Savings Accounts and Children (Step Family)

Newly_retired

I sympathise with the OP. Step parenting is hard - and harder still when they get to be teenagers. There are lots of issues you won't even have thought about yet and cannot possibly come up with a fool- proof method of dealing with at this stage.

The two children will get different amounts by the time they get the money as there are fewer years to save for the older one, if you save the same amount for each one. Not a problem surely?
I think that each parent should put the Child Benefit aside for the children. If that means one gets more than the other, so be it.
Their father should not treat them differently as they are both his kids.
Only one ( so far) is yours and you have no obligation to save for her. She does not inherit from you unless you write her into your will. You cannot take decisions on her behalf. Legally you have no role.

In practice of course when she is with you, you will treat them similarly. It won't always be the same though. When one is 10 the other will be 5, with different needs. When one is 15 the other will be 10....and so on.
Who knows how much your circumstances will change in the coming years ?- ill health, redundancy, inheritance... can make a huge difference to family finances.
There are no quick and easy answers to your current dilemma.
Personally I think you have made it difficult by pooling your money as it leaves you no room for manoeuvre. Could you not agree to pool for household expenses but each have a private amount to do as you like with? Then it is up to you how you spend or save it.

CallaLily

I have 2 children with my husband and 2 from my previous marriage and if my husband suggested saving money for them all but only giving his step son's half of what he gives our son's then I would be very shocked and upset with him.
My husband is a subsititue father for my 2 eldest as their father does not want contact so slightly different circumstances to yours, but I would still see it as a slight on my older children if he suggested doing what you are.

moneybags13

Thank you everyone for your comments, and I hope that no-one has been offended by this thread. I was merely hoping for some outside perspective / debate on this situation to get my head around what is fair.

I have thought some more about it and wondered whether this scenerio would be fair -

Girls are given exactly the same account and the same amount is saved for them by me and my OH each month. In addition to this, I will open an account for my daughter and save her child benefit money. If me and my OH have more children together then they will also have an account open to match the girls and the child benefit will also be divided between my children equally.

Bear in mind that me and my OH also have 'family' savings which are used for holidays, extras etc and if we can, we will always provide for both girls equally.

Do you think this is a fair compromise, or still unfair to my step daughter?

19lottie82

moneybags13 wrote: »

Thank you everyone for your comments, and I hope that no-one has been offended by this thread. I was merely hoping for some outside perspective / debate on this situation to get my head around what is fair.

I have thought some more about it and wondered whether this scenerio would be fair -

Girls are given exactly the same account and the same amount is saved for them by me and my OH each month. In addition to this, I will open an account for my daughter and save her child benefit money. If me and my OH have more children together then they will also have an account open to match the girls and the child benefit will also be divided between my children equally.

Bear in mind that me and my OH also have 'family' savings which are used for holidays, extras etc and if we can, we will always provide for both girls equally.

Do you think this is a fair compromise, or still unfair to my step daughter?

I'd say this is fair OP. The CB is for your daughter, not your DSS. Her Mother receives CB for her, and what she does with it is her business.

Acc72

moneybags13 wrote: »

Do you think this is a fair compromise, or still unfair to my step daughter?

As long as you and you husband both agree, then whatever you decide is the right answer for you (it doesn't matter what a bunch of randoms on the internet think).

I know that you came on here for some advice / opinions (and you have certainly received that), but at the end of the day nobody else knows the specific dynamics of your situation, or indeed the personalities of those involved.

kj*daisy

I posted earlier but having read your later posts I can see more why you feel the way you do, I think your latest proposal sounds very fair tbh. I would also think about saving in your own name with a view that that money will be for things your daughter or step. Daughter might need in the future, eg, university costs help, then you can control that money. It would've easier if you had more untangled finances like sulkisu said as then your surplus would be yours to do as you please with. I think you sound like a great step mum always making sure that the maintenance was paid even when your DH is out of work.

Newly_retired

Your compromise sounds good to me, too.