Split up with fiance, called off wedding, now venue wants £1600 cancellation fee help

paddy's_mum

I do feel, really quite strongly, that as almost all of this was a joint venture, that the costs of dissolving it ought to be met by both parties equally.

I do understand that she may have difficulty coming up with a large sum of money immediately but there is nothing to stop her promising to repay (what I see as her share) at some point in the not too distant future when folk have got over the immediate aftermath and upset.

barbiedoll

The ring....forget about that, it's her property, you won't get it back and even if you do, you won't get much money for it. Move on.

Your bills....cancel the cable tv if you're not locked in a long contract and stop paying her mobile bill. Your utility bills (electric especially) are only high because she has heating and lighting on all day for the kids. Not your problem, she has to start paying rent for using your premises for her business. If she only makes £300 a month, she can give you £200, she has no other outgoings.

The wedding venue.....it's your bill, you'll have to pay it so just cough up and count it as money well spent. You know that you have done the right thing, I think you've been very brave, it's a lot easier to say "I do" than "I don't". My friend did the same thing 6 weeks before her (original) wedding. She's been married to her now husband for over 20 years so she definitely did the right thing!

Sleeping on the floor in the spare room.....I know that you feel guilty but it's your house and you're paying for it. I assume that you also have to get up for work in the morning so I don't understand how she can let you sleep in the spare room in your own house. If it were me, I'd be back at my mum's, even if I had to go back to the ex's for work! She's getting free board and lodging AND free work premises, you're being taken for a mug. And what about when you have time off work, annual leave, or if you're ill? Do you really want other people's kids running all over your house whilst you're there?

Getting a lodger.....good idea, it will help to pay your bills at this difficult time. It's of no consequence to you, as long as you choose your lodger carefully but it will have an impact on her business. Anyone living in the house will have to be CRB checked etc etc, and again, will they want to live in a house full of other people's kids?

If she's been dumped but is still happy to stay at the house with you then she may be trying to get you to change your mind. Be careful!

Taadaa

Paul it's a shame that some people in your life have labelled you the bad guy, but it's nearly always that way for the person that makes this difficult decision. And yes, to an extent it probably is because they had bought a new hat. They will get over it in time. The main thing is that you have done the right thing, and you need to do stick by it now.

thegirlintheattic

I think some people on here are being very hash to the ex. Presumably this was a long-term relationship where the OP has admitted that until recently ex had no income. In that situation it is not unusual for one partner to over all if not most of the household costs. OP seems to have agreed with this arrangement and with home being used as a place of business. It seems as up until recently they were committed and thinking of the future.

The ex has lost her fiance and will soon loose her house and business. It doesn't seem unreasonable, if they are getting along, for her to take a few weeks to sort out a new house and place to run her business. Don't forget that without an income the OP is not going to see any money.

The OP seems to be a nice, reasonable guy. Sort out a payment plan with the venue and suggest to your ex that she should move into the spare room and needs to find a new place in x weeks otherwise she will need to contribute x amount.

Person_one

Indeed TGITA, good post. It might be his house, but until very recently it was their home.

A few posters are being very cold towards someone going through a very traumatic adjustment. The OP doesn't hate her or seem to bear her ill will, which is very healthy. People shouldn't be pushing him to be vindictive and cruel.

pinkshoes

Bearing in mind that if you get a lodger, it will affect her childminding business (as all people living under the roof will need CRB check...), so I would suggest she pays a reasonable amount towards bills and some form of rent.

I think you did exactly the right thing!

Her ring will pay a deposit for a rental property, so that doesn't come into it. Surely her childminding business is earning her enough to contribute to the bills?

thegirlintheattic

pinkshoes wrote: »

Bearing in mind that if you get a lodger, it will affect her childminding business (as all people living under the roof will need CRB check...), so I would suggest she pays a reasonable amount towards bills and some form of rent.

I think you did exactly the right thing!

Her ring will pay a deposit for a rental property, so that doesn't come into it. Surely her childminding business is earning her enough to contribute to the bills?

Depending on the ring - but most will only be worth their scrap metal value. Considering the OP's ex will have a limited choice of rental properties (as she will want to use them as a business as well), it is very likely your looking at at least £300-400 deposit, if not more. Unlikely the ring will fetch that much unless it is very special.

Beckyy

OP, remember to think with your head and not your head. I know it must be a very tough time for you both at the moment, but don't put yourself through more hardship than you need to just to be civil.

faerie~spangles

Well done for calling off the wedding much better to do it now than after the wedding.

Pay the wedding venue money and forget about it. You are paying for the date of the wedding to have been kept.

Now grow a pair and move her into the spare room and reclaim your bedroom.

Re' the ring, as has been said she won't get that much for it therefore neither will you.


Seek legal advice as this could get messy, very messy.

duchy

Seems you need to divide up these issues

The ring was a gift-she has no obligation to return it

The cancellation charge......What did you expect ? And yes you signed the agreement and chose to cancel it-Simple contract.

That's the nuts and bolts -the rest is more emotional

I do think giving your ex time to regroup would be kind-Cancelling the wedding wasn't her choice and it was presumably a joint decision to run her business from your home. Even when you know it's the right thing to do -a broken engagement can be rough on both. Does she have friends and family she could stay with -and come in daily to run the business ? That would probably be easier on both of you until she has sorted out an alternative.