Mother from hell now has cancer.....

GotToChange

londonsurrey wrote: »

I'm very glad to be of some comfort, GTC. I've lived variations of these things, been gutted at discovering what I thought were carefully loved and nurtured family were actually hollow "floorshow" facades, etc.

I feel your pain, the betrayal of trust, the outrage, the !!!!!! they can't really be playing such a meaningless charade, can they? And sadly, oh yes, they can really be that superficial.

I feel that, in addition to thanks, I should send you too a ((hug)) - and again more thanks for seeing the situation from my point of view but also in intelligent and yet compassionate manner.

I am very tired now so typing.making sense is difficult - please feel released from discussion this evening... I am logging off and heading to dreamland.

Warm wishes.
x

londonsurrey

Excellent. Warm milk, snuggle down and I wish you cosy dreams.

*over and out*

faerie~spangles

GotToChange wrote: »

faerie~spangles, ouch....
(...but, she called you, mine never would)
See, I hate that I am envious of even genuinely troubled genuine relationships. And I am sorry that she died without your issues being resolved; it is such a shame that this happens and that people miss out on aspects of life that can be truly fulfilling.



(As an aside, may I just say that I am with you with the BBT quote .... I watched that episode the other night and it does make me :rotfl::rotfl:.)

You missed the point of my post OR I didn't make it clear, she rarely called me, and when she did it was prefaced with; "this is your mother"

My issues with her were resolved in that last phone call. I let rip and told her what I thought, felt and knew to be my truth.

GotToChange

robster1964 wrote: »

It's an email from someone, who doesn't have the time to email, but thinks that they maybe should try... I truly understand that... Sometimes, if you run your own business, you lose perspective... You don't have time to deal with family, feelings... You don't have the time to think about yourself... It's a tough life, too...There is no 9-5, and having evenings and weekends chilling(and time to think!) if you run a business (just saying!) x

Good take on it robster - but not true in that instance. Without the preceding and following emails, you cannot see the context - I was a bit daft to put it on here for that reason.

To elaborate, that email was particularly mean as - during the lunch we had in 2010 - he had extracted from me my wish list for a dream life - and implied that he and I would go into business in the S of France (not wild boar though) - instead, there he was, rubbing my nose in the fcat that he is doing it "for"/with my half-brother "instead".

This was not the first time he has strung me along like a fool; he is full of false promises - and I have yet to fail to be taken in my it.

You are nice to put a more pleasant slant on my father's behaviour.

GotToChange

faerie~spangles wrote: »

You missed the point of my post OR I didn't make it clear, she rarely called me, and when she did it was prefaced with; "this is your mother"

My issues with her were resolved in that last phone call. I let rip and told her what I thought, felt and knew to be my truth.

Sorry, I did didn't I?
Blame tiredness.
Isn't it such a shame that that is how she would start the call - and that she would hardly ever call. I don't get it.
Sorry for the one downmanship.

faerie~spangles

GotToChange wrote: »

Sorry, I did didn't I?
Blame tiredness.
Isn't it such a shame that that is how she would start the call - and that she would hardly ever call. I don't get it.
Sorry for the one downmanship.

The only thing I thank her for was/is:

I parented my kids by doing the exact opposite of what she did :T

BTW, I so wish someone would buy me a tiara:rotfl:

robster1964

Oh babe, my thoughts are with you... One thing tho? Don't you realise. How intelligent you are? You have the answer to this in the palm of your hands.... X sleep x

missprice

GotToChange wrote: »

faerie~spangles, ouch....
(...but, she called you, mine never would)
See, I hate that I am envious of even genuinely troubled genuine relationships. And I am sorry that she died without your issues being resolved; it is such a shame that this happens and that people miss out on aspects of life that can be truly fulfilling.
Lol I still think you did not quite grasp the point of that post.
No matter what FS did she would never have resolved the issues. so mother dying just made no difference cos if mother still alive there would still be issues.
maybe it is a shame but you can have other fulfilling aspects just none that involve mothers.


(As an aside, may I just say that I am with you with the BBT quote .... I watched that episode the other night and it does make me :rotfl::rotfl:.)

whats BBT?
and boy you all stayed up late last night

silvercar

faerie~spangles wrote: »

The only thing I thank her for was/is:

I parented my kids by doing the exact opposite of what she did :T

A friend, who had the mother from hell, said that her mother's death allowed her to grieve for the mother she should of had as well as the mother she did have. She realised after the mother had died that she had spent too much time on a relationship that was damaging to herself and her children and she should have let go sooner.

GotToChange

missprice wrote: »

whats BBT?
and boy you all stayed up late last night

I agree with what you say about being able to have fulfilling lives w/o a mother or a mother's love - but (to me at least - and yes, it can be self-sabotage), sometimes parental love - or more to the point - deliberate witholding of love, interest, communication etc etc (and/or it being just plain disappointing when there is any communication) can underpin a lot of things, not least our own characters and ability to be a good mother (an element of "despite" our own background rather than "because of"...).

When I have been asked quite why I devote any thought to them whatsoever, I answer that "this" is what I have instead of a (good/any) relationship with them. I did my utmost to prevent it trickling through to the next (my/daughters') generation. And I am sure that many people with mother and/or father issues have done the same. It is something in life that has to be overcome and the absolute opposite of having decent parents; it is like going through life with a huge weight on your back that it takes immense effort to heave off.




BBT is The Big Bang Theory and the quote re. the tiara is a rather hilarious scene when the most bookish girl you can imagine is given some bling by her even more bookish "boyfriend". She does an abslute u-turn when she opens the box - every girl wants a tiara.
*whispers* - I have been known to put my wedding tiara on on (a very rare) occasion. It took five years for my xH to hand it over - cannot imagine why he would want it.....
The show is not for everyone - but I love it (unless I watch more than two espisodes back-to-back).