Im Upset, and I know Im Being Selfish But.....

divadee

Have to share this. Found out last weekend that my mum and dad are moving to Singapore for work reasons in July for 3 years.

Now I am majorly upset and bitter and angry and i know its irrational and selfish but i cant help it!!

Yes I have my own family but little miss divadee is so close to her nanna and grandad that seeing her crying every might cos they are leaving is breaking my heart. She has always been close to them as when i first got prenant mr divadee lived in bournemouth and i lived in london and we only moved to bournemouth when little miss divadee was 2!! we lived with my mum and dad that whole time.

Everyone keeps telling me to think of the positives and around little miss divadee i do try to, but my personal opinion is i am upset, angry, bitter and depressed about the whole thing.

I used to talk to my mum and dad about 3-4 times a day just for a chat and a gossip etc... but these past few days the conversation has been so strained as i just want to keep shouting dont go at them the whole time.

This is a big promotion for my dad, but still i can only see the negative selfish side of it all.

Sorry about the ranting but I just had to get this out and you lot are fantastic about advice.

I just feel that my whole world has changed and will never ve the same again, i feel like i am grieving for them even though they are still alive.

Jamz

Please please don't take offence but GROW UP! and DEAL WITH IT.

You will have a chance to take your DD and explore the world and show her new things whilst visiting your folks.

And also this should be an amazing time for your folks and your spoiling it for them let your dad enjoy his hardwork

divadee

Jamz wrote:

Please please don't take offence but GROW UP! and DEAL WITH IT.

You will have a chance to take your DD and explore the world and show her new things whilst visiting your folks.

And also this should be an amazing time for your folks and your spoiling it for them let your dad enjoy his hardwork

you assume that we will be able to afford to fly half way round the world then!!!!!!!

in the 3 years they are out there we have worked out our finance and we will be able to make 1 trip, and that includes taking every scrap of our savings. So if anything should happen to our home, car etc.. we will be left with no money to sort that out!!

And as for me growing up and dealing with it, like above when you are used to seeing your parents every 4-6 weeks suddenly going to 3-4 times in 3 years (as they have said they will come home once a year) is a massive shock for my family.

teb_2

perspective. thats what you need.

your in shock right now, that will wear off and then you can deal with it.

best thing is to make sure you and Mum & Dad both have pcs with cameras then you can talk and see each other as often as you like. not the same as being there but close. your daughter might miss doing stuff with them but she'll be able to see them and talk to them every day if she wanted to.

your feelings will lessen soon but at least you can have a wee rant on here to get it out your system. your head knows whats right, but your heart has still to catch up.

maryjane01

Phone calls are so cheap these days, you should be ablt to still speak to them a few times a day (the time difference may cause a little trouble though!). I think there is one phone company that does free international calls (maybe talk talk? check the phone board). Your parents may be finding this difficult to, try and put on a brave face for them. You will all get through it and they will come home. It will be amazing for your daughter to visit a place like Singapore. Also, you don't want you parents going away and have bad feelings between you all about it. What is best for your parents should really also be best for the whole family.

divadee

teb wrote:

perspective.
best thing is to make sure you and Mum & Dad both have pcs with cameras then you can talk and see each other as often as you like. not the same as being there but close. your daughter might miss doing stuff with them but she'll be able to see them and talk to them every day if she wanted to.

your feelings will lessen soon but at least you can have a wee rant on here to get it out your system. your head knows whats right, but your heart has still to catch up.

they have said they will buy us a skype phone so we can atleast talk for free as often as we want, and we have email etc...

you are right about heart and head!! i know deep down they have to go, just inside bitter and twisted about them going!! its selfish and horrible to feel like that but at the moment, i just fluctuate from a crying wreck to being an angry bitter thing.

[Deleted User]

I work for a mutlinational firm that often sends people to far-flung places for months/years at a time... Thankfully they don't do that to people in the UK, usually just the americans.

You may want to ask if they get any flights thrown in to their relocation - they may be able to get the firm to pay for some return flights.. you should ask, you never know. The americans who come to the UK in my firm get a return trip back to the USA every 6 months

divadee

maryjane01 wrote:

Your parents may be finding this difficult to, try and put on a brave face for them. You will all get through it and they will come home. It will be amazing for your daughter to visit a place like Singapore. Also, you don't want you parents going away and have bad feelings between you all about it. What is best for your parents should really also be best for the whole family.

thank you hun, your all saying what all my friends have said, but its just hard to take in at the moment.

Things are so strained with me and them at the moment, i have tried to be happy and looked in to what there is to do in singapore (not a lot by the sounds of it!!) but then when i sit and really think about it, i just blubbing again!!

exil

Sorry - Mum and Dad are entitled to move "for work reasons". Are you going to pay Dad's salary if he doesn't go?

I'm not dismissing the effect on your child - relationships with grandparents can be very strong. But in your parents' position I would certainly go if job/other reasons demanded it. I would hate to think that, for instance, I couldn't have the choice to retire abroad because my offspring demanded that I stay within a couple of hours' drive.

*zippy*

I think how your feeling is normal so don't feel bad about it, I am very close to my parents and would be horrified if they broke the news to me.

You are going to miss them, but its a great experience for them and as Teb said its not the same, but you can chat online with a web cam everyday.

I think I would have a good cry and let it out as much as you can. I'm sure they are feeling bad too as they must have guessed how you are feeling and will miss you and your daughter. Could you perhaps tell them how you feel to clear the air?

divadee

ringo_24601 wrote:

I work for a mutlinational firm that often sends people to far-flung places for months/years at a time... Thankfully they don't do that to people in the UK, usually just the americans.

You may want to ask if they get any flights thrown in to their relocation - they may be able to get the firm to pay for some return flights.. you should ask, you never know. The americans who come to the UK in my firm get a return trip back to the USA every 6 months

one of the first questions i asked was that, but nope they get 1 flight home in the three years they are there (its a charity they work for) all the rest they have to pay for. They dont give any help for the families thats for us to sort out.