opinions please

ViolaLass

chazall wrote: »

in fact were lucky my parents have been so good this long because this mess would of started much sooner.

Please, it's would have not would of.

What does Lee want in all this? It's strikes me that you're on here trying to persuade the wrong people.

cattie

ViolaLass wrote: »

Please, it's would have not would of.

The point of these boards is to hopefully give advice or comments that in someway relate to the post the OP makes. I don't think any of us have the right to make unnecessary personal comments on a posters grammar or other defects in their use of the English language. As long as it has proper sentences and commas and full stops are used, most of us here can understand exactly what the OP is talking about.

ViolaLass

cattie wrote: »

The point of these boards is to hopefully give advice or comments that in someway relate to the post the OP makes. I don't think any of us have the right to make unnecessary personal comments on a posters grammar or other defects in their use of the English language. As long as it has proper sentences and commas and full stops are used, most of us here can understand exactly what the OP is talking about.

She's making a great fuss about how she's been well brought up so I didn't think it entirely irrelevant. Besides, I don't see that we can really help. She needs to talk to Lee, not us.

marliepanda

You still haven't answered my question of what would you do if the shoe was on the other foot. Would you be happy if Lee was pressurising you to sell your mothers home out from under her?

Probably not, as no decent human being would do, or be happy, with that.

You are just seeing it as potential money. Lee see's it as what it is, his mothers (and probably his family) home.

I would not dream of kicking my mother out of her home. I would also be disgusted if I found out my own mother had done that. Your daughter will find out...

Lee made a deal. He made an open ended deal, which has not com to its conclusion yet. That is his own doing.

So you can afford to privately rent, with £303 left over. You have some scope to ask for his mother to contribute to the mortgage, but not to throw her out.

Also, your daughter will be of school age very soon. Then you can get a job and contribute financially and you will be fine. Then you should be able to buy your own place or continue to privately rent, and i dont see how that is going to have any detrimental affect on your daughter.

pimento

chazall wrote: »

I think personally our little girl Lois is way more important than his mum.

You lost me here.

marliepanda

pimento wrote: »

You lost me here.

More selfishness. She thinks her daughter has more right to live in a house of her own than this woman.

You said you had her because you could give her the best in life, and are NOW saying you 'want' to give her the best in life which his mother is preventing you from doing.

You knew of the situation before you had your daughter so those 2 statements are contradictory. Also I do not think 'living with grandma' is going to negatively affect a 3 year old. most would LOVE it.

pimento

chazall wrote: »

... the reason i want better is for my child. who is 3 and counts to 20 and writes her own name ..

Ah, but can she spell mortgage?

BobQ

I think that the offensive comments made about the OP are shameful.

My first reaction would be to discuss the matter with his mother and lay out the facts as you have done here. I note you say she is selfish but does she really understand the situation? If she does then she is indeed being callous in putting Lee in the position of either failing to honour his promise or making his life and his daughter's life unnecessarily harsh. But maybe MIL does not realise the problem her son has?

While I think the OP and her OH could economise (2 cars?) this is not the point. In effect Lee has committed himself to savings plan that will probably make a good profit when his mother dies but its happening at the wrong time in his life. I think she needs to realise that change needs to happen. The challenge is to make changes with a positive outcome.

Could you move into her house? Extend it ?
Could you jointly afford a larger house where she had a granny flat etc?
Could she be persuaded to move to a smaller house and release all or at least some of his equity?
Does she really want to force Lee to make a choice that could destroy their relationship?
Can you find a solution where she moved to a flat, released his mortgagge money and then had a small nest egg to spend on what she wanted?

Another issue to consider is who legally owns the house. If MIL's name is the only one on the deeds, were she to need to move into a care home the local authority would take most of the equity to pay the fees. If he owns it jointly, then he will still get a share but not the original deal he made. This alone should suggest that his mother needs to rethink the original deal. I know she is currently very fit, but the same issue would arise if she lived 10 years and then had health problems.

Of course there is another question for the OP to consider. If the OP or her OH force the issue and say MIL sells the house she cannot afford to live in for say £210K and buys a flat for £100K, pays them the £70K back, there is no guarantee that MIL will not take umbrage and leave her estate to someone else?

marliepanda

Based on this statement by the OP

'Lee's mum does not contribute whatsoever so therefore if the moneys not there she has no choice but to allow us to sell.'

If she could be forced to sell then surely Lee is in some way an owner of this property.

I also do not see how their life is 'harsh' due to privately renting and having £300 left after all of their bills... Its not as if they are in the poorhouse eating jam and bread everyday because they are paying a mortgage on a house they will eventually own...

BobQ

marliepanda wrote: »

You still haven't answered my question of what would you do if the shoe was on the other foot. Would you be happy if Lee was pressurising you to sell your mothers home out from under her?

Probably not, as no decent human being would do, or be happy, with that.

You are just seeing it as potential money. Lee see's it as what it is, his mothers (and probably his family) home.

I would not dream of kicking my mother out of her home. I would also be disgusted if I found out my own mother had done that. Your daughter will find out...

Lee made a deal. He made an open ended deal, which has not com to its conclusion yet. That is his own doing.

So you can afford to privately rent, with £303 left over. You have some scope to ask for his mother to contribute to the mortgage, but not to throw her out.

Also, your daughter will be of school age very soon. Then you can get a job and contribute financially and you will be fine. Then you should be able to buy your own place or continue to privately rent, and i dont see how that is going to have any detrimental affect on your daughter.

In some respects I can sympathise with this view that maybe the OP is being a little impatient in wanting the best for her daughter while believing her MIL could do more to help them.

Lee made a deal with the best of intentions that he probably feels obliged to honour it. But equally, was it a deal that his parents should have allowed him to make? At the time they were between a rock and a hardplace, trying to keep a roof over their heads with his father having deteriorating health issues. Lee probably wanted to keep a roof over his head too. But the situation is different now and their are potential solutions to it. Personally I would not hold my son to such a deal when I knew I could easily live another 20 years, neither would I expect him to make me homeless by reneging on it.