Homelessness at 34 weeks pregnant?

Swans1912

jellyhead wrote: »

Because they were 17 and that's what parents are for!!

I am assuming that the baby was unplanned, which can happen to anyone. It happened to me when I was 24 despite using contraception.

All of you being harsh to her, what do you think she should have done, had an abortion? That's why we have a welfare state here, so that people in these circumstances are able to keep their baby rather than having no option but adoption or termination.

I can't imagine not supporting my child if there was an unplanned pregnancy. The reason these kids are hoping for council accommodation is because their parents have failed them! Her partner's parents have a double room empty!!

I disagree entirely with the part in bold. It's taking advantage in expecting everyone else to pick up the pieces.

The OP hasn't specified the reason for the pregnancy but as someone else has posted, and using myself as an example, I've been using contraception for over 10 years now and haven't found myself pregnant - must be luck eh?

jellyhead

I've had 2 unplanned pregnancies - none since I got a mirena coil though. So maybe that's why I have some sympathy with people in the same situation.

Maybe she should be independent at 18, I just know that my parents were there for me when I needed them at 18 (they brought me back home when I was in an abusive relationship) and I hope I would provide a roof for my children if necessary.

We were talking today about my 15 year old, I think he'll be happy to move out soon - but I'd take him back in if he needed it, that's the difference. I don't understand the reasoning of these parents of these 18 year olds - I suppose they just expect the state to step up?

Suspiria

jellyhead wrote: »

Because they were 17 and that's what parents are for!!

I am assuming that the baby was unplanned, which can happen to anyone. It happened to me when I was 24 despite using contraception.

All of you being harsh to her, what do you think she should have done, had an abortion? That's why we have a welfare state here, so that people in these circumstances are able to keep their baby rather than having no option but adoption or termination.

I can't imagine not supporting my child if there was an unplanned pregnancy. The reason these kids are hoping for council accommodation is because their parents have failed them! Her partner's parents have a double room empty!!

They are either adult or child,not both when it suits them. They where adult enough to have se x and create a baby,they should have thought about the conequences. They cant have it both ways.

Swans1912

jellyhead wrote: »

I've had 2 unplanned pregnancies - none since I got a mirena coil though. So maybe that's why I have some sympathy with people in the same situation.

Maybe she should be independent at 18, I just know that my parents were there for me when I needed them at 18 (they brought me back home when I was in an abusive relationship) and I hope I would provide a roof for my children if necessary.

We were talking today about my 15 year old, I think he'll be happy to move out soon - but I'd take him back in if he needed it, that's the difference. I don't understand the reasoning of these parents of these 18 year olds - I suppose they just expect the state to step up?

No, they expect them to get on with it and step up when they've created a situation for themselves. When life throws you lemons you make lemonade, not insist someone else makes you a cup. They are the ones having sex, it is THEIR responsibility.

Taadaa

Come off it - people are staying at home for longer and longer these days. Because it is tough out there. You don't stop being a parent when your child reaches 18. A girl.pregnant at 17 and chucked out at 18 and isn't failed by her parents? O beg to differ.They are within their rights to chuck them out, however. The op has other issues going on, she has already said she didnt quite mean how the bold comment a few posts up sounded. I think she is realising for herself the world isn't sugar coated, and it isn't going to get any easier for her..it's easy to make these comments when you have come out the other side and lived to tell the tale.

Swans1912

Taadaa wrote: »

Come off it - people are staying at home for longer and longer these days. Because it is tough out there. You don't stop being a parent when your child reaches 18. A girl.pregnant at 17 and chucked out at 18 and isn't failed by her parents? O beg to differ.They are within their rights to chuck them out, however. The op has other issues going on, she has already said she didnt quite mean how the bold comment a few posts up sounded. I think she is realising for herself the world isn't sugar coated, and it isn't going to get any easier for her..it's easy to make these comments when you have come out the other side and lived to tell the tale.

I must have missed the part where the OP said she had been thrown out by her parents.

She hasn't been failed by her parents, she's failed herself and is doing very little to help herself.

moneypuddle

My two cents for what they are worth.... anyone can fall pregnant. Unless you are absolutely abstaining nothing is 100% effective, and I feel for anyone that finds themselves unexpectedly pregnant. I am 16 weeks pregnant at the minute, and although completely planned, it has really taken some getting my head round, so how you cope when its unplanned or unexpected I dont know.

However I have to agree that you dont seem to have bothered to make a lot of effort to change your situation over the last few weeks, and that is just crazy to me. Why not do absolutely everything that you can, instead of thinking its ' too much effort' (your words!). How can anything be too much effort for YOUR BABY?! That just astounds me. Dont you want him or her to brought up in as nice as surroundings as is physically possible?

Why is your boyfriend not being more supportive? Is he aware you're worried about the situation? If not, what the hell is wrong with him? In fact I'm not sure you are even stressing? You just seem to be more !!!!ed off about what you have been offered and thinking its not good enough.

It took OH and I and a year to save up for a baby (and we're not even there yet!) and although we have our own home, and full time jobs I am so worried about how we will cope, so if I was you I would have to turn my desperation into motivation, and not just grumbling about what I am being offered. I dont think any baby should suffer, and I dont know how it SHOULD be done, but I completely disagree with people being given a flat just because they decided to go a certain way with their life. I think life should be made difficult, ie living in a BnB if thats what it takes, so people dont see it as a sure fire way to get themselves a flat. I'm not saying thats what you INTENDED to do, but its the outcome you seem to want now.

daska

If this were a couple aged 13 would people still be saying "if you're adult enough to have sex, you're adult enough to find yourself somewhere to live"? Sex isn't about being adult, it's about being hormonal.

Sometimes people who really want children spend years trying to get pregnant (yes, I did). Sometimes people have sex once and find the contraceptive method failed (yes, I did). The mirena coil is effective and popular - but not everyone believes that all women should have to be pumped full of hormones in order to expunge every vestige of risk of unplanned pregnancy.

It's very easy to sit at our PC's and say: contraception always works for me or you should have had a termination or I had it far worse and look how great I am. But whilst coming over as a tad lacking in gumption she's not come on here saying that her BF is going to have to give up work if they have to move into the B&B an hour and a half away. She's not asked us for lists of other benefits she can claim.

I think the OP is somewhat immature - hardly surprising given that she's 18, IME a lot of 18 year olds are somewhat immature. But as a couple they're obviously not totally committed to living off benefits, the BF works and when he lost his job he worked hard at getting another - who knows what a 'good wage' is in the OP's estimation, he might be doing 15 hours a week on minimum wage given that I doubt she has much grasp of the reality of utility bills. Yes the OP has decided not to look for work while pregnant, but TBH was she really likely to find any? We're not living in a time of low unemployment and she has a large bump which, despite laws to the contrary, will influence those who have the power to choose which applicants they employ.

She's also close to becoming a first time parent, remember that, how worried you were about doing everything right. Some people believe that the right thing for a mum to do is not work and, rightly or wrongly according to personal opinion, our benefits system supports that as a choice.

And she's in pain, we don't know to what degree, but anyone who's had SPD/PGP/whatever you want to call it knows that even a mild case makes life very difficult. It should ease substantially as her hormones sort themselves out but for the moment it's not good.

Just for once, imagine you're 18 again, heavily pregnant, in pain and having to find somewhere else to live. Is it really unreasonable for her to feel that maybe, just maybe, if the system is in place and the law says this is how it should work, then that's what she might reasonably expect to happen?

Why not give her the benefit of the doubt?

moneypuddle

I agree but I think its also reasonable to expect at 18 her and her boyfriend should take responsibility and start to sort their situation out instead of thinking its too much effort

thebillet

Just wanted to say I hope you have a safe and healthy birth and are comfortable in whatever surroundings you find yourself in. Placed in your position of being excluded from your mam's and his mam's I would be bricking it. When my lad was 18 I was still sewing his school badge on his blazer, badly mind you. You've had enough lectures I've got nothing to add to that side of things so have my best wishes for a successful confinement.