opinions please

chazall

ViolaLass wrote: »

Please, it's would have not would of.

What does Lee want in all this? It's strikes me that you're on here trying to persuade the wrong people.

Look think you are being very petty, i joined this forum to get opinions not spelling correction's, or to be slagged down.

Lee wants what i want but is worried about his mum.

chazall

ViolaLass wrote: »

She's making a great fuss about how she's been well brought up so I didn't think it entirely irrelevant. Besides, I don't see that we can really help. She needs to talk to Lee, not us.

Look if that's how you feel then don't reply! I am mearly pointing out that regardless of my spellings, i am not a selfish person and just want to get opinions.

the reason i have stated ive been brought up well was because of the comment on unessasary thoughts of my daughter & myself.

marliepanda

Whilst I agree it is odd for a son to be helping out his parents with mortgages (rather than the other way round) it will benefit him eventually, with a house worth double his investment, which he will own outright once he finishes paying the mortgage.

Yes it is open ended, but I assumed he had done it to provide security to his family as well as netting himself a tidy profit once they are gone.

If you do go the route of the forced sale, OP, then you could irreperably damage the relationship between your family and your mother in law, which could have a big impact on her involvement with your daughter.

There are so many other things to think about than simply money. You seem to be able to afford to rent privately AND pay a mortgage for a home you will own soon. Thats a position many people are not in.

chazall

marliepanda wrote: »

You still haven't answered my question of what would you do if the shoe was on the other foot. Would you be happy if Lee was pressurising you to sell your mothers home out from under her?

Probably not, as no decent human being would do, or be happy, with that.

You are just seeing it as potential money. Lee see's it as what it is, his mothers (and probably his family) home.

I would not dream of kicking my mother out of her home. I would also be disgusted if I found out my own mother had done that. Your daughter will find out...

Lee made a deal. He made an open ended deal, which has not com to its conclusion yet. That is his own doing.

So you can afford to privately rent, with £303 left over. You have some scope to ask for his mother to contribute to the mortgage, but not to throw her out.

Also, your daughter will be of school age very soon. Then you can get a job and contribute financially and you will be fine. Then you should be able to buy your own place or continue to privately rent, and i dont see how that is going to have any detrimental affect on your daughter.

Look my mother wouldn't do this and tonight has comfirmed this. I would happily explain to my daughter what we need to do in order for a better life for us.If my mum had done this i would do the exact same thing to make my family better.

His mum has no way of contributing so this is why it's come to this, we cannot afford our lifes plus her's.

My biggest point is we shouldnt have to have less, especially when lee's mum is not trying to help. She currently has the £71 a month sky package!!!! we cant afford this as its a luxury... so why can she?

Im not seeing this as potential money!! i couldn't care less about it. I would happily walk away from £80k if it ment we could move on. You dont no me so dont judge! My family have always had money and ive never been someone to care. MONEY IS NOT IMPORTANT IT'S OUR LIFES NOW.

pimento

Sorry OP, but I think you're a piece of work.

chazall

marliepanda wrote: »

More selfishness. She thinks her daughter has more right to live in a house of her own than this woman.

You said you had her because you could give her the best in life, and are NOW saying you 'want' to give her the best in life which his mother is preventing you from doing.

You knew of the situation before you had your daughter so those 2 statements are contradictory. Also I do not think 'living with grandma' is going to negatively affect a 3 year old. most would LOVE it.

To be fair when we had lois i was 19 i didnt think about this to much as lee said if it ever affected us he would deal with it. Im not selfish his mum is we are far from it.

Like most people Grandma is very different and I did not mean it would be bad for her but why should we have to live with a 71yr old?

marliepanda

As I said, you have of course, reason to ask her to contribute. Ask Lee to talk to her, mention the fact she has these expensive items and ask if she can contribute to the mortgage (heck, PAY the mortgage as rent)

Has he ever asked her to contribute? Why do you say she 'has no way to contribute' if she can afford expensive Sky packages? She clearly HAS a way to contribute?

Lee made the agreement, not you. Maybe he shouldnt have done it? but he has, and he has to live with it.

Anyway you asked for opinions, and you are getting them, so cut out all the 'you dont know me, dont judge me!!!!' crap.

What difference will it actually make to your life? You are moving into private rental now, yes. So you have chosen a suitable property for your family. You have some expendable income after bills. What difference will the extra £420 make to 'your life'?

What about the difference to your life that could happen from making your MIL upset with your family?

chazall

BobQ wrote: »

I think that the offensive comments made about the OP are shameful.

My first reaction would be to discuss the matter with his mother and lay out the facts as you have done here. I note you say she is selfish but does she really understand the situation? If she does then she is indeed being callous in putting Lee in the position of either failing to honour his promise or making his life and his daughter's life unnecessarily harsh. But maybe MIL does not realise the problem her son has?

While I think the OP and her OH could economise (2 cars?) this is not the point. In effect Lee has committed himself to savings plan that will probably make a good profit when his mother dies but its happening at the wrong time in his life. I think she needs to realise that change needs to happen. The challenge is to make changes with a positive outcome.

Could you move into her house? Extend it ?
Could you jointly afford a larger house where she had a granny flat etc?
Could she be persuaded to move to a smaller house and release all or at least some of his equity?
Does she really want to force Lee to make a choice that could destroy their relationship?
Can you find a solution where she moved to a flat, released his mortgagge money and then had a small nest egg to spend on what she wanted?

Another issue to consider is who legally owns the house. If MIL's name is the only one on the deeds, were she to need to move into a care home the local authority would take most of the equity to pay the fees. If he owns it jointly, then he will still get a share but not the original deal he made. This alone should suggest that his mother needs to rethink the original deal. I know she is currently very fit, but the same issue would arise if she lived 10 years and then had health problems.

Of course there is another question for the OP to consider. If the OP or her OH force the issue and say MIL sells the house she cannot afford to live in for say £210K and buys a flat for £100K, pays them the £70K back, there is no guarantee that MIL will not take umbrage and leave her estate to someone else?

Thankyou. she is not on the deeds they sold the house as a gift to lee. you are probably right she is slighly un-aware of the problems being caused.

marliepanda

chazall wrote: »

Like most people Grandma is very different and I did not mean it would be bad for her but why should we have to live with a 71yr old?

Many people live with their older parents. They want to look after them, help them. Its a cultural expectation in many countries. If my mum needed help when she was 61, 71, 81, 91, 101, she could come and live with me. Its my mum. Its my family.

Its not like living with a grizzly bear. She may be fit and healthy now, but believe me, from experience, that can change in a heartbeat.

chazall

marliepanda wrote: »

Whilst I agree it is odd for a son to be helping out his parents with mortgages (rather than the other way round) it will benefit him eventually, with a house worth double his investment, which he will own outright once he finishes paying the mortgage.

Yes it is open ended, but I assumed he had done it to provide security to his family as well as netting himself a tidy profit once they are gone.

If you do go the route of the forced sale, OP, then you could irreperably damage the relationship between your family and your mother in law, which could have a big impact on her involvement with your daughter.

There are so many other things to think about than simply money. You seem to be able to afford to rent privately AND pay a mortgage for a home you will own soon. Thats a position many people are not in.

i know we risk falling out but i don't think we would let it cause a huge break-up of the family.

yes i can see the gains in money but in ten years we would of wasted £90,000 on rent so seems pointless. yes we may be able to rent and pay mortgage but only just and if somethink big happened it may end us in more debt.