Mother from hell now has cancer.....

GotToChange

spirit wrote: »

I would imagine that ITV would only want to show their success stories, for every one that ends up this way I should imagine there are 2 more that don't.

I'm in my early fifties and when I was conceived, I think that it wasn't so much of a choice that you and I had whether to become parents or not. My NM had 3 of us, my elder sister is 18 months older than me and then my younger sister is 8 years younger. NM and dad had a stormy relationship and I often remember physical fights between them. I guess there must have been a lull in that which resulted in YS (and I'm glad she came along since we are now very close)

You are quite right about them showing success stories (and I do have some reservtaions about what passes for entertainment these days.....) and the poor and sad outcomes no so much.

I am the same generation as you and totally understand that it was sometimes necessary to go through with an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy in those days. I know that I certainly was the only reason that my parents - at just 18 - got married at all. But they were SUCH a bad match, why have more - the third one born after my father had gone (but his child....)? And then (this is the petulant, jealous child in me) - have even more? I am one of nine children* (I think *checks on fingers*) - but was brought up as an only child - and it is the sibling relationship/unity (haha) that i yearn for more than that of a mother and/or father.

You are so very lucky to have that, even if it doesn't make up for the NM.



*Don't see any of them.

Boots888

GotToChange wrote: »

I don't think she actually would have told me - she did say that she "only" told me so that I couldn;t say that she hadn't (?) Apparently, there is a letter that is mow not going to be sent to me - and I doubt it ever would have been....

The letter is just as cruel, so she was going to leave you an explanation giving possible reasons she's made you feel so bad throughout your life - but pulled out of that too as she's not going to send it

I am "off the hook" in terms of any kind of help or care; and quite how I would have been able to help her with good grace is another question.

Good point

I am sure that if I made any attempt to clear up current/past issues, I would be given short shrift/shown the door (I was thrown out of her house when I raised an eyebrow at the colour of my half-sister's kitchen; she said that I had only gone to cause an argument *sigh*) - I am sure that I will never get the chance now - and I have to be OK with that.

Maybe you have to let it go now before the illness really sets in and anymore hurtful words are said to you. You'll be OK with whatever happens as you'll have to be - but best be prepared you are wholly ready to let everything go.

GotToChange

Boots888 wrote: »

Maybe you have to let it go now before the illness really sets in and anymore hurtful words are said to you. You'll be OK with whatever happens as you'll have to be - but best be prepared you are wholly ready to let everything go.

As I understand it, I don;' think the letter would have been so very heartfelt - probably just to tell me of the lc - and that I was not get involved - and maybe why....

The only reason (and I am no saint about this) that I have to let everything - which in the main, is my hope of a decent relationship based "in the now" - go is because I don't feel that I can do it to her - now - or ever could.

She has been downright evil to me; and now that it is out in the open, I don't think she would try to rein it back at all. So, combined with thinking of her feelings at the present time (and now on, I guess), I am to an extent, thinking of the amount of battering my spirit can take before her hatefulness triggers something dreadful in me.

Boots888

GotToChange wrote: »

As I understand it, I don;' think the letter would have been so very heartfelt - probably just to tell me of the lc - and that I was not get involved - and maybe why....

The only reason (and I am no saint about this) that I have to let everything - which in the main, is my hope of a decent relationship based "in the now" - go is because I don't feel that I can do it to her - now - or ever could.

She has been downright evil to me; and now that it is out in the open, I don't think she would try to rein it back at all. So, combined with thinking of her feelings at the present time (and now on, I guess), I am to an extent, thinking of the amount of battering my spirit can take before her hatefulness triggers something dreadful in me.

Well you don't sound dreadful to me at all, just very upset she won't reconcile with you even now she's dying and thats completley understandable and heartbreaking.

There are other threads on here with terrible relations between mother and daughter, it's not uncommon.

I lost my Mum to lung cancer, she was my best friend. I moved in to look after her 6 months before she died. Doctors told her she had Sciattica (bad back). I constantly fought with the GP as she was getting worse. She was diagnosed when she went for scans as an outpatient, they kept her in and transfered her to a specialist hospital for treatment. This was far too late and she died 3 weeks later in a lot of pain. She was 63.

I've never got over the blow of it all. I fought for 3 years after her death to get an admissioin by her GP's that they refered her far too late, given her symtoms and - got nowhere.

Her death was the most awful thing to happen and only now (6 years on) can I think about her and how much love we had for eachother.

I'm sorry you didn't experience the same love from your Mum and hope you have lots of love now in your life from others.

londonsurrey

My neighbour was born to her parents late in their life. When she started trying for a baby, she resigned herself to spending years of non-conception, assuming that there was a good chance of following her mother's experience.

She got pregnant almost immediately.
She voiced her surprise to her mother.
Whereupon she was told that actually, her parents had been married to other people before, and her mother had had four sons, and her father two sons.

These two people had abandoned SIX children, and merrily went on to create and raise a single child who did not find out about the others until she was 30! The mind boggles as to the actual day-to-day nuances and nastiness of such people.

GotToChange

Boots888 wrote: »

Well you don't sound dreadful to me at all, just very upset she won't reconcile with you even now she's dying and thats completley understandable and heartbreaking.

There are other threads on here with terrible relations between mother and daughter, it's not uncommon.

I lost my Mum to lung cancer, she was my best friend. I moved in to look after her 6 months before she died. Doctors told her she had Sciattica (bad back). I constantly fought with the GP as she was getting worse. She was diagnosed when she went for scans as an outpatient, they kept her in and transfered her to a specialist hospital for treatment. This was far too late and she died 3 weeks later in a lot of pain. She was 63.

I've never got over the blow of it all. I fought for 3 years after her death to get an admissioin by her GP's that they refered her far too late, given her symtoms and - got nowhere.

Her death was the most awful thing to happen and only now (6 years on) can I think about her and how much love we had for eachother.

I'm sorry you didn't experience the same love from your Mum and hope you have lots of love now in your life from others.

Oh God - that is such a terrible terrible shame.

I wonder if it must hurt more to lose someone who you have loved so much and who has loved, and been a friend to, you.

I am unclear about my mother's future - and do wish I could "be there" in some way. But I am wasting my emotions on that.

It must though be terrible to watch a loved one suffer - to an extent - needlessly; I feel for you.

GotToChange

londonsurrey wrote: »

My neighbour was born to her parents late in their life. When she started trying for a baby, she resigned herself to spending years of non-conception, assuming that there was a good chance of following her mother's experience.

She got pregnant almost immediately.
She voiced her surprise to her mother.
Whereupon she was told that actually, her parents had been married to other people before, and her mother had had four sons, and her father two sons.

These two people had abandoned SIX children, and merrily went on to create and raise a single child who did not find out about the others until she was 30! The mind boggles as to the actual day-to-day nuances and nastiness of such people.

Yikes! It IS mind-boggling! It simply does not compute in my mind....
....although maybe I am my mind is warped (shaped) by my experiences - as is the same for all of us. But as I have mentioned before, for all that my relationship with my duaghter is ruined - she can at least know that she has never bee supplanted/replaced or otherwise overshadowed by my having other children...
...childish as it must seem, that is something that lingers, I'm afraid to say.