Split up with fiance, called off wedding, now venue wants £1600 cancellation fee help

Gigervamp

paulthe6th wrote: »

Now she's got a 3rd child on the books she's looking at a grand a month (3rd child just started today).

Oh great! I feel sorry for the parents of that child.

Taadaa

Better to split now than after the wedding!

She can stay and pay her way, or she can leave.

There is no doubt she is in a difficult position because she has lost her home and her income. To my mind as she has more to lose, she should be a bit more reasonable.

sassyblue

You're being a pushover, you should get the ring back AND half her wages for rent, heat, lighting etc whilst she's living there and running a business.

I know you're upset but £1600 is cheap to get rid of her. What a nerve!

Caroline_a

I think you need to set up a spreadsheet with all the facts and figures on it for her. If she is unwilling to pay half of the costs, then tell her that she needs to move out by, say, the end of the month. If she wants to continue to run the business from YOUR home, then the rental for that will be (say half the mortgage).

I know you called it all off, but she has to move on too, and by sponging off you that really isn't the best way!

Acc72

paulthe6th wrote: »

I can find the money if I absolutely have to, as £3500 for a big day with food and drink and staff wages etc. to pay for is fine, but £1600 for absolutely nothing, I'd see more benefit chucking it off the top of a tall building..

Assuming that you signed a contract then it looks as though you are snookered - the best you can hope for is to propose a payment plan to spread the costs.

Don't forget that you are cancelling just 6 weeks before the event - the venue are not gaining £1,600 but actually losing out on £1,900.

In the meantime, I would agree with the others who suggest retrieving the ring and charging your ex rent.

It might seem a lot now, but you may look back in the future and think that this was a small price to pay !!

floss2

GobbledyGook wrote: »

...It's not £1600 for nothing though - it's £1600 to mitigate the venues losses because they've lost a whole weddings income. Since you were booked they couldn't 'sell' the day to anyone else. Ask them about what happens if they rebook the date and if they do any sort of advertising to let people know your date is now available.

Also, it's £1600 to break off the relationship now, which will be cheaper than a divorce in a few years time.

paulthe6th wrote: »

on the childminding front, it's all above board, ofsted registerred NCMA insured, qualified, HSE, self assessment, book keeping etc. the works: it's all above board.

She's been saying she's really worried that I'm going to change my mind in 2 weeks time and tell her to get out, at which point she won't be able to make a living and then she'll be in trouble. I've told her we haven't fallen out and there's no pressure from me to make her leave, but I genuinely 100% cannot afford the mortgage (£777.89 a month) the gas/electric (£120/month) water (£40/month) council tax (£127/month) virgin media (£45-50 a month) and then this whopping great £1600 bill on my own.

If she's not willing to try & contribute to the financial upkeep and the wedding bill then I really won't have a choice but to get a lodger in and divert all the lodger's money to help pay for all this stuff..

You should be giving her notice to find new business premises. I guess a reasonable time is 1 month - 2 months at most. Also, if she objects, tell her you need to find a lodger to cover your costs for cancelling the wedding - but not hers.

Re the ring - if she thinks she can get several hundred pounds, then let her....she won't get much at the pawn shop or an Ebay.

thegirlintheattic

For the costs of the venue - you were going to pay for it and you canceled the wedding - so you pay. Simples.

That's not to say she shouldn't pay rent.

ticktack_2

I think the upset you're no doubt feeling over the end of the relationship is clouding your view of the finances.

1. You were going to pay for the wedding, and you're the one who has cancelled it, so you should pay for the cancellation.

2. You gave her the ring. Unless you got her to sign a contract promising to give it back if the wedding was called off (even if it was you that called it off), it's hers.

3. She shouldn't be running her business from your home, and shouldn't be living there. You definitely shouldn't be sleeping on the floor. Ask her to leave. The problems it may cause her are no longer your concern if you're no longer her partner.

YoungBaker

Only thing I will add is that although you may feel you are throwing away 1600 for nothing - and obviously you are in a way, but ultimately you have paid that for having the reservation of your date (which is very peak season) for so long. Ultimately I am sure there will be many other unhappy couples who will be gutted you couldn't have gotten your date and obviously the company isn't going to just write that potential business off (who maybe could even have had more guests etc there) for nothing because you and your fiance are no longer together...

paulthe6th

there seem to be a lot of people who are saying I'm a bad person and I'm horrible for what I've "done to my fiance" over the last week (especially people who know us in person etc.)

I'll just point out my mental health has deteriorated over the past couple of months because of all this and it actually takes a lot of considered thought, not to mention the bottle, to stand there and say "excuse me everyone, sorry to ruin your big day and your free dinner but I'm about to make the biggest mistake of my life which could end up in a costly divorce or a life time of misery, so sorry for the inconvenience but I'm stopping everything right now"... (especially after jokes from the mother in law that my fiance would get half the house if we ever split... gold digging??)

so for everyone who thinks I've cut it a bit fine, yes I could have probably done something sooner and I'm sorry it's so late in the day, but when you get all these nutty wedding women going on about "its just normal pre-wedding jitters" when in actual fact it's major doubts over the whole thing and you want to throw up everytime someone mentions the wedding, it does take a great deal of courage to stop pleasing people for their own benefit and actually stand up for how you feel. I am sorry that I've broken her heart, that people have booked hotel rooms and bought wedding outfits, but this is my life and my future. I'm not going to be a spectator watch it go the complete opposite way to how I would like.

Thank you to everyone for the constructive posts, she has offered to put £200-£300 in the pot as that's all she can afford right now. I need a lot more than that but I'm not going to cut my nose off for the sake of it. I also don't want to prolong this estimated 8 week period of finding somewhere new for her to live because it means neither of us can move forwards in the mean time. We are still on good speaking terms and we have gotten on quite well over the last 48 hours, so there's no point chucking a social hand grenade in and making life difficult for both of us.

And yes, £1600 now is a lot cheaper than a future divorce. I've realised there is no shame to be found in changing your mind. If you don't do a u-turn every once in a while you will eventually end up going the wrong way.

I've emailed the venue to tell them we'll settle the balance by 2nd June and thanked them for all their efforts.