opinions please

DPJames

chazall wrote: »

WHAT WOULD YOU DO? GET IT SORTED OR ALLOW HIS MUM TO ENJOY HER LIFE WITHOUT PAYING
A DIME.

Not knowing you from Adam, but from your first post you come across as a disgusting human being.

Of course your fella can't 'chuck his mother out'. Are you mental? SHE'S HIS MOTHER. She's lived there a long time and will have a lot of memories related and attached to the home, especially now that her husband has passed away.

Your man is obviously a top bloke, and helped his parents out with the mortgage when they were desperate.

Of course I can see why this is causing you both a lot of hassle, but you are being totally selfish and are not considering your other half's feelings and sentiments at all, are you?

Could I ask what you earn a month? If your fella earns £2600 and your rent is only £200, plus the mortgage, that leaves you with £2000 a month. Where the Hell does all that go? Surely you could be saving £1K a month a putting it towards a big deposit for your own mortgage, or paying more rent to your own parents. How much debt do you have? And what did you spend/waste it all on? Perhaps the bigger problem isn't your mother in law, but YOUR debt.

One idea would be to search for a house for yourselves, but with an attached granny flat, or at least the scope to develop one. That way you can live together, but not in each others faces constantly. And you'll be able to sell the family home and release it's equity, and put this towards your next home. You could even get a bigger and better home than you were expecting. Your MiL could then become your greatest asset, rather than the obstacle you see her as.

And have some sympathy eh? Stop giving Lee hassle and grief about the woman he's known all his life and has loved him, without question, from day one.

BitterAndTwisted

Try to interfere between a son and his mother about their finiancial arrangements at your peril!

Presumably your OH took on this burden and the responsibility fully understanding the long-term ramifications, so it would be foolish to try and make them change it now, regardless of how imprudently the parents may have arrangaed their affairs in the past.

This situation is for the two of them to come to an arrangement about and I would warn you to remove yourself from any discussion about it.

If you have debts, then that's your fault and your responsibility to resolve on your own without making a pensioner give up her home. It's your debts that are making you think you can't afford to rent somewhere that you think you deserve and not you OH's mother.

kev225

Any offence given is unintended but I'm compelled to say that, at least in your posts, you come across as a very self centred person.

Your partner I assume is the breadwinner, whilst you contribute nothing monetary wise to your relationship? Forcing yourself into this emotionally mammoth arrangement focused seemingly purely on your own greed. Disgraceful.

You want to control the finances and make his mother homeless, I hope at some point you realise how abhorrent these views are.

And I think especially distasteful, on a solely personal note, is the way you use your daughter as emotional blackmail.

Caveat_Mortgagor

You have a partner who has demonstrated great loyalty and compassion. He earns a good wage. And yet you aren't happy.

First thing is from his income you should have £2k a month left over after paying the mortgage and rent to your folks. If you dont have other household bills to pay then why on earth cant you manage on £2k a month? You mention debts - how much are you paying off?

Will they stop Lee re-mortgaging? £420 a month seems an awful lot for a £70k mortgage. With the amount of equity in the house he should be able to get it down to around £350 a month.

I agree with other posters that you seem self centred. You have a child for f's sake. You obviously wont be able to teach it to spell and it seems you wont be able to teach it values such as compassion, trust and love. Poor kid.

pmlindyloo

kev225 wrote: »

Any offence given is unintended but I'm compelled to say that, at least in your posts, you come across as a very self centred person.

Your partner I assume is the breadwinner, whilst you contribute nothing monetary wise to your relationship? Forcing yourself into this emotionally mammoth arrangement focused seemingly purely on your own greed. Disgraceful.

You want to control the finances and make his mother homeless, I hope at some point you realise how abhorrent these views are.

And I think especially distasteful, on a solely personal note, is the way you use your daughter as emotional blackmail.

Whoa!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not sure of all the financial facts hence the questions I asked.

I do not for one moment think the OP is trying to make her OH's mother homeless. From what I understand she is trying to turn around the situation as to her OH paying a mortgage for a house that he receives no rent for/cannot live in.

As for the OP's OH being the 'breadwinner' I take acception to that. She is a stay at home mother looking after his child, cleaning, cooking whatever. Does every woman who does this see themselves as a minion with no say at all in the financial affairs of their partnership? For goodness sake.

I do not think it is unreasonable for one person in a partnership to have a joint say in their life and finances.

I do not know legally what the financial situation is with the house but I feel sure that the mother won't be left homeless and the OP and her family can move on.

For all we know the OH's mother could be a selfish person happy to live off her son's money. We just don't know.

Grrrrrh!:D

dodger1

If Lee's take home pay is £2600 per month, then after £420 mortgage and £750 rent there is still £1430 in the kity for food, utilities and debts which seems to me to be plenty. On top of that of course is child benefit.

Having said that, why doesn't Lee just have a word with his mum. Any loving mother would be more than happy to help out her son by moving into a smaller property to help out, especially as it's the son who is paying the mortgage.

It appears that Lee hasn't even spoken to his mum about this problem, for me that would be the first step in finding a solution. His mum will probably be more than willing to help out in some way, at least as I said before she's a loving mother.

chazall

Right firstly Please do NOT refer to me as using my daughter as Blackmail.... she deserves everything we can give her. AND IS THE INNOCENT IN THIS.

SECONDLY HOW DARE ANY OF YOU CRITICISE THE WAY I BRING MY CHILD UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lee's mum does not contribute whatsoever so therefore if the moneys not there she has no choice but to allow us to sell.

ok so your all debate where the money goes;
1. £420 - morgage
2. £750 - rent
3. £300 - food bills
4. £320 - gas,electric,water,council tax
5. £200 fuel for lee (mine is around £50 month
6. £45 insurance for house. (Morgaged)
7. £20 month contents on rented
8. £120 month car insurance.
9. £45 on both mobiles
10. £12 month tv lisence
11. £45 phone tv broadband
12. £20 month life insurance
total = £2297 leaves us with £303

we pay £200 a month on debt and im not being funny but we would not have it if we had the extra morgage outgoings we have had and is not money wasted the has accumalted over 4yrs and various reasons twice being car related lee also had debt before we met.

and lets not forget throughout year car taxes? M.O.T? Clothing. animal costs and unforseen expenses.

This is not money wasted this is life! and £80k would not by nothing here so thats not an option. im not what your making me out to be.

Im a 23yr old girl who worked right up until my daughter was born. i could not go back to work sooner because we couldnt afford £800 month childcare costs in this area!!!! or i would be back sooner, we dont get tax credits or anything like that other than child benefit which all receive. I want whats best for our family and making ourselves skint is stupid just to keep his mum in her family home at the end of the day we are the ones losing out in 12 months we would of paid £9000 in rent so if this goes on for 10 years thats £90,000 in rent so the £80k equilty is not the reason behind this.

Lee admits himself his mum is selfish we all get on well but whilst we will struggle to get by his mum is collecting lillput lane, dining out with friends and buying un-nessasary items.

Its made me really sad to read these replies because we a beautiful family wanting the best and yet were living like were poor.

im not being mean or selfish im not self centered ive been brought up very well both my parents still work extremly hard and have done extremly well. lees mum has never worked even though his dad earned little she never helped just spend spent spent. the morgage would of been less but lee took out more to pay there debt off.

IVE ALWAYS BEEN TAUGHT IF YOU WORK HARD YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE. we cannot afford a holiday but lee's mum has had 3 in 3yrs??????

pmlindyloo - thankyou and you are right xx

cattie

chazall wrote: »

Lee & myself and our baby girl (now 3) have been renting off my parents only paying £200 month until now, so have been very lucky.
QUOTE]


I'm confused as in your first post you mention paying £200 month to your parents for rent, then in your last post you put a different figure of £750.

With only having had to pay £200 month rent you should have been able to save a fair bit with such a low charge and unless you have a fully self contained flat in your parents property, there would have been no council tax liabilty, nor such a high amount as you have stated for gas, electric etc. A food bill at £300 month seems a lot, especially as a stay at home mum you should be able to serve delicious meals for a fraction of what ready made ones would cost, so why not look to reduce this expenditure for a start.

The house insurance can probably be secured for a much lower amount. I pay approx £31 month for both buildings and contents with accidental cover on a large 3 bed property.

chazall

cattie wrote: »

chazall wrote: »

Lee & myself and our baby girl (now 3) have been renting off my parents only paying £200 month until now, so have been very lucky.

chazall wrote: »

QUOTE]


I'm confused as in your first post you mention paying £200 month to your parents for rent, then in your last post you put a different figure of £750.

With only having had to pay £200 month rent you should have been able to save a fair bit with such a low charge and unless you have a fully self contained flat in your parents property, there would have been no council tax liabilty, nor such a high amount as you have stated for gas, electric etc. A food bill at £300 month seems a lot, especially as a stay at home mum you should be able to serve delicious meals for a fraction of what ready made ones would cost, so why not look to reduce this expenditure for a start.

The house insurance can probably be secured for a much lower amount. I pay approx £31 month for both buildings and contents with accidental cover on a large 3 bed property.

Sorry to confuse, yeah our rent is "£200 a month, but next month were be moving into a £750 a month property also lee's wage is currently £1600 a month but from next month £2600 as his had upgrade in job.

£300 month on food is inc dog cat food, cleaning items for a month bedtime nappies baby wipes make-up toiletries deoderant etc everthing we spend on houshold stuff so its not just food food totals around £160month without drink.

the insurance on house is to pay off morgage if lee dies, and covers him if ill to pay morgage. and obviously the contents will be for rented home.

chazall

Caveat_Mortgagor wrote: »

You have a partner who has demonstrated great loyalty and compassion. He earns a good wage. And yet you aren't happy.

First thing is from his income you should have £2k a month left over after paying the mortgage and rent to your folks. If you dont have other household bills to pay then why on earth cant you manage on £2k a month? You mention debts - how much are you paying off?

Will they stop Lee re-mortgaging? £420 a month seems an awful lot for a £70k mortgage. With the amount of equity in the house he should be able to get it down to around £350 a month.

I agree with other posters that you seem self centred. You have a child for f's sake. You obviously wont be able to teach it to spell and it seems you wont be able to teach it values such as compassion, trust and love. Poor kid.

i find your post extremly un-fair. the reason i want better is for my child. who is 3 and counts to 20 and writes her own name so dont you dare be so rude. I was brought up very well and have had the best start in life, im far from what your making me out to be. You make me sound like im a money grabbing heartless cow! but i am not i love my family to pieces my parents wouldn't dream of doing this to us! in fact were lucky my parents have been so good this long because this mess would of started much sooner.