Im Upset, and I know Im Being Selfish But.....

Jet

donna-j wrote:

I think you are all being really hard on Divadee. My parants live overseas, they've been away for 13 years, and it is very difficult at times. To say 'get a grip, I've lost my parents' is not at all fair, you could say similar things about getting upset about anything in life.

I think there are nicer ways than saying "get a grip" but I think it will help divadee to appreciate that she still has her parents, she can still communicate with them and they are still in the world to love her and her daughter.

Of course, she will be upset and will grieve for the loss, but life moves on and she will deal with it and it will make her a stronger person to realise that as an adult she doesn't need her parents on her doorstep. It's probably got a lot to do with self confidence and not really having let go of the apron strings to an extent.

Pink_butterfly_3

I don't see my dad as he abandoned us (me & my mum) when i was young. My mum has terminal cancer and has anything from 6 months to a few years at most. My two babies will never know how wonderful she is, they will miss out on having the most amazing nana when they grow up.

Appreciate this time you have with your parents before they go and then make the most of the internet/phone/skype when they've gone.

Thank your lucky stars you have wonderful parents that you have a good relationship with. Treasure every second with them and stop being such a baby.

Divadee, Life is so unpredictable, so wonderful, yet so heartbreakingly painful. Treasure every moment and don't let something silly like this get in the way or spoil your relationship with your parents. You never know whats round the corner.

lottee

Pink_butterfly wrote:

I don't see my dad as he abandoned us (me & my mum) when i was young. My mum has terminal cancer and has anything from 6 months to a few years at most. My two babies will never know how wonderful she is, they will miss out on having the most amazing nana when they grow up.

Appreciate this time you have with your parents before they go and then make the most of the internet/phone/skype when they've gone.

Thank your lucky stars you have wonderful parents that you have a good relationship with. Treasure every second with them and stop being such a baby.

Divadee, Life is so unpredictable, so wonderful, yet so heartbreakingly painful. Treasure every moment and don't let something silly like this get in the way or spoil your relationship with your parents. You never know whats round the corner.

Pink, I don't think anybody could have put it better. After reading your post, I can't see how anyone can say anything else to the OP. xxx

shopndrop

Have to agree with webcams. Use them all the time with my son who lives away from home, I always feel better just being able to "see" him rather than just talk to him on the phone.

shopndrop

Have to agree with webcams. Use them all the time with my son who lives away from home, I always feel better just being able to "see" him rather than just talk to him on the phone.

eryn_kathleen

I've lived in the UK for five years (I'm American, and my parents still live over there). It's a different situation because I'm the one that chose to leave, but I have three young nieces and nephews whose lives I've missed out on. I've actually never seen my youngest nephew, who's a year and a half old. My other nephew went through an operation to (literally) have half of his brain removed because he was having bad seisures. My favourite aunt, who was more like a grandmother to me than my real grandmother, passed away. I missed all of these things while I've been here, and it's really hard for both me and my family, but I've built a life here with my husband and all of these sacrifices are part of that. Given the option, I would make the same choice again. I'd love the opportunity to live in Singapore, and I would definitely take the chance because it would be completely worth it!

Webcams and telephone conversations are definitely useful, but you might want to think about other possibilities too: your daughter could set up a blog specifically to let her grandparents know what she's doing. Your parents might want to do the same, with pictures of things they're doing and learning about in Singapore. Blogs are really easy now, with lots of sites having ready-made templates.

If you or they can borrow a digital camcorder, post videos or video messages on YouTube. Another option on both sides is to buy a digital photo frame (they're getting cheaper all the time) to display all the photos that will be travelling back and forth.

For low tech options, make a pact to exchange letters, cards, or even postcards once a month or every other month. Everyone loves getting post that's not bills! Send little parcels with their favourite British treats, and have them send samples of the new foods, etc. that they're trying out in Singapore. Keep it small but frequent. Although this will involve a little bit of expense on both sides, you'll feel much more connected. It makes a big difference!

RufusFrog_2

divadee wrote:

Things are so strained with me and them at the moment, i have tried to be happy and looked in to what there is to do in singapore (not a lot by the sounds of it!!)

Just wanted to say, if you can get out to Singapore it's a fantastic place to visit! I went out in my twenties when my boyfriend was working there and took myself to the wonderful zoo and bird park, public transport was efficient, easy to use and very, very clean. Most of the inhabitants are Chinese, Malay or Indian and are very child-friendly. The shopping's great and the food markets out of this world. We then toured Malaysia (by public bus!) - a wonderful country with amazing rain forests and unsurpassable snorkelling off the wide sandy beaches. As a family holiday and cross-cultural experience it would be the trip of a lifetime! You need to work on banishing those negative thoughts and find something positive to look forward to - maybe cognitive therapy would help?:grouphug:

pavlovs_dog

how are you feel now divadee?

southwestmaid

Hope you're feeling a bit better, I'm nearly 50 and If my mum were to go away for 3 years I'd feel just like you until I got used to the idea.

Prudent

Hugs to you hun.

When my dd was 9 my parents moved to Cyprus to retire. They sold up everything here and parted with the house and some pets that my dd had grown up with. they didn't live locally but we visited for weekends and at one point dd stayed with them for 18 weeks when I did a course. I felt as if they were taking something away from dd.

Just after they left my marriage broke down and it was extremely messy. I did feel resentful at times that they weren't here to support me and dd in particular. However my friends were fanatstic because they knew I had no family support. It made me much closer to my friends and value my friendships and people in general more. I am now much better at recognising when people need support and being there for them. I became much more resourceful about finding my own solutions to difficulties.

DD loved going to visit them and they always helped with airfares when I was really short of money. We had some super holidays, which we wouldn't have had otherwise and made friends in Cyprus through them.

Last year they decided to return to the uk and dd (now 14) was gutted about the loss of her lovely holidays!

I understand it is difficult, but hope something good comes out of it for you too.