Mothers day and wivies

MJMum

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plumduff-2

Not read all the posts, but hers my take on it...

My OH has two kids to two other women... on Mothers day, birthdays and Xmas, he always buys the Mums cards etc for the kids to give to them...

Whilst it grates on my nerves, especially if they have nice words on them, I keep gob firmly shut - why..? Bcause as was mentioned on p1... its about the kids...

studentphil

MJMum wrote:

I think the best way for the OP's friend to deal with the situation would be to make a big fuss of his wife for mother's day. Perhaps she is young, they are newly married and she probably is a bit insecure. Perhaps it's also her first mother's day and wants to feel special. He should just reassure her that she will have a lovely mother's day, and don't worry about my elder son, I will help him to pick out a card for his mother and you don't need to worry about it? Send it home with son after a visit and move on. (Let's face it, later on in their marriage she will probably find that she is the one remembering birthdays and special occasions because men are (sometimes) not that good at it. )

2nd wife child is just over a year old so she has had one mothers day.

They have not been married long so you could be right.

studentphil

helen_caslass wrote:

its shocking that this woman should make it all about her... he had the child when they got together the child id much more likely to be well adjusted if his parents have a good relationship. does the ex buy him a fathers day card from his son? if he gets a card fine buy the mother a card if he gets a card and gift buy her the same, just because she doesnt have a new partner does not mean she should miss out on a day that thanks her for bringing new life into the world, all mothers should get something on mothers day be it bought by the child the ex or her herself (esp if single mum who has nothing to do with father)

Thanks, I have no idea if she buys him anything atFathers day.
I agree all mums should get something on Mothers day.

studentphil

plumduff-2 wrote:

Not read all the posts, but hers my take on it...

My OH has two kids to two other women... on Mothers day, birthdays and Xmas, he always buys the Mums cards etc for the kids to give to them...

Whilst it grates on my nerves, especially if they have nice words on them, I keep gob firmly shut - why..? Bcause as was mentioned on p1... its about the kids...

I can see where you are coming from as on cards at Mothers day you always put stuff like you are the most wonderful Mum in the world and i can see how it might hurt if your husband writes that to another woman.

kelloggs36

It really makes me sad when step parents are so insecure that they feel the need to hurt the innocent children by this sort of behaviour. if it were my partner's child, I would help the child make a card for his mum, afterall, it is about the CHILD saying thankyou to HIS mum for being so. Perhaps the father could go out with child and buy a step mum card too? The step parent cannot and should not deny the biological parent to the child because it upsets them. Too bad. They knew about the child before they got into the relationship in the first place, and must expect the child to come first in every instance because whatever has gone on between the parents, it is not the fault of the child and the child needs as normal, and as loving and stable life as possible. She needs to address her insecurities. Clearly the man is with her now, which must mean something, and acknowledging the child's mother would be seen as a very grown up, responsible and considerate thing to do which could help redeem her in the other woman's eyes if it is seen that her child is considered as an individual with their own needs, and not as an add on to the other woman. (if that makes sense)

studentphil

kelloggs36 wrote:

It really makes me sad when step parents are so insecure that they feel the need to hurt the innocent children by this sort of behaviour. if it were my partner's child, I would help the child make a card for his mum, afterall, it is about the CHILD saying thankyou to HIS mum for being so. Perhaps the father could go out with child and buy a step mum card too? The step parent cannot and should not deny the biological parent to the child because it upsets them. Too bad. They knew about the child before they got into the relationship in the first place, and must expect the child to come first in every instance because whatever has gone on between the parents, it is not the fault of the child and the child needs as normal, and as loving and stable life as possible. She needs to address her insecurities. Clearly the man is with her now, which must mean something, and acknowledging the child's mother would be seen as a very grown up, responsible and considerate thing to do which could help redeem her in the other woman's eyes if it is seen that her child is considered as an individual with their own needs, and not as an add on to the other woman. (if that makes sense)

That is a very good idea to send wife 2 a Mothers day card from son 1 as well as a card to Mum 1.

The Dad is only trying to do right by both wife 1 and 2 and both his kids at the end of the day.

MJMum

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studentphil

MJMum wrote:

Be careful! Make it a step-mother card, or a "someone special" card. Biological mums can get VERY upset if their child calls anyone else "mother".

Okay a step Mum card.

Step families are clearly very trickly to keep everyone happy.

mountainofdebt

Of course what the dad could do is go shopping with the 3 year old and give the money to the child to give to the cashier so theoretically the child will have bought the card & pressie