Help - I need to tell my husband about my Debt

suburbanwifey

ScaredandStupid wrote: »

Thank you for your reply, I hope you are right, I have just finished the letter and it looks worse than I thought!
He's not the most understanding of people but I have no choice but to tell him, I am so sad at the moment

I send you a (((hug))) don't be sad, you are brave and strong and you are going to face him with the truth and sort this out. You can do it! How he reacts will show you how important to him you are.

seriousDFW

This does sound like a difficult situation for you.

However, I find it hard to see how your OH can react that negatively to this situation - if he wants to keep things separate, then he can't really give you a hard time for your half of the finances.

I personally agree that finances in a committed relationship should be shared equally, though I know others disagree.

Also, just because a partner doesn't know about debts doesn't mean they can escape culpability for the situation. If I earned lots and knew my OH was on a lower income, I would expect their spending to reflect that. It should have been obvious that something wasn't right and so either he wasn't aware which is his fault, or he was aware and didn't say anything, also his fault.

Basically, this will be a difficult time but both parties should take responsibility for the situation but avoid blaming each other, which isn't easy.

What I think would help is complete transparency from here on in. I think pooling the household finances to make sure spending is kept to its lowest so that debts can be tackled together is the way forward.

ScaredandStupid

Thanks for all the messages, I am going to speak to him after work today, I am half tempted to drive to his work at dinnertime as I have spent the morning throwing up, crying and now I have the shakes, will keep you all updated and see what the weekend brings x

Everhopeful09

Hi, have been following your thread and sending you a massive hug. Good luck when you tell him, it won't be easy but you can't go on carrying this on your own the pressure and stress will get to you. My situation was a bit different as had to tell my parents, i emailed them, they werent dissappointed in me just wish i had told them sooner so they could help & support me.

Have a vino for dutch courage & tell him, once out in open you can start taking steps forward, remember you have the support of all the lovely people on here, let us know how you get on.

Eh xx

seriousDFW

Hope it goes well. Remember - WHATEVER happens you are doing the right thing by telling him and so you don't have a choice in that. Then whatever he says/does, YOU have the strength to get through whatever happens because you can get as much support as you need here.

I hope you're pleasantly surprised by his reaction, but whatever happens, this can only get better once it's out in the open, whatever direction that may take.

Make sure you let us know how to goes.

heartbreak_star

Lots of love and hugs. I hid my debt from my ex as he was really good with his money but not so good with mine and he was depressed so I didn't want to bother him. I've always looked after others and it's bitten my bum with a bad credit rating now.

Remember he married you for richer or poorer. You sound like a lovely person and you are strong! You can do this!

HBS x

whitewing

Don't drive over to work. If he doesn't have too much idea, it will be awful to land it on him and then him have to go back to work for the afternoon.

Although I suppose it would give him a distraction for a bit so he can feel a bit calmer.

It's good that you feel nervous..it shows you care, and that means you will get it sorted.

Hovel_lady

ScaredandStupid wrote: »

Thanks for all the messages, I am going to speak to him after work today, I am half tempted to drive to his work at dinnertime as I have spent the morning throwing up, crying and now I have the shakes, will keep you all updated and see what the weekend brings x

Will be thinking of you, hope you get it sorted xx

fannyadams

didn't want to read and run. sending hugs. {{{{{S&S}}}}}
you are strong YOU CAN DO THIS!
keep us updated
FA
xx

pixnmix_2

Nothing I can say that hasn't been said here already, but just sending you a virtual hug and great big well done on realising what you need to do and for the courage to make a start on sorting this all out. We're all behind you here.

Pix