Savings Accounts and Children (Step Family)

dizziblonde

19lottie82 wrote: »

Why did your Mother send that email to you? I guess it was becasue she was angry at him but surely she must have known how much it would hurt you?

But to be honest my parents are divorced and my Mum hates my Dads guts, so it wouldn't suprise me, if put in a similar situation, she might do the same.

I've been out for the afternoon so didn't get to reply to this (dog had a great escape recently, came back the worse for wear and had to go get dressings changed at the vets... let's not mention how worse for wear our wallet is after her antics...)... the email landing to me was partially my mother's tendency to overshare/offload stuff I really don't need to be stressing about onto me - and partially wanting a second opinion because the other half of the email was lots and lots of twaddle about him having terminal cancer, quotes from Freddie Mercury and assorted other pap... she wanted a second opinion about whether he was bull-you-know-whatting or not... turned out that both our opinions that he WAS - were bang-on in that regard.

Point I was making was - I'd rather the pair of 'em had sorted it out at the time - even if it WAS unequal to my detriment - than have it simmer away for years and then reappear down the line, as things tend to do.

(It was a wonderfully flannelly, pretentious, over-inflated sense of self-awesome email and actually pretty amusing in the rest of its content btw - sometimes dealing with my family you have to have a sense of humour regarding human nature)

starsteel

moneybags13 wrote: »

You may think I am controlling, but I struggled financially when I was a young adult, and got into lots of debt.

I am nearly 30, and still have a student loan, and have not bought a house. I paid for nearly all of my wedding, and have never been given any help for any of lives big expenses. That is fine and I do not feel resentful about this, but I have worked very hard to have a good job and want my daughter to benefit from this and be able to help her with buying a house / travelling etc, whatever is important to her. I do not want to save thousands of pounds to see it wasted on partying, drugs etc.

Simply save the money in both children's names to take advantage of the higher interest rates and transfer the savings into your name/your husband's name just before they turn 16. You'll have control of it then.

It depends what you want to achieve. My parents saved some money for us in a shares portfolio (in their names) and handed it over to us when we were 21. It was up to us when we wanted to cash it in and what we spent it on. It was only two or three thousand and it was mostly spent on holidays, uni books and laptops, with some kept back for general savings.

Otherwise they've paid for our school fees, some of our driving lessons, and contributed to uni costs, my wedding and our first cars. I know that some of that comes from savings, some of that has come from recent inheritances, some from family contribution and most has come from their own hard work and sacrifices - money was very tight when I was growing up.

I know that I'm very lucky, but I also know that it's my parents' money and that how they choose to spend it is up to them. They may have saved money with us in mind, but I've never expected to be handed a large lump sum to do what I please with. I think you're over complicating things in that respect.

My grandmother died last summer: she chose to stipulate that her grandchildren had to be 25 before they can inherit, which is fair enough really!

moneybags13

jungle_jane wrote: »

Some of your frustrations are also felt because you contribute financially to SD but are not able to discipline / set boundaries / parent. Is this because your OH has specifically asked you not to?

My husband does not want to discipline his daughter whilst she is at our house unless he really has to, as he says that we don't have her often enough and wants her time with us to be as nice as possible... I think very differently about this and think that all children need boundaries and rules at all times and spoiling them will only lend to naughty behaviour. It also has caused the problem of his daughter being naughty at home and saying that she wants to live with us to her mum...she is only 5!

As a side note, her mother has never worked, even before having children. She has always lived off of benefits, for no reason other than she wont get a job. My husband didnt abandon her for another woman and leave her high and dry with no money. Their child was not planned and as soon as the mum got given a council flat, my OH was out the door.

I am not siding with my OH, he was responsible for his actions as much as the ex was, all I am saying is that, why should me and my daughter have to make sacrifices because of my SD decisions?

I would never ask my husband to choose between his children and will always encourage him to support them in any way, especially financially. I have enough made sure that the child maintainence is paid to his ex when my husband has been out of work.

However, when we are both contributing to a joint pot, I see that money as 50% his and 50% mine, regardless of who put what in. So when it comes to savings, our savings are paid out of this pot and again we both have a 50% share if we seperated. So why should it be different when it comes to children? He has two children and will give them equal amounts, I have one children and will match my husbands contribution into her savings.

My father has opened a savings account for my daughter...should he then be expected to open one for my step daughter too?

My step daughter also has another sibling from her mother, what about her? Should we then ensure that she receives the same as her sister?

My husband and I have a completely different set up to my step daughters home life and I can only imagine how difficult that is going to become over the next few years! Her mum is very quick to ask us to provide items for her because she cant afford to, which we do and are happy to help...but where is the limit? Why shouldn't she be forced to get a job and pay for half her share of her childs upbringing, rather than floating through life on the bare minimum and never being in a position to offer her daughter anything extra?

I would love to be a stay at home mum and spend all day every day with my baby girl, but we simply can't afford for me to do that. And I am not prepared to let the British public tax payers pay for me to do that either.

I am not trying to be cruel or unfair to my step daughter, and want her to have a good life. I also don't want her to feel unloved or second best, as it is certainly not her fault what decisions both of her parents made whilst creating her little life. But at the end of the day, my priority is, and always will be, with my own child.

fluffnutter

KatharineMMA wrote: »

Simply save the money in both children's names to take advantage of the higher interest rates and transfer the savings into your name/your husband's name just before they turn 16.

I'm not sure you can do this. I assume by 'higher interest rates' you're talking about tax free savings accounts for children, i.e. a child trust fund or ISA. If so, you can't simply 'transfer the savings into your name' at some point in the future because that will just be a massive tax dodge!

sulkisu

The problem is that you completely pool your money. When I read your post initially I agreed with your husband, but I see your point as I am in the same situation - except for the fact that we keep some of our money separate.
Like you, I earn twice as much as OH. He has two children from a previous relationship, we have one son together and twins on the way. We split the household bills proportionate to our incomes and other financial obligations. I pay more of the bills because I earn more and because he has to pay child support for his other children. Whatever we have left is our money, although in practice we often both spend it and neither of us goes without. When our son was born, OH opened three savings accounts - one for each of his children. He pays £50 per month into each account. I pay another £100 into my sons account and when the twins are born, I will do the same for them. Of course this means that our (my) children are getting more, but not from OH. He is giving each child exactly the same. Likewise, if his ex decided to put money into their childrens accounts, it might mean that they end up with more.

However, when you combine every penny of your incomes, this just isn't possible. Your options are to either untangle your finances a little, or go along with your husband.

sulkisu

fluffnutter wrote: »

I'm not sure you can do this. I assume by 'higher interest rates' you're talking about tax free savings accounts for children, i.e. a child trust fund or ISA. If so, you can't simply 'transfer the savings into your name' at some point in the future because that will just be a massive tax dodge!

You can do this - it's perfectly legal and even MSE recommend/suggest it. I can't post a link but go to the childrens savings section and read the post entitle -'Use your child's tax free allowance'.

Acc72

I still don't get it .....

You asked a question and as the replies have been received, it is clear what your thoughts are - to the point that 6 pages later you seem even more determined to follow the course of action that you wanted to follow in the first place (which is contrary to the majority of advice given).

Why did you ask in the first place ?

starsteel

fluffnutter wrote: »

I'm not sure you can do this. I assume by 'higher interest rates' you're talking about tax free savings accounts for children, i.e. a child trust fund or ISA. If so, you can't simply 'transfer the savings into your name' at some point in the future because that will just be a massive tax dodge!

No I didn't mean that. You can get normal children's savings accounts with a better rate of return than a normal 'adult' savings account.

I'm not really a fan of a child automatically receiving money saved by their parents at 16/18 - I think the parents should be able to chose when and how to hand it over, which you can't with CTFs or JISAs.

itzmee

OP you mentioned that SD is 5 so surely she would already have a child trust fund set up. I can understand why your OH would want to contribute the same amount to his kids and don't see the problem, especially if your dad has set up a separate account for your daughter, as she will still benefit in the future. You could always set up a separate account yourself for your daughter and put a bit extra away for her.

FBaby

And lets not forget that money is not everything???

My half sister has had much more financial assistance from my parents over the years, but I am much happier in myself, probably because I am much more independent and self-reliant.

Children who experience very different lifestyle in both household will naturally be used to things being different anyway, so the financial aspect is only another one. And who knows what the future holds. Maybe the one who ends up with less savings at 18 will want to study at a high level and it will be natural for the parents to support her, whilst maybe the other child will not be interested in studying and happy to work and start supporting themselves.

It can even lead to the discussion of whether we are doing our children any favours by saving for them in the first place if they are going to learn to take this saving for granted to do who knows what with when they are entitled to it???