Help - I need to tell my husband about my Debt

warwicktiger

ScaredandStupid wrote: »

Thank you for your reply, I hope you are right, I have just finished the letter and it looks worse than I thought!
He's not the most understanding of people but I have no choice but to tell him, I am so sad at the moment

Don't be sad. I'm not going to pretend it is easy, but you have reached the point hen you say "I know I must tell him", so congratulations. As Mao said "Every journey starts with a single step"

Yargo1

Hi, i told my partner about my debt about a year ago.. and like you , i was petrified to do so.

Now, we are getting married in June! He was so understanding.. and although yes, annoyed, he knew how bad i felt about it .. and so, what i mean is , you may well be surprised as to how he takes it.. I was convinced it was going to be the end of our relationship But it was not.

Good Luck with it and remember , it is only money after all, im sure , that even if he is not normally "that understanding" when he sees how you are feeling about it all he will be.. xxx big hugs xxx

Denis_UK

He must be told,only you can choose that moment.

You may find he is more caring than you think.

shopaholic2

Hi, just wanted to say I know where you are,I've been there. Unfortunately my hubby found out about my debts, and yes he went mad, but underneath it all he'd been worried I'd been having an affair. I, like you, believed I had hidden it well, shown no signs of stressing about it, but you know what? You will have shown signs. It was constantly on my mind, I rushed to the post, unplugged the phone, and I thought I was calm,and unstressed, but he KNEW there was something!

We No longer have a joint bank account, I don't work anyway, so my dla benefit goes into my cash card account, and his wage goes into his account & he pays all the bills.
I can now breath, I don't jump when the phone rings and I'm not jumping on the postman!!
Living as you are now is hell,and if at the very worst he leaves you, then yes that's awful,devastating BUT at least you'll have come clean.
Good luck.
There's lots of wonderful people on here with great advice.
I'll hold your hand whilst you do this
D x

angrymama

Don't be sad, I really feel for you. If he really cares for you, he will try to help sort it out. It sounds like he was keeping you short of money, housekeeping etc. Men have no idea how much things cost. I was in the same position always trying to make ends meet, buying childrens school uniform etc etc. The sums just didn't add up. The problem was he had a well paid job, and liked to treat himself to a new bike, fishing equip etc etc oh an also paying for hotel rooms for his bit on the side. I am now single, skint but am totally responsible for all the bills. It isn't easy, but I prefer it that way. If he is well paid, surely he can clear this debt for you, then you can talk and sort out your finances jointly.

Good luck x

MrsPennyPot

Just wanted to send you some big hugs!

I haven't been in your exact situation but know very well what it is like to wake in the morning with that sick, anxious feeling. Its horrible but hopefully coming clean will help with this a bit.

Already been said but we are here to hold your hand through this.

Mrs PP. x

System

Welcome along ScaredandStupid,

I have read hundreds of similar stories on this forum over the last few years and never once has the story ended with the other person ending the relationship. As a couple of other people have said, your OH might actually be relieved that it's 'only' money worries and not something like having an affair.

I have never been in your situation as I have been single FOREVER, however I would say that if OH left you as a result of this then he's not the understanding and supportive person that you deserve to be with.

I agree with other posters on here that say your finances should've ideally been managed jointly for some time, however that's no-one's business really. Maybe something to discuss with OH for the future though...?

OH will probably be angry/disappointed at first but there are worse things that could happen and if he's worth being with then he will eventually accept what you tell him and support you in your way out of the woods.

Good luck!

Red.

ScaredandStupid

Thanks for all the support, it makes me cry every time I read these messges but I know what I have to do - will keep you updated x

Bonglecat

I'm not sure how your are handling your household finances at the moment but I have several friends who's husband think they should be paying half of all household expenses despite the fact they earn only a fraction of the partners wages. And I even have one who's husband feels she she pay all expenses for their daughter as she was one the one who had her?!?!!?!?

I personally feel that household expenses should be divided up on the basis of percentage income i.e. he earns 60% of the household income therefore he pays 60% of the costs. Simple. Therefore if this isn't happening then he is contributing to the problem and needs to help you sort it.

Why were you too scared to ask him when the issue arose initially? Did you buy silly frivilous things that he wouldn't approve of? Or is he really that much of an ogre? In the first case you're in the right place we have loads of challenges and advice to stop you over spending on junk and in the second I'm sorry to say perhaps your biggest problem is not finance but your relationship.

Anyway my parents went through this a few years ago Mom had racked up £25k on credit cards. Dad did go mad but mostly because he was scared someone would repossess the house (he doesn't really understand debt not ever having been in it) but then he took over and helped her sort it all out, he's helped her make payments but not actually paid the whole thing off for her and they have a better relationship because of it.

If you do tell him don't get agree and defensive over it but also don't get all meek and apologetic. Just place the issue before him as blandly as you can. Men love problem solving so hopefully he will be in his element.

Good luck.

Bonglecat

agree should have been angry. Ooops