Im Upset, and I know Im Being Selfish But.....

KarensKraftyBits

I know this must be hard. Im 21 married with 2 kids and i used to be so close to my mum, we done everything together it wasnt intill i had my second daughter and my nan moved in with my mum she has no time for me anymore.
I felt the same way as you at first and its been about 4 months now and im finally getting used to it.
She has even moved, not abroad but like half hour away by car where no buses go to and i cant drive. So i only see my mum once a week and a few times on the phone. And before we were joint at the hip.
Ive finally let go a bit now and not so bitter i have more independance, sort out my own problems and just concerntrate on my family like she done for me and my sister all these years.
It will be good for your parents they have spent all these years raising you and they will probally really love it.
At least you will get a cheap holiday if they put you up.
I know its 3 years and 3 years is a long time but just think of them first and put there needs first , they still love you they always will. And im sure if you have a holiday over there and make sure they ring you every other day im sure it wont be the hell you imagine.
Sorry i might not be much help.

louise_1981

divadee wrote:

i have tried to but they just get upset and then i get upset, and its back to square one.

If talking is upsetting you both, then how about a letter, then maybe both of you can express your feelings and clear the air that way.

As you have said it is a big promotion, which will mean a big payrise, therefore would it not also mean that they will probably be able to retire early and spend more time with your child when thay are old enough to appreciate and remember the time spent together, rather than now, when obviously it is upsetting but, your little one will be picking up on your vibes too.

divadee

louise_1981 wrote:

As you have said it is a big promotion, which will mean a big payrise, therefore would it not also mean that they will probably be able to retire early and spend more time with your child when thay are old enough to appreciate and remember the time spent together, rather than now, when obviously it is upsetting but, your little one will be picking up on your vibes too.

nope unfortunately there is no pay rise as he works for a charity and his job is a vocation he certainly doesnt do it for the money the pittance they pay him!!!!

he should of been retiring in 2 years time they have asked him to do an extra year so no chance of that happening either.

little miss divadee is 9 now so by the time they get back she will be nearly 13 so things will not be the same as i know when teenagers are that age they dont want to be around their nanna and grandad that much they would rather be out with their mates!! i know i was like that myself lol

Broken_hearted

They will go whether you like it or not, what you have to decide is if you part on good terms or not. Children grow up leave home and move miles away without thinking about their parents. Why shouldn't the parents do the same. They are going for work reasons, a lot of older people retire in the sun would you also begrudge them that.

Spendless

were your parents supportive of your move to Bournemouth, and if they weren't how did that make you feel?

LydiaSophia

I have every sympathy for you. I am so close to my Mum that I would be devestate if she moved away.

Just remember that they still love you and three years will whizz by. Make the most of the once in a life time trip you can have with them when you go out and visit.

I hope you start to feel abit better about it all soon. x

mountainofdebt

you will still feel that they are 'abandoning you (and your daughter) and shouldn't go.

Yes, you know its a selfish reaction but you've had a human reaction - if I was your mum I'd be more worried if you weren't upset at me going, lol!

Seriously though you know deep down that if they didn't go, they might always regret it and three years you know isn't that long a time - on a smaller scale it doesn't seem like 5 mins it was Christmas yet here we are in March already.

Try and look for solutions to problems rather than focusing on the problems themselves.....cheap international calls, the use of the internet/web cams etc have been mentioned already. Perhaps your parents could spend some time with your daughter researching the area/country that they will be in or perhaps you can spend the time between now and when they leave making something that they can take with them to remind them (as if they need it!) of you all. Also when they are away they can perhaps find someone of your daughter's age she could correspond to so your daughter can relate to their work over there.

Perhaps also you could look into how much flights would cost and plan a trip out there next year when they have reached the half way mark and again your daughter can focus on this.


I know its hard for you but it must be equally as hard for your parents. Try not to be angry with them - after all if the boot was on the other foot, would they be happy for you?

ailuro2

first word webcams

and of course, be very glad for your folks that your Dad is doing something he loves in his working life, and not working somewhere stressful/polluted/just plain wearing him down, that would perhaps take years off of his life.
Little miss Divadee will barely remember their absence, and it's a fantastic way for you to see somewhere exotic at a fraction of the cost of a holiday.
With booking in advance and having somewhere free to stay you'll be surprised how little it could cost.

last words- would you rather they stayed here and regretted it, for the sake of seeing you irl once every six weeks?

neveranymoney

i completely sympathise, my mum has very recently moved to France, on her own, with out any job to go to and it is making me want to pull my hair out! As an only child, I have to admit I feel abandoned sometimes, even though I have my own little family now, it isn't nice to know that your mother is in a different country especially if you were very close like we were. Ah well, no point grumbling, but I agree with stargirl about not wasting the time you have left together, I bit my lip and I think that was the best thing to do although I have to admit when I get a phone call saying " I'm lonely" etc, It takes all my will to stop me shouting I BLOODY WELL TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN!

skintas_2

get skype phone it wont cost you to call each other, my mum she lived near me same town, but i moved, my family where upset. i still used to see my mum every week. then my mum got married in secret, sold her house, and left i dint know where she was,she phoned me and told me she was livng 200 miles away....... i was gutted like you, i can pick the phone up and i see her about every 3 months. remeber 3 years sint forever, coyuld you maybe go half on a lfight out there in the summer and spend the summer holidays there, or even xmas........