opinions please

Mrs_Arcanum

It is a real shame the mother does not live somewhere handy. As one option would be to move in to the 3 bed house and rent a small flat for mother.

A difficult situation that really cannot be sorted by people on a forum. Only a decent calm discussion amongst all those affected may find a way forward.

I would suggest a meal out to discuss things where embarrassment may stop the non-constructive arguments.

ognum

I think that what the OP is suffering from is youth, she is just young, she is like some young people who believe their needs and wants out strip everyone else's.

OP you were aware of all this when at 19 you and your partner decided to have a child. Presumably one of the things that attracted you to your partner was his care and compassion.

I think you need to stand back and look critically at the situation, I can tell by your posts you feel very aggrieved but should you?

Most people would not throw their mother out of a house, she is bereaved, all her memories and thought are bound up in the house.

However, maybe the best thing is for when your partner is ready, not when you think he should be ready, for him alone to go and talk with his mother about life and finances, most things can be solved with a conversation and compromise on both sides.

My opinion is that the OP should back off at this time and allow her lovely partner the space to solve this. I can feel myself becoming defensive for him from the tone of the OPs posts.

To the OP please just step back and encourage gently, stamping your foot for you child and your rights is not attractive!

JimmyTheWig

chazall wrote: »

i know we risk falling out but i don't think we would let it cause a huge break-up of the family.

Are you really saying that you think you can chuck someone out of their home and still remain friendly with them?

chazall wrote: »

the things like sky is all the money she has not got enough to pay mortgage.

She could cancel the Sky and use the money to help towards the mortgage.
I actually think that a £70 contribution a month out of a £400 mortgage would be reasonable, given that Lee will go on to own the house outright.

Edit: I contradict this line of reasoning in my post #64. I now don't think that the MIL should contribute towards the mortgage at all.

Acc72

I feel sorry for Lee

From the limited information, he sounds like a hard working stand up bloke who entered into an agreement with open eyes with the best of intentions.

Unless I have missed it, the OP does not say when this agreement was made (was this before they met?) and also what is the location of this property - can't they all live in the house together (at least for the short term) ?

To be fair the OP is getting a hard time, but they are not coming across well at all.

It seems that because she worked from the age of 16 to 19 that she is more entitled to "holidays" and "treats" (paid for by Lee) than his mother is entitled to having a roof over her head - after all she is "a very active healthy 71 year old".

Wyndham

There is a difference between living with your mother and having your mother live with you. OP, you need to see that difference as I think you think moving into the house would be the former, but would actually be the latter.

DPJames

Hold on. You're going on about your parents bringing you up well, and loving you, always having 'money', and that they would never put you in the situation that Lee's mam has.

But aren't they the ones chucking you out because they want more potential income from rent?

Yeah, they sound like lovely parents. Lee's mam might be a bit money foolish, but at least she's not chucking her children, and grandchild out. If I were Lee, I'd have another thread on here asking what to do about selfish in-laws making us homeless.

justjohn

Sorry but i am with the OP.....The mother does not need a large house.

The situation should defo not stay like this. Lee is paying a mortgage any decent parent would voluntarily move out or on if aware of the situation her son is in.

Now the mother either does not know the suttuation with her sons difficulties or she is an old git.

Now that aside if the house is in the son's name in entirety then its more than possible that if she moves out/house is sold, the mother may even be better off financially.

Sell it, there is a difference between helping parents/children and sacrificing your life. And no one should expect the other too do this when it is not needed.

POPCORN Anyone!

justjohn

DPJames wrote: »

Hold on. You're going on about your parents bringing you up well, and loving you, always having 'money', and that they would never put you in the situation that Lee's mam has.

But aren't they the ones chucking you out because they want more potential income from rent?

Yeah, they sound like lovely parents. Lee's mam might be a bit money foolish, but at least she's not chucking her children, and grandchild out. If I were Lee, I'd have another thread on here asking what to do about selfish in-laws making us homeless.

Maybe ...maybe not....this was my daughter i would be well peed.....they have no need to be in this situation....they have one mother sponging and taking the pee and another subsidizing there life due to the sittuation with the mother being in a mortgaged house.....

justjohn

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I also think you're a piece of work. And by that I mean mercenary, petulant, resentful, unrealistic and horribly interfering. I sincerely hope this situation causes you as much unhappiness as possible for as long as possible.

your a charmer, you username is very apt.

Uk_Lover

maybe OP need to invest in a pair of roller-skates, leave them on the top step of the stairs !

It's a difficult one, she wants more for her family which is fair enough but at the expense of Lee's family which isn't. Can't have it both ways. Well you can but you shouldn't!


As others have said, no point coming to an open forum asking about this, no one knows your relationship with the MIL.
I think the best thing to do would be talk to her, tell her about your financial problems (bare in mind you are a lot better off that a lot of people), tell her you would like to sell the house and buy a better one with room for her in her own private space. She may even like it. She would get help from you and Lee if and when she needs it, you get a free baby sitter. Win win unless you really don't get on.

Saying all that I'm not sure if I could live with my mum ! But would if I had too !