How to be more intimate?

Gloomendoom

MummyOfTwo wrote: »

i would look again at that implant. i had one 5-months post baby and after seven weeks i was in my GP surgery begging the nurse to remove it immediately. It killed the 'relations' that me and hubby had happily resumed after the birth, and stacked on the weight that fell off due to breastfeeding.

It might be worth looking at but I can say with first hand experience that it certainly doesn't affect all women in that way.

lostinrates

Gloomendoom wrote: »

It might be worth looking at but I can say with first hand experience that it certainly doesn't affect all women in that way.

Straw poll amoung my friends made some aware that their mysterious lack of va va voom was related to their contraceptive choices. For me i didn't even consider depo, the pill switched me off with a greater efficiency than its actual method of working:eek: amoung girlfriends who had been veyr happy with various pills and depos, they found after i started bleating about the pill when they gave it break their zing came back some months later.

Of course, these are great contraceptive choices for lots and lots of peole, and far better to use them than not, but while they do not impact on all women when they do it can be a mild easily surmountable loss of libido or a far more profound one.

Gloomendoom

lostinrates wrote: »

Straw poll amoung my friends made some aware that their mysterious lack of va va voom was related to their contraceptive choices. For me i didn't even consider depo, the pill switched me off with a greater efficiency than its actual method of working:eek: amoung girlfriends who had been veyr happy with various pills and depos, they found after i started bleating about the pill when they gave it break their zing came back some months later.

Of course, these are great contraceptive choices for lots and lots of peole, and far better to use them than not, but while they do not impact on all women when they do it can be a mild easily surmountable loss of libido or a far more profound one.

Again with first hand experience of the depo for many years. It doesn't automatically mean weight gain and/or lack of libido. Contraceptives seem to affect women in different ways, positive and negative. That's probably why there is such a wide variety to choose from.

sexylulubelle

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Again with first hand experience of the depo for many years. It doesn't automatically mean weight gain and/or lack of libido. Contraceptives seem to affect women in different ways, positive and negative. That's probably why there is such a wide variety to choose from.

I had depo for 6months and gained 2stone:eek: I felt horrible and fat, went off that and had the implant put in have had it ever since( approx 5 and half years obviously had a new one put in after 3 years) and I will never ever look back, so yes contraception certainly affects woman in different ways.

Hope you find a way to relax more OP, mayby you dont allow yourself enough time to unwind, have you tried yoga or meditation?

JimmyTheWig

Seanymph wrote: »

Have you talked to him about it?

The only thing I could suggest is a complete ban on intercourse. Give yourself (and him) a month off. Agree to do anything and everything else, and see if that ignites desire for you because let's face it, we none of us like to be under pressure, and we all want what we can't have

Tell him you want to work it out with him - and unless he has a better idea that you think that may bring an end to the drought you find yourself in.

I like this idea.
The other idea I thought of was to discuss it with him and put a ban on him initiating. But I like Seanymph's idea better.

howcanichangeme

It was 21st century sex... not really. Although !!!!!! does.

I think my question was worded incorrectly. It should probably be more like ‘how can i increase my libido or what can i do to understand my lack of libido’? We have no problem being intimate once i feel like it, it’s just getting to feel like it as I have NO interest in general.

Humphrey – we already own toys and have been shopping

Girlinattic – I wasn’t really aware of this, I came off the pill as I’d been having lots of headaches so they refused to prescribe me any more. Maybe i should investigate further.

Mupete – as i’ve not long moved in, the flat is a mess and there is stuff everywhere in the bedroom. Which i keep wanting to sort out but he doesn’t ever get round to anything (then wonders why i get so peed off!) i’ve been giving him a ‘hand’ but on Sunday he said that wasn’t enough and he wanted me. He tells me all the time i’m gorgeous etc etc but i guess just right now i’m not feeling it. I’m only 26 so we ‘should’ be at it like rabbits supposedly! I am getting more and more stressed about it and worrying, but then he doesn’t understand that and then accidentally makes me feel worse which then makes me feel like i should do it but then i’m obviously not in the mood as i’m feeling forced. I should add at this point he has never ever forced me into anything.

Jetplane – i just got up after a bit and left the room as i didn’t know what to say or do. It’s me with the intimacy issues for sure. But i have no idea why... I haven’t been in an abusive relationship, ever been abused. He finds it hard to deal with as he is way more open and mature than me when it comes to dealing with stuff. He used to really harass me but now he will try a couple of times then leave it as he knows it’s not worth persisting.

Nonnatus – i’ve thought about that, but if i’m not in the mood for it then it hurts, a lot! I’ll think about trying it though.

Mummyoftwo – will investigate removing the implant... i’ve changed dr now and they don’t deal with it so need to find out where i can get it taken out if i decide that’s for me.

Heartbreakstar – he doesn’t like it if i don’t seem enthusiastic but then i guess it can’t be much fun for them!

Lostinrates – i used to be on the injection, can’t remember what i was like with that though. Maybe i should go back to that, he doesn’t want to rely on condoms alone. Maybe i should consider non-hormonal ie coil.

Sexylulubelle – i can’t switch my mind off for long enough! They offer yoga at my gym, maybe i should spend my time off work attending that and seeing. Last night when we were in bed i couldn’t focus on it and my mind seriously wanders off.. thinking of jobs, wages, my day, what plans we have for the next few weeks.

Thank you all for your replies

bitemebankers

Howcani - Have you considered going to Relate? They have full trained sex therapists who can help you and your other half understand what's causing the issues you're experiencing and develop a plan for moving forward and overcoming them. Declining sex drive is a really common problem, especially after having kids or simply after a few years of being in a relationship - you're certainly not on your own. But there's a lot that can be done before you even consider calling it a day.

I'd really encourage you to at least have a think about it and discuss it with your partner. I know it'll probably feel a bit odd, talking about intimate experiences with a stranger, but believe me, they've heard it all before and they're there to help. Good luck, whatever you decided to do. It's not a fun situation to be in, but it's not all bleak either.

heartbreak_star

Good luck sweetie make sure he knows you love him still, hopefully this is a temporary blip and you'll be sorted soon!

HBS x

euronorris

Do you ever feel sexy? Do you dress up with the make up, the hair done, the heels on, maybe some stockings, and sexy underwear? If you do, do you feel better when you do that? Personally, I find all of those things help me to feel sexy, which in turn helps to get me in the mood.

Have you tried getting yourself in the mood during the day? How about texting your OH, and he you, about what you're going to do to each other when you get home? Or you wearing nothing but your sexy underwear, stockings, and heels as you go about the house in the evening/weekend day, and allowing him to have a caress and feel every now and then?

Does he ever tease you? To get you in the mood? I think guys can sometimes forget that we aren't visually stimulated as much as them. We need the romance and the build up. So, whereas he may watch a bit of telly with some sex scenes in and get all fired up, you're just (maybe) thinking 'he's fit. OMG, what's she doing? How did she get herself in THAT position?' and that's it.

The housework thing has an effect for me too. It is such a turnoff to come home, exhausted and stressed, and find that he's lying on the sofa rather than lifting out the washing (especially when it's the only thing you've asked him to do). When you feel taken for granted and unappreciated, it's hard to feel 'in the mood'. Do you feel this way? Does he realise that, and the effect it has/may have on your libido? My OH didn't get it at first, but then he gave it a try one day. I came home to find he'd done the clothes washing, dishes, tidied the living room and made dinner. I pounced on him before he could serve dinner!

benb76

You say that !!!!!! turns you on right? In which case, have you tried giving an hour or 2 to yourself when you're home alone, watching a bit of youporn, and doing a bit of self pleasuring. Sexiness breeds sexiness, ie having regular orgasms makes you want more orgasms and sexy times.