leaving children for 6 months

mrbrightside842

If it was going to set us up for life and earn A LOT of money, then I'd consider it. But it wouldn't be a definite; time whilst my children are growing up is more important to me than money. However if it were to benefit us for life, then it would be considered.

If it wasn't an inflated wage, and was just something I wanted to do for myself, then I definitely wouldn't do it.

katepnlo

My step children live with us throughout the week so their mum can follow her dream. aged nearly 11 and 9....
9 year old likes being here but gets very upset and misses her mum dearly. Myself and my partner can do everything they need but it does not substitute the fact she just wants her mum.
These two get to see her on most weekends... So having some experience of seeing how it can impact on the kids.

Don't do it.

Your children will be that bit older in a few years. Follow your dream then when they can cope better. 6M is like a life time for a child. Dad being there doesn't really matter. You are their parent also. They need you. There will be cruise ships in a few years time. Your children are only young once and a move like that could have a massive impact on them which they remember for the rest of their lives.

Welshwoofs

robpw2 wrote: »

you should go for it , if it was a man asking this question people would say go for it

I totally agree with this and honestly it does seem, at least to me, a running theme on this board that similar situations presented get different answers depending on the gender of the person posing the question.

Perhaps it reflects the make up of the posting majority; for instance if there's a high proportion of SAHMs then the opinion is more likely to sway towards Mothers needing to stay at home with their kids.

quantumleap

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I totally agree with this and honestly it does seem, at least to me, a running theme on this board that similar situations presented get different answers depending on the gender of the person posing the question.

Perhaps it reflects the make up of the posting majority; for instance if there's a high proportion of SAHMs then the opinion is more likely to sway towards Mothers needing to stay at home with their kids.

I can only speak for myself but I would giving the same opinion whether the OP was male or female. I don't think it would be healthy for the family unit for either parent to just vanish for 6 months.

Marisco

Person_one wrote: »

Nobody's saying you can't have your own life,

Some seem to be though! Look at the "hysterics" when they go to their grandparents for a weekend/week!! What the hell's that about! Someone said they do all sort just to fill in the time, till the kids get back!! Have they no interests at all beyond the kids?

newgirly

My youngest two are 11 and I can't imagine being out of their lives for 6 months, so much happens in a week let alone six months, they grow up so quickly and by the time they start secondary school they are well on the way to becoming stroppy teenagers , I guess i am trying to say each and every day is precious when they are young, you are entitled to a life of your own, but will it be at their cost?

PS my hubby did turn down a very well paid 6 month contract abroad a few years ago for the same reasons, so its not about gender.

Gigglepig

OP clearly needs to consider very carefully whether this is the right option for herself, and discuss with husband and children, all families are different. Open discussion needed with OH regarding which issues you hope to "fix" by this, to see if it is a solution to what you need. Also look at other options.

That being said, some of the responses here seem a bit over the top.
People work away from their kids. Some kids are in boarding school. It may be difficult for some, but some also thrive.

Some kids are more independent/confident/mature than others. Maybe the 8yo is more of a daddy's kid. Who knows.

6 months are not forever, in particular if OP can skype the kids every day, see them during turnaround days etc. Make a chart with the kids showing them when they'll see mum, and plan a family holiday together at the end of it as a reward...

crusty_toenail

quantumleap wrote: »

I can only speak for myself but I would giving the same opinion whether the OP was male or female. I don't think it would be healthy for the family unit for either parent to just vanish for 6 months.

As a mother of young children of similar ages I agree that it would be most unhealthy.

Sadly the family unit is breaking down around us because of crazy feminists who lied to us women telling us we could have it all - but the work/home balance (esp with young children) is a nightmare.

My female friends, now in their thirties with young children would love to be stay at home mums.

I'm sorry girls but we were sold a lie, and now the family unit has broken down and we have a massive problem!

hazyjo

I'm all for someone going for their 'dream job' whatever it might be - but I think certain things would be more tolerable than others.

What if it were your husband who maybe was a keep fit instructor or something. Fairly standard job and hours. What if he had the opportunity of working on a cruise ship for 6 months? I just don't think it's something you 'sign up for' in a marriage. Obviously the husband or wife might think it's a great idea for their OH to go off and work on a cruise ship. I wouldn't be impressed. Each to their own. Obviously if you marry someone in the Forces, you know what you've signed up for.

Also, is this an opportunity/job you applied for, or something you were approached with? In your shoes, I doubt I'd have applied. If the opportunity fell at my feet, maybe it's something I would have given careful consideration to.

Without having kids, it's hard for me to comment. Pretty sure I'd not be able to leave them for 6 months though. I remember when I used to leave BFs behind when I went on holiday with friends. By the end of the 2nd week you're like 'who?' when their name's mentioned! I imagine after 6 months in a 'holiday environment' (certainly not a 'normal' one), it wouldn't have a positive effect on your marriage or state of mind.

It's obviously something you want to do. As above, no amount of comments on a forum will help you make a decision. If your husband's supportive and you can cope with not missing your family and friends, you'll end up going.

I suppose it's a bit like parents who send their kids off to boarding school or to some Swiss finishing school for a year! You're either 'that way' with your kids or you aren't. All the people I know with kids wouldn't be able to, but the odd one or two say they'd consider it if they had kids.

Jx

robpw2

i want to clarify there is nothing wrong with a parent being away in fact as a child i always found it quite exciting when dad used to go off on bussiness trips and when he used to work away - you get great presents when they come back but i think that is can be a good thing for the children and the parents .
it doesnt work for everyone don;t get me wrong and poor mum had to work so much harder trying to keep 4 children and then it would all unravel when dad got back because he was trying to be cool and make up for his not being there .