would have no savings as her dad would not go and set up a savings account, her mum certainly won't, and alone, neither of them could afford to save anything anyway. I was the one saying to my husband that we should save for his daughter as well as our own, and it was only when we spoke about the % cut that we then had this issue.

It has nothing to do with how much I value one child compared to the other...but you cannot get away from the fact that one child is my own and one is not. One child lives with us, and one child doesn't.

Who said that the two children even had to know what the other received?

jungle_jane

moneybags13 wrote: »

For example, I have a life insurance policy which would be payable to my husband and my daughter in the event of my death. Should I then change this to state that my step daughter should be entitled to the same as my daughter? I see the savings in the same way.

I would expect that your husband has his own life insurance that provides for both of his daughters equally and for you.

moneybags13

Acc72 wrote: »

I guess that the OP did not expect the replies they received.

QUOTE]

You are right! I am really suprised by the replies!

I expected people to say that if my step daughter lived with us then it should be equal.

I do value all opinions, even if I don't agree, as I want to try to be fair and at least get an outside perspective on this situation.