How to be more intimate?

Pee

Then set some time aside, in agreement with him, for a big tidy up/ sort out together and some time for intimacy... in the hope that after the tidy up you won't be considering it pawing at you.

I hope i am wrong but i think the truth is you don't fancy the bloke and for whatever reason you think you want to continue in the relationship with him and that a lack of desire won't matter.

Judging from other threads on here, finding a man who is good around the house is statistically less likely than average, I wonder if that is the same for attraction.

I find it very strange as I have a lot of male friends who are good people who I am not attracted to. That is why they are friends. My boyfriend is a good person whose clothes I regularly want to rip off, that's why he is my boyfriend.

babymoo

elantan wrote: »

not everyone ... i am a member of society and i dont assume it ...

Your right, my apologies. Most People assume...

Emmala

I know what you mean about the 'pawing'......I always joke that my DH is ALWAYS after something, even if he thinks he isn't! We've been together 16 years now and in the early years were at it like rabbits.....three kids later and I'd just rather go to sleep!!! It's not a big issue, but there is definitely a difference in libido, he'd take me looking at him as a come on some days, and I can go weeks without being in the mood.

We both realise that with a young family and his long working week (I'm a SAHM which is often more exhausting than his executive jet set job!!!) we won't have the rampant sex life that we used to have......I always say we had more than our fair share years ago so now it's just balancing out! BUT, I do get cross when he tries to turn every little cuddle into sex. He doesn't think he does, but he does, and I have to explain to him that sometimes a hug or a kiss can/should be just that, without him trying to take it further....I just think his mind is wired differently to mine!

I agree with the poster who said how we probably assume everyone else is always at it......I think you just need to be open and talk about it with your OH, tell him how you feel, and try not to put either of you under any pressure. We sometimes go ages without any, and then have a week when we're at it for hours every night.......it's not the most important aspect of a relationship, but is is important because of the resentments etc it will create of you're not able to talk about it.

The funny thing is, after three kids, my body is nothing like it used to be......and it hasn't put him off at all!! And I still like to have smooth legs etc, but he couldn't give a monkeys. The only time he KNOWS not to even SUGGEST sex is when I've changed the sheets.....I don't go to all the effort of changing the bed to have the sheets all sweaty and creased the first night......:rotfl::rotfl:

Mind you......I have been known to 'trade'......a jump in exchange for tidying up the kitchen!! Poor sod, falls for it every time!!!!!

heartbreak_star

Rae, I agree with the "minds being wired differently" idea, but "a jump in exchange for tidying the kitchen"...this is using sex as a weapon, that's kind of sad really. Sex should be enjoyed, not used as a bargaining chip.

HBS x

BugglyB

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Rae, I agree with the "minds being wired differently" idea, but "a jump in exchange for tidying the kitchen"...this is using sex as a weapon, that's kind of sad really. Sex should be enjoyed, not used as a bargaining chip.

HBS x

I do agree with this. Actually I think its quite demeaning to your partner. I wouldn't like to feel like I had to do something in exchange for sex with my partner.

Just in general, even if you do have a lower sex drive than your partner, you still ought to be kind to them about sex. Being rejected sexually is quite hurtful and can be damaging to your self esteem in the long run. Phrases like 'pawing at me' are horrible.

BugglyB

In addition - he should be cleaning the bleedin kitchen anyway :rotfl:

jane130

The implant which was put in last July.

I haven't read the whole thread so someone else may have mentioned this but the implant could be the cause( or at least a contributing factor) of the problem -within weeks of having mine put in I lost all interest and couldn't even pretend to be interested , I had it removed and everything went back to normal . i joke now that implants are so effective because they completely destroy your libido !!

pukkamum

You should seriously think about a taking a zinc supplement, a lot of us ladies are low in zinc especially after having a baby and zinc plays a huge part in our libido.
This is why asparagus etc is seen as an aphrodisiac because it is so high in zinc.

pukkamum

Also as regards to the differing sex drives, i think part of the trouble is that a woman needs to feel loved to want sex and a man needs to have sex to feel loved.
DH and i have discussed this and i have told him that i hate the feeling that he only shows affection when he wants to have sex, his reply was that he's a man, he always wants to have sex and kissing and cuddling turn him on there is nothing he can do to change that and i should be flattered that he fancies me so much.
Not that this means much when i have been dealing with 3 kids all day on 2 hours sleep.

I also hate and he has said so does he the 'waiting game' in bed, me waiting to see if he will try it on, and him waiting to see if he thinks i may want him to try it on!

No wonder so many couples have sex problems!

Cullumpster

removed just in case