leaving children for 6 months

Welshwoofs

crusty_toenail wrote: »

Sadly the family unit is breaking down around us because of crazy feminists who lied to us women telling us we could have it all - but the work/home balance (esp with young children) is a nightmare.

You're going to pin the break-down of families on feminism???? :eek:
Good god. Ok - so in your opinion then women should have just shut up and stayed bare foot and pregnant and if we did have the audacity to have a career then we should have been content with lower wages for the same jobs and fewer rights.

The breakdown of family units is down to many things and having a good little SAHM doesn't necessarily equate to a harmonious household, a long-lasting marriage or perfectly behaved, well adjusted children.

Person_one

crusty_toenail wrote: »

As a mother of young children of similar ages I agree that it would be most unhealthy.

Sadly the family unit is breaking down around us because of crazy feminists who lied to us women telling us we could have it all - but the work/home balance (esp with young children) is a nightmare.

My female friends, now in their thirties with young children would love to be stay at home mums.

I'm sorry girls but we were sold a lie, and now the family unit has broken down and we have a massive problem!

Not even sure where to start on that.

You might be interested to know though that I'm one of those 'crazy feminists' and you've thanked several of my posts on this thread!

anguk

Hovel_lady wrote: »

Thousands of service personnel are routinely posted to places like Afghanistan and Iraq for months at a time.
Does this mean their families are unhealthly?

I certainly don't think their families are unhealthy but I do think it's a completely different thing. Firstly they're posted abroad they don't choose to go there and secondly in most cases with service families they were in the army before they had kids so they knew they would be away for long stretches. The kids will have been brought up with mummy or daddy often being away and it will be their way of life and normal for them.

In the OPs case, her children are used to her being at home, they're used to seeing her every day then all of a sudden she's going away for 6 months and as the OP has said herself there will be very little contact other than phone calls.

Hovel_lady

quantumleap wrote: »

I have a very good friend who has a wife and two children and has just finished a 6 month stint in Afghanistan and both he and his wife would freely admit that it has had a negative effect on the family unit. This happened because he rejoined the army after they married and had children so she found it very difficult dealing with what she perceived as him choosing to leave them. They are doing well now but it was difficult.


I think the majority of those serving and with families probably got married on the understanding that spending time away was a possibility and have no doubt prepared themselves for it.


I think to compare this with taking 6 months away from your family for hairdressing is silly really.

Why is it silly?

At the end of the day they are both just jobs.

Person_one

I have a friend with a husband in the army. She knew what she was getting into, but its not something I'd ever sign up for. She has a 1 year old now who she's more a less a single mother to and the baby hasn't bonded nearly as well to dad as he would have if dad came home every evening. She does find it a lot harder than she thought she would when they were just engaged with no kids.

There are some jobs where being away for long stretches is essential, hairdressing is not one of them.

There are times in your life when you can just up sticks on a whim and work away for 6 months, when you have primary age children is not the time.

I wouldn't go away for 6 months now because it wouldn't be fair to my dogs, never mind children!

Dontknowanymore

ognum wrote: »

I am going to go against the flow here and say that I think you should do it if your really want to.

I am saddened that some people here believe a head stylist on a cruise ship is not a career worth progressing. If it will give you a step up in your career then it is important.

You know your children and your husband, I am sure you would not even consider it if you felt it would be detrimental to your children. I believe it is important for our children to understand that work is an important part of life and perusing your career is for them as well as for you.

My belief has always been that children should be given 'roots and wings' we should not hold them back with our needs and the same applies to parents. You will give them emotional strength and an understanding that love and understanding doesn't just have to be here and now but also from a distance. Think of all the interesting things you will have to talk with the about.

Talk with them about how you feel and ask how they feel. Sometimes we need to do something for ourselves and loving ourselves is part of loving others.

Have fun!

Totally agree with this! x

aliasojo

What a difficult situation.

If you'd asked me this 10 years ago, my answer would definitely have been 'don't go', stay with the kids. However I'm not so sure it's as clear cut as that now.

Being a parent is important. But so is being a person in your own right.

Reagardless of the job, or anyone else's views, all you should consider is how the people involved would feel. Then consider how you would feel if you did not take this opportunity.

Consider also what would happen if your husband started off positively but the reality meant he got fed up of a cold bed and only having kids to share the house with.

I don't envy your dilemma.

faerie~spangles

I wonder how much research the OP has done re' her dream job?

Does she realise that her life onboard will be nothing like that of the paying guests? She may never set foot in any of the ports.

Is she prepared to be at the beck and call of her superiors?

Will she have the funds in place to come home if there is a family emergency (accidents do happen)?

quantumleap

Hovel_lady wrote: »

Why is it silly?

At the end of the day they are both just jobs.

Just want to point out that I'm not wanting to suggest your opinion is any less valid than mine. On reflection my use of the word "silly" was perhaps not the way to say how I felt.


However, I don't think they can be described as "both just jobs". The reality is that most people serving in the military will do so from a young age and therefore when they marry, the person they marry will know that it is likely at some point that their spouse will be required to spend many months away from the family home. This is something that they get the chance to buy into from the beginning, the kids are brought up knowing that mummy or daddy is a soldier and as such might have to spend 6 months away.


My friends 10 year old disabled son is very proud of his Dad, he knew when his Dad resigned that it was possible he would have to go away and he was prepared for this for almost 18 months. How do you explain that from a hair dressing point of view?

Person_one

aliasojo wrote: »

Being a parent is important. But so is being a person in your own right.

Do you have to do every single thing you ever want to do in order to be your own person? If you ever have slight regrets or resentments about some of the choices you made does that mean you weren't your own person?

Of course not! Lots of us have things we'd like to do in our lives that for one reason or another just aren't possible or appropriate, often because of earlier decisions.

This version of 'be your own person' sounds more like 'do exactly what you feel like doing regardless of other people or your responsibilities.'