Split up with fiance, called off wedding, now venue wants £1600 cancellation fee help

Sambucus_Nigra

Look luv - it's over so we need to be grown ups. You have got a ring and free board and lodging plus business premises. I need to pay this. So either we sell the ring and pay it off between us or I will have to charge you rent at the going [business rate] or get a lodger in. You have 24 hours to decide.

paulthe6th

ticktack wrote: »

I think the upset you're no doubt feeling over the end of the relationship is clouding your view of the finances.

1. You were going to pay for the wedding, and you're the one who has cancelled it, so you should pay for the cancellation.

Even if the reasons for calling it off were because of her behaivour?

ticktack wrote: »

2. You gave her the ring. Unless you got her to sign a contract promising to give it back if the wedding was called off (even if it was you that called it off), it's hers.

The only reason I asked what she was planning on doing with the ring is because when 2 of our friends called off their engagement a few months back, the bride-to-be refused to return the ring. My fiance proudly proclaimed that "if the wedding's off then you give the ring back, that's how it works". Seems the logic has changed now the shoe's on the other foot.

ticktack wrote: »

3. She shouldn't be running her business from your home, and shouldn't be living there. You definitely shouldn't be sleeping on the floor. Ask her to leave. The problems it may cause her are no longer your concern if you're no longer her partner.

If I was a robot then maybe this would apply. But I did love this person, and we have had a great relationship. It's all over and upsetting now, but there's no reason for me to be a complete bast*rd just for the thrill of it I guess?

Mojisola

I think you've been very wise to call a halt to things. I know a girl who knew she should call the wedding off and couldn't do it. She said she walked down the aisle saying to herself "This is a mistake, this is a mistake". The marriage didn't last and was a lot messier to get out of than calling off the ceremony would have been.

daska

I'm another one who thinks you've done the right thing. If you have doubts you shouldn't go through with it.

On a practical note: How will you having a lodger fit with her running a childminding business from your house? I suspect it could be very problematic so if you're thinking along those lines it would be worth a call to find out how many hoops there are to jump through.

ticktack_2

paulthe6th wrote: »

Even if the reasons for calling it off were because of her behaivour?

Yes. It's not a judgmental thing. You voluntarily entered into the contract with the venue, so you owe them their charge.

The only reason I asked what she was planning on doing with the ring is because when 2 of our friends called off their engagement a few months back, the bride-to-be refused to return the ring. My fiance proudly proclaimed that "if the wedding's off then you give the ring back, that's how it works". Seems the logic has changed now the shoe's on the other foot.

Again, my advice wasn't meant in a judgmental way. Since you gave her the ring, it's hers.

If I was a robot then maybe this would apply. But I did love this person, and we have had a great relationship. It's all over and upsetting now, but there's no reason for me to be a complete bast*rd just for the thrill of it I guess?

I just thnk you might find it easier to sort out the finances if you stop thinking of it in terms of what each of you "ought" to do, and look at it in terms of your legal obligations. She's not legally obliged to contribute to the cost of cancellation, or to give you back the ring. You're not legally obliged to let her continue living in your house, much less continue running her business there. The longer you're living together, and the longer the finances are intertwined, the harder it will be to get over it. Clean break, as quickly as it can be done without undue harshness to either side.

Alias_Omega

1) Go out and buy a "Sorry your leaving card.!". I did this with someone in the past who decided to play away. Years on they added me on facebook and they look rough.

2) Discuss the terms of when you can move in any potential friends/gf's etc if she fails to move out. Last thing she is going to want to hear is you making "Boink" with someone else..

Iris_Blue

Mojisola wrote: »

I think you've been very wise to call a halt to things. I know a girl who knew she should call the wedding off and couldn't do it. She said she walked down the aisle saying to herself "This is a mistake, this is a mistake". The marriage didn't last and was a lot messier to get out of than calling off the ceremony would have been.

This happened to my brother...they split 6 weeks after the wedding.He walked out and left everything. That was because of her behaviour too.

Paul, I think you've been very sensible about it all. It does take guts to do something like that and it's nice if you can be on speaking terms with her. Even though it doesn't always turn out that way, it could get nasty between you but hopefully it won't

I have nothing constructive to add, just wanted to say good luck and the sooner the venue is paid then it's done and dusted with and you can move on.

sexylulubelle

Is there any underlying issues OP, why you called things off??, you seem like a really reasonable person, but perhaps you are being too nice to a person you no longer want to spend the rest of your life with, I dont know the circumstances, but if your ex fiancee is a really understanding person, she would make a effort and try and pay off some of the bills, if she refuses well, thats up to you but that just tells me she's taking you for a ride? business or no business!!!!

Person_one

I think its important to try and put yourself in her shoes.

She was about to get married, in just a few weeks. She had a partner, a budding new business, a home and a future, maybe children in the next few years?

Now, overnight, that's all gone. It takes a long time to get over that completely, and it will be very raw for a good while yet.

If you kick her out her business is as good as dead, she'll lose the children she has to other childminders and word of mouth will spread that she let people down at the last minute. Do you want to cripple her livelihood?

Of course you did the right thing by ending it, it can't have been easy but it isn't easy for her either. While you say her behaviour is the reason, unless she's done something very clear cut like cheat or kill your cat then I'm pretty sure both of you have contributed to the death of the relationship.

You should pay the venue. You were going to pay for it anyway, so why would that suddenly change?

She should be contributing to the bills, but bear in mind that the less she saves each month towards a rental deposit etc. the longer she stays in your house. Weigh up whether it makes more sense to take no money from her but give her a deadline to be out by, I think two months is reasonable considering that she has to find new business premises as well as a home so that will make it harder.

Best of luck for getting your life back on track, hopefully you can both look back in a year and be happy with the way things turned out.

TBeckett100

Well done for having a pair of balls and doing the right thing.

The venue will have to wait for their money. Maybe put a local ad in the paper for the date...

the hotel will have to take you to the small claims and will issue a summons in joint names, this may spur her on to pay, but at any rate, the process takes a few months which will buy you more time to pay... it.depends if the hotel will pursue you.

you have been a man once, now tell her to go. dont get her to help with the mortgage and be grateful she hasnt otherwise you may have to pay her off. point out the house is yours and you would like your bed