Homelessness at 34 weeks pregnant?

daska

But she has obviously made some effort to try to sort it out. The BF losing his job decimated their savings but he's got back out there and she's not exactly sat around doing nothing, she has actually bothered to apply for housing, if she were a total waste of space she might have decided that they'd just turn up at the housing office on the day without bothering to ring them first. And if the BF is working full time then he's not there to help when she's trying to talk with the various authorities, letting agents etc, half of getting what you need is working out what questions you need to ask or what info you need to provide and phrasing it all the correct way so as not to rub people's backs up - obviously not the OP's strong point.

If she'd come on here ranting about how unreasonable it was that she wasn't moving straight into a fully furnished 3 bed, then fair enough, but actually an hour and a half from the hospital when you're this far gone would worry many first time mums, an hour and a half each way (?not checked her post) for the BF to commute is a huge chunk of the day and their income, the stairs with SPD isn't going to be fun. And, TBH, finding out how to rent your first place is daunting even when you're older, first time I rented a place myself was when I was 40+ and heavily pregnant, at 18 I think I would have struggled.

duchy

Not sure where Daska got the "They should have had a termination" from -I don't see anyone saying that !

Frankly the OP has come on here posting how she couldn't be bothered with the effort to find somewhere to live so has decided to leave it to the council-and then moan she didn't like what they have found her for now.

Perhaps she assumed "all homeless Mums get a flat just by snapping their fingers" a common misconception-and as for her Mum -she did mention earlier the relationship wasn't good-but also mentioned her BFs parents didn't like her much-so perhaps she isn't good at getting on with people.

I can't see one positive thing she has done so I totally understand why people are been blunt-she needs a wake up call (and it did cross my mind that perhaps sitting back and expecting everyone else to provide is what peed off the BFs parents too)

She was advised to contact Shelter earlier today but I see no post saying she has even tried to contact them-so it would seem she's still sitting on her bum. As for the distance from the hospital-she's in London for heavens sake -it's simply a matter of transferring care to the nearest hospital (which won't be 1.5 hours away-London is hardly short of hospitals) -and frankly I think it's crazy irresponsible not to have made that a priority -unless she's still thinking that if she moans enough she'll be moved back to her original area.

duchy

moneypuddle wrote: »

I agree but I think its also reasonable to expect at 18 her and her boyfriend should take responsibility and start to sort their situation out instead of thinking its too much effort

Isn't this the crux of the matter -even coming here she's abdicating responsibility instead of making an effort.

Had when she was advised to contact Shelter she had come back and said "I've rung them and we have an appointment/They have advised us to do X,Y and Z" I think people would have felt differently-but no she just came back and moaned some more <shrug>

18 is a funny age-either you've chosen to extend childhood, stay in education and still be a "child" in a family..........or you want to take on a fully adult role but the responsibilities that come with that make for a steep learning curve.

Four_leaf_clover_2

OP I wish you all the best for the arrival of your baby and the future. You dont mention your own parents or other members of your family.

Please dont take this the wrong way, but is there anyone around you, who with a little more life experience, could support and guide you and your OH through this time?

Whether the baby was planned or not is nobodys business but yours. At 18 facing becoming a mum, finding accomodation, thinking about how to raise a newborn baby and run a home are all very daunting prospects. I would have crumbled at that age if faced with such responsibility.

Do contact shelter about your concerns regarding housing. When the baby arrives take lots of suppport and advice from your health visitor. Good luck hun.

daska

duchy wrote: »

Isn't this the crux of the matter -even coming here she's abdicating responsibility instead of making an effort.

Had when she was advised to contact Shelter she had come back and said "I've rung them and we have an appointment/They have advised us to do X,Y and Z" I think people would have felt differently-but no she just came back and moaned some more <shrug>

18 is a funny age-either you've chosen to extend childhood, stay in education and still be a "child" in a family..........or you want to take on a fully adult role but the responsibilities that come with that make for a steep learning curve.

Actually I think the crux of the matter is probably the "steep learning curve". I don't get the feeling that the OP knows how to manage a budget or cook or indeed has the first clue about a lot of things. But she's 34 weeks pregnant, obviously not relishing going into B&B and chances are that on top of the SPD she's got heartburn and is feeling pretty exhausted and bored of being a whale (that's certainly how I and most of the mums I know have felt at that point). If she knows she hasn't used the time she's had as wisely as she should have, which I suspect is the case, then it's likely she's also feeling bad about that - but it's unlikely that she'd admit it on here, she's 18 not 38 LOL

(As for the termination comment, no, no-one came out and said it but there were a couple of comments where I wondered whether it was what was in the poster's mind. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't but... that's the problem with forums, different people read the same words in different ways.)

coolcait

OP, you express yourself in a very mature and articulate way for an 18 year old.

You have the ability to research your 'rights' and the Council's 'responsibilities'.

You have been given a lot of good advice on this thread, if you care to take it.

So, you are extremely well-placed to put forward a coherent, articulate and maturely worded request for accommodation which is appropriate for your current physical condition; closer to your BF's workplace - to 'facilitate' him keeping his employment; and - as a lower priority - closer to the place where you have been receiving antenatal care.

If you want to change the situation, only you can do something about it. Or your BF.

raven83

j.e.j. wrote: »

You don't know some of the people on here, then, do you :rotfl:

No, but seriously, some posters have actually offered constructive advice. Granted, others seem to just want to use your post as an opportunity for finger-wagging, self-righteousness, and to vent their spleen about teenaged parents and the 'unfair' system.

I hope things work out for you. You do sound quite mature for an 18-year-old, tbh.

I actually laughed out loud reading this post, you are so right though what you say about finger wagging, self righteousness people, so qucik to jump on the " too young to have a baby" bandwagon :rotfl:

koalamummy

raven83 wrote: »

I actually laughed out loud reading this post, you are so right though what you say about finger wagging, self righteousness people, so qucik to jump on the " too young to have a baby" bandwagon :rotfl:

Yet I am guessing that a good proportion of said posters feel no shame at all in holding their hands out for their "entitlements" from the DWP pot! :rotfl:

OP I hope everything goes well for the remainder of your pregnancy and that you find somewhere suitable to live soon.

robpw2

raven83 wrote: »

I actually laughed out loud reading this post, you are so right though what you say about finger wagging, self righteousness people, so qucik to jump on the " too young to have a baby" bandwagon :rotfl:

i am just speaking the truth , i have offered my suggestions of applying for a deposit from the scheme set up to help people with giving pvt housing but i also cannot sit here and let her think its going to be a bed of roses.
she clearly is too young to have a baby but she is having one so know needs to start growing up because she will go from being looked after to needing to look after 3 people and its no easy task , what i don't want for her ,is for social services to have to come and tae the child away because her and her bf are unable to look after it - if this makes me a finger wagging self righteous person so be it

FBaby

What I find so sad its that 2 18 years old could find themselves homeless because their parents want nothing to do with them. Ok they might have been acting a bit spoiled and yes they chose to get pregnant as in they would have known how to prevent it but they are not bad kids and are trying to do what is right he is working she's at college they are trying to save money. What they need more than anything else is guidance and their parents should be the ones providing it. It is one thing to tell them they can't stay in the house it's another to leave them on their own to get on with it. No matter how annoyed and disappointed I was with my daughter how much I would want her to learn about the reality of life I could never abandon her and let her stay in a grotty b&b miles away in her state.