Split up with fiance, called off wedding, now venue wants £1600 cancellation fee help

Poppy9

The ring was a gift and as the calling off of the wedding was not a mutual decision I think it's quite unfair to ask for it back.

Regarding living arrangements could you reach a compromise? If she child minds during "office hours", let her use your house for 2 months till she can register another property as her work place, but ask her to stay/sleep elsewhere i.e. her mothers house.

If after 2 months she is still without work premises then she either pays you rent for use of your house during day or you withdraw the use of your home.

Its always difficult when a relationship ends and it's only what one party wants as sympathy tends to be with the dumped person.

Beebop

Not going to comment on the other issues but you need to just pay the cancellation fee at wedding venue and get it done with. Can't see what your issue is with that. You booked to save that date, they've probably turned down other bookings sine then so it's your duty to pay cancellation fee.
Never understand why people don't grasp the concept of booking a wedding venue means a financial responsibility however it ends....Sorry if that's harsh but true.....

chelmsfordgirl1

I just wanted to say I think you have done the right thing ending it now. My brother ended his relationship 1 month before he was due to get married, 2 weeks later I ended mine - 9 months before my wedding (my poor parents) but my parents were pleased we had the courage to do it before the wedding as my dad's brother didn't. He only said I do because his bride elbowed him when he was day dreaming & he didn't hear the question. He is now on wife number 3. Spliting up was the hardest thing I done but looking back now (6 years on) I know it was the right thing to do. Although it was really my decision, I offered the ring back and he said I could keep it. He kept his engagement ring. He also contributed part the costs to the deposits but not half as it was all he could afford.
With regard to your house, I would say to her that it has been a difficult decision for you and to avoid pro-longing the pain for both of you, you are giving her 1 or 2 months notice (depending on how generous you are feeling) to find somewhere new. This will also give her enough time to notify the parents of the children she looks after. Work out from your gas/electricity/TV etc bills how much per month, divide it by hours in a day and say you will need xxx from her as rent (the hours she is at home when you are at work) then when you are both at home split it. If she goes out at night, then you cover the bills for that time. That way, she is only paying for the amount of time she is using the stuff and hopefully won't feel like you are taking everything she has from her.
I hope it all works out for you. As another poster said - all the time she is living there, neither of you can move on which will only pre-long the pain and heart ache.

DKLS

Well done OP, you have done the hardest thing.

What's this about notice and Kipping on the floor !!, take a hearty dose of MTFU, pack up her stuff and tell her parents to come and collect their property ASAP, move a lodger in and re-discover your mojo.

For a brucey bones pull her best mate/sister.

Person_one

DKLS wrote: »

Well done OP, you have done the hardest thing.

What's this about notice and Kipping on the floor !!, take a hearty dose of MTFU, pack up her stuff and tell her parents to come and collect their property ASAP, move a lodger in and re-discover your mojo.

For a brucey bones pull her best mate/sister.

Or, if you don't live inside a copy of Nuts magazine, don't.

Lancslass1982

DKLS wrote: »

Well done OP, you have done the hardest thing.

What's this about notice and Kipping on the floor !!, take a hearty dose of MTFU, pack up her stuff and tell her parents to come and collect their property ASAP, move a lodger in and re-discover your mojo.

For a brucey bones pull her best mate/sister.

I don't think the OP was asking for advice on how to be a huge douchebag!!

DKLS

Person_one wrote: »

Or, if you don't live inside a copy of Nuts magazine, don't.

If it was nuts I would have said pull her sister and smash her back doors in :beer:

The initial advice stands, kick her out ASAP

paulthe6th

Thanks to everyone for their replies. Think I may have misled a few people, I'm looking into getting a lodger once she's out - not while she's childminding.

Person_one wrote: »

I think its important to try and put yourself in her shoes.

Person_one wrote: »

Indeed TGITA, good post. It might be his house, but until very recently it was their home.

A few posters are being very cold towards someone going through a very traumatic adjustment. The OP doesn't hate her or seem to bear her ill will, which is very healthy. People shouldn't be pushing him to be vindictive and cruel.

It's easy for people typing words on a computer to say "kick her out"... "show her the door!" .... "Off with her head!" - human relationships are a bit more complex than that in the real world. Although a 'clean break' would be the most effective step to start moving forwards, it wouldn't be very pleasant, and it would destroy the business she's worked hard to build up over the last few months. Doing that would give me no real benefit, and it would just be plain spiteful.

DKLS wrote: »

Well done OP, you have done the hardest thing.

What's this about notice and Kipping on the floor !!, take a hearty dose of MTFU, pack up her stuff and tell her parents to come and collect their property ASAP, move a lodger in and re-discover your mojo.

For a brucey bones pull her best mate/sister.

There's enough friends & family saying I'm a bad person as it is. Something like that would be like loading my own gun.

Person_one wrote: »

Or, if you don't live inside a copy of Nuts magazine, don't.

:T

Never liked all those lads mags FHM, Nuts, Loaded, Bangers, etc. always seem to be read by people who spend all day talking about boobs. There's a world out there, it really is worth seeing sometime..

Anywho thanks for all the replies guys. Have emailed the venue saying we'll square everything up with them by the 2nd of June. The ring issue was just me not thinking everything through enough, the real underlying issue is the lack of financial input on her part.

She's now been asking me to give her some sort of written proof that I won't kick her out while she's looking for somewhere new to live as per guidance from 'Citizens advice'??? I think she's been speaking to her mum again. "Just tell him it's what citizens advice have said" Yep, definitely her mum :mad:

I'm not interested in kicking her out but the trade off between getting some money in to help with all these bills versus getting her out asap is something I really need to think about. The jist of it is that she's got 6-8 weeks to get something sorted. I've told her that in person but she's convinced I'm going to change my mind?

Thanks again everyone

daska

The kindest thing you could do would be to help her find new premises and if at all possible put something towards the deposit for her. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of how either of you have behaved it's the practical choice as it means your house is your own and you can get a lodger in asap. Regard it less as wasted money as an investment in your future without her.

Gigervamp

I'm glad that a few others have posted sentiments similar to mine. I was shocked at how many people here were telling the OP to ship her out without considering all the circumstances.

I agree that she should be given a couple of months to sort things out. I feel that the OP should give her that time without having to contribute to paying bills because if she's helping to pay the bills, she won't be able to save enough to get a deposit and 1st months rent.

As the OP was the one to call it off, he should at least give her that.

Why is the OP sleeping on the floor of the spare room? Do they not have a sofa in the living room? Surely that would be more comfortable? Either for the OP, or his ex.